Tuesday, August 3, 2010

girl on the 7:15 train

across the body packed aisle
of the 7:15 train,
unbelievably, our eyes meet
and i read a poem,
in their endless green.

i would write it for you
but then it would be
open for interpretation,
twisting what makes them
truly spectacular, into dross.

that's what we do
with poems &
other beautiful things,
deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoeboxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again.

doors swish open with a hiss
of compressed air & we
exit, going our separate ways,
me to work, you
snuggled tight to your
mother's shoulder &
i twiddle my fingers,
deciding to keep your eyes,
an unfathomable green,
only for me.

One Shot Wednesday - Write a Poem, Come join Us...the party starts tonight @ 5 PM EST

123 comments:

Candie Bracci said...

wow!
Ah poems and eyes indeed :)

BLOGitse said...

Green eyes...
beautiful!

Boonsong said...

You've painted a beautiful word picture here. Thanks.

All the best, Boonsong

sagirl said...

Awesome, Brian. We do analyse beauty when we should just feel it - let it speak to our senses.

Sophia said...

"and i read a poem,
in their endless green." <--that has to be one of my favorite lines.

Bravo! What an amazing write. I really love this one. You left me wanting a little more.

Wishing you a splendid Monday...I mean Tuesday!! Haha :)

Alan Burnett said...

It took a lot of effort to get past the lines "and i read a poem,
in their endless green". Such beautiful lines I wanted to stay with them in order to appreciate them fully.

J. said...

Excellent work!

Mama Zen said...

Oh, Brian! That's just how I feel about my little girl's eyes.

Betsy said...

Nice memory...and some things don't need to be shared!

J. said...

Oh - and I would keep them too...

sheila said...

How interesting. Isn't it funny how eyes hold memories? Sometimes I can't remember a face, but I can always remember the eyes.

mama-face said...

ah. this is why I love poetry. so much meaning packed into few words.

Susan Deborah said...

What a lovely read this was. Now which part of your life is this from. Brian, you pamper us by delighting us with your words leaving us thirsty for more but then we realise you have moved away to another story. Breathless but enjoying every bit :)

Joy always,
Susan

Daniel said...

Nice feeling to this one. A poem all to yourself that couldn't possibly be understood or communicated or appreciated by anyone else. Lovely.

TechnoBabe said...

So sweet. Really like this.

cindy said...

And the mystery you chose to take away from the encounter is probably much more valuable than what you may have discovered had you pursued the person behind the eyes.
Nice vignette Brian.
Have a good day, I'm going to have a glass of wine and watch the sun go down now.

ethelmaepotter! said...

You had me at "endless green."

Truly, I was all caught up, in just a few words, of this poem of missed opportunity, lost love...until I got to "you
snuggled tight to your
mother's shoulder."

So it's not missed opportunity, nor it is it lost love. For you've shown us that love has no bounds and no time frames - you fell in love and were able to easily let go - but as long as you can remember those endless green eyes, you'll always carry a bit of her in your heart.

But then, I'm trying to put parts of this into that shoebox, aren't I?

Beautiful perfection.

Brian Miller said...

but you did it beautifully ethel...yes, it was a little girl...and she was beautiful...and that can be appreciated and loved and let go so the rest of the world can appreciate it...

Tina said...

Oh nice. "Shoeboxes full of miscellaneous parts and no way to put them back together again" Great line. You described so well how I sometimes feel.

Eva Gallant said...

Once again, we get a glimpse of your gift! So amazing.

Kay said...

awwww... eyes only for you... sweet little thing... :)

TALON said...

The third stanza was wonderful, Brian. Appreciating beauty in the moment, acknowledging and releasing it - that is the definition of it.

Caty said...

It's amazing how kids can grab a hold on our hearts within minutes of seeing or meeting. I had an 8 yr old patient that did this this week. and you wrote it perfectly with your words :)

Mitr Friend - Bhushavali said...

Reminds of the Burqa clad women in Hydrabad in India. Only those black eyes on while skin on completely covered black burqa... I would never forget those!!!

A visit to India Gate at night
A Stroll at the Bhudha Jayanthi Park

Magpie said...

I love the line about her eyes also, but the third stanza is my favorite. It's so true...that's how I feel about what I write.
Another fantastic job, Brian.

Zuzana said...

This reads like romantic lyrics to a song. I wish someone would read a poem in my eyes; lovely as always dear Brian and so deliciously sentimental for a late summer afternoon...
xoxo

Jessie said...

this one captured my heart.

but then your writing always speaks to me.

thank you for your warm comments brian...

smiles,

heartspell said...

Hold tight on those beautiful eyes and never let go. Heartspell

Vicki Lane said...

Beautiful! And I'm with you re deconstruction -- in spite of (or possibly because of)having been an English teacher.

Vicki Lane said...

Beautiful! And I'm with you re deconstruction -- in spite of (or possibly because of)having been an English teacher.

JStar said...

Brian, your words capture me...

Helen said...

simply lovely ........

Cheryl said...

Nice nice nice!

natalee said...

SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

The eyes of a child, nothing quite like them! When my oldest grandson was two we went to the water front in Tampa to watch the fireworks. He sat on Grampa's shoulders and I watched the fireworks in the reflection of his green eyes. I was sad that I had no camera with me, but that memory comes back everytime I see fireworks! No picture to share, so the memory is all mine!

tattytiara said...

Trains are such wonderful places for poems to happen.

Alexis Hallum said...

Oh, you tell lovely stories. I can see her...endless green, unfathomable green...I loved those pieces.:)

Sam Liu said...

Beautiful, Brian...moving, melodic and wonderfully crafted. And your third stanza is very true: sometimes poetry is just for sounds and expression and beauty, not necessarily for analysis :)

CM said...

Somethings are better left unsaid. Well written, as always!

Shannon Tucker Photography said...

Dang, Brian......EVERY single time! Soooo, lovely.

S

Claudia said...

..a poem in her eyes..like this a lot - and i agree - you can see so much in other peoples eyes
and some things are just not for sharing
love how you put this together - sensitive as always

Meeko Fabulous said...

As always, I love the imagery. :)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big sigh! That was perfect. It reminds me of the train riding days in NYC.
jj

Jen said...

You fooled me. I thought you were talking about a woman and this was going to be a missed opportunity post about the one that got away.

william said...

I really enjoyed this post, fabulous, thanks for sharing.:)

william said...

your memories were captured expertly here mate, bravo for the excellent story :)

drybottomgirl said...

Sweet! A child's beauty is unblemished. My second son Sam has olive green eyes, we call him "snake eyes". His older brother has gray and little sis has vibrant blue. They truly are the windows to the soul......

The Girl from Cherry Blossom Street said...

It just occurred to me that I've never met anyone with green eyes.

Goofball said...

somehow I cannot picture you on a busy commuter train at all

The Retired One said...

Very sweet,Brian....

Birdie said...

this is one of the most beautiful poems I read from you Brian! I could literally 'see' her green eyes and get lost in them ... a moment to cherish and thank you for sharing with us!

The Urban Cowboy said...

Brief encounters can sometimes leave a large imprint. Very nice.

Pete Marshall said...

what a lovely end to a wonderful poem..you have a great way with words my friend..cheers Pete

Eric Alder said...

Nic work! It reminds me of a similar experience I had on a subway train long ago.

Even though her eyes were not green, she still left an impression on me. I even wrote a haiku about it:

Subway chivalry
I picked up the books she dropped
Spanish smile thanked me

Desert Rose said...

and the eyes do talk Brian..BEAUTIFULLY PAINTED in eyes colors..;) loved it..BRAVO!

anthonynorth said...

Hidden depth to this one. Excellent.

Cloudia said...

oh yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Aloha from Honolulu :)

Comfort Spiral

Bill Cook said...

Thoughtful and fun to read. Thanks. - Bill

Mighty M said...

Sounds like a cutie...

Kavita said...

I could TOTALLY relate to this one! Cuz many a time, strangers on subways and passers by have been my muses (unknowingly ofcourse)... that which I saw is only for me to see, and for my words as I write them..
You've captured a thought that so many times goes unspoken..
Brian, this was really beautiful!

only a movie said...

Very very sweet. :-)

Wild Rose said...

Dear Brian, this is such a spectacular little piece and the imagery to poems is just perfect. Those little treasures are too precious to be shared. Made me think of my daughter i love looking into her hazel eyes and knowing she's all mine and i want to keep her to myself for as long as i breathe.

Little green angelic eyes, great one shot~

Wild Rose~

dustus said...

snaps on that deconstruction line... feel the same way about it most of the time... great write, heartfelt.

Jannie Funster said...

Brian, this is truly, truly captivating. A poem like a secret so great it's bursting to be told. And you did! Thank you.

xo

Stafford Ray said...

Brian, how could you resist a poem... well, you didn't, thanks!

Gay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gay said...

The arresting eyes of a child have haunted so many artists. I have a favorite painting in the Kimball in Ft. Worth entitled Miss May Sartoris. Her eyes are luminous and unforgettable. You have painted an equally memorable image of a moment in time that might have been lost except for that. Well done.

Kira Stann said...

What a beautiful poem, if that baby only knew! I really enjoyed this, it has wonderful flow.

Arts Web Show said...

Wow. brian.
I have to say your blog does exceedingly well on comments.
I know why.
Because your poetry is so good.

secret agent woman said...

Some memories are best savored privately.

g-man said...

Son...
Sometimes people just over think everything..
You did good....G

deb said...

oh, this is just.wow. Brian.

sigh....

Fireblossom said...

Green eyes. Maybe she's part mermaid?

signed...bkm said...

Lovely piece and the green eyes - bright and unforgettable...somethings just are that --unforgettable...bkm

n. davis rosback said...

i agree with alan b.
i just wanted to linger in the same place...just for awhile.

Hoiden said...

wooooowwwwwww....i read a poem in their endless green....
wonderful poem....love it:)

Glynn said...

I really like love poems - and that's was this is.

kkrige said...

Aww, that's pretty Brian. I love how you can twist things just a hair and bring a whole new meaning to your words. You get me every time :)

Amanda said...

You painted a beautiful image on the canvas with your words. This is one awesome poem!! Thank you so much x

moondustwriter said...

would love to hear the poem written for the little lass.
very dear and romantic. I'm sure he was her hero

Thanks Brian for being the hero of One Shot this week

Smiles from the Moon

Teri said...

How many times do we do that: deconstruct the poems and then are unable to put them back together again! It's something I do a lot: edit myself. Sometimes it's just better to write it all down and let the chips fall where they may. I don't think I have ever seen green eyes on anyone! Blue, yes, but green? Not so sure.

ds said...

Absolutely beautiful--a poem in those eyes.
And the rest, so true.
Thank you.

Steven Marty Grant said...

A beautiful piece, finding the amazing in the mundane is true poetry

Bernie said...

I have to admit there are many poems I don't get but I do yours as well as Kay's....love you both.
......:-) Hugs

Gwei Mui said...

What touching piece
I adore the twist before the poem ends

"doors swish open with a hiss
of compressed air & we
exit, going our separate ways,
me to work, you
snuggled tight to your
mother's shoulder &
i twiddle my fingers,"

Kaylen said...

Heartbreakingly beautiful!!!

God Whispers said...

Brian, this is so beautiful. Thank you. Blessings.

tony said...

Life&Love Is A Jig~Saw Puzzle.

Valerie said...

You talent really shines through, Brian. This is a fabulous poem. So sweet and enjoyable.

Emmanuel Ibok said...

LOL...I can relate to this particularly...I so feel you on this one.

I am preparing my entry for one shot...see you there.

I wrote something similar,you could check it out if you dont mind... http://lordemmanuel.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/the-train-i-boarded/

LadyFi said...

Beautiful, just gorgeous writing!

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Just to leave it alone, so hard to do. -j

Pauline said...

An air tight case for NOT deconstructing poems! This one needs no complicated explanations.

Tony Single said...

Wow... I decide to open my eyes to beauty, and this is what I read. Nice, Brian. Real nice. :)

the walking man said...

Always wiggle the fingers at a toddler...then send them on their way.

SuzyQ said...

Outstanding.

"that's what we do
with poems &
other beautiful things,
deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoeboxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again."

The most precious moments always evade capture.

JamieDedes said...

Oh, my! I love it. I won't deconstruct it. Enough to say, the surpise at the end is absolutely perfect. Thanks for a great ride . . .

Six Feet Under Blog said...

You've painted a pretty "picture". love green eyes.

Maggie said...

That was simply beautiful, Brian! :)

The Empress said...

gaaa! man, you do some kickin poetry, too.

Unfathomable...you have so many blessings ...

Thanks for sharing them with us.

AmyLK said...

I love green eyes on babies. This was a lovely picture of a morning commute!

Nancy said...

Love it, Brian! The ending was perfect!

Gaston Studio said...

I've always wondered what was the point in dissecting poems so choose not to. They either resonate with me or they don't. This one of yours certainly did. Thanks Brian.

sage said...

Nice poem--here I'm thinking she's a woman of beauty and then discover she's a small child with big eyes exploring the world... Garrison Keillor once said something along the lines of the reason men write poems is to sleep with women!

Anonymous said...

Lovely! The pictures taken when there is no camera. Sorry to post anonymously, but I can't post on Blogger as Wordpress for the last week+

http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/

annell said...

I liked the twist or twittle you did!

Mory said...

"that's what we do
with poems &
other beautiful things,
deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoeboxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again."

i couldn't agree more. beautifully painted.

Kat Mortensen said...

Sweet and surprising!

Unknown Mami said...

Sometimes the whole just cannot be broken down into pieces.

Beautiful!

Cor said...

I loved the story that your poem told. Great job! Beautiful imagery and so true.

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian-
I have to agree with some of the previous comments...the word "green eyes" are the words that are in my mindeye as I read your poetry.
Very nice!
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Syd said...

I like train rides. Interesting to watch people on trains.

Liza said...

"into dross"
I really love that.

"only for me"
I've kept some too.

natalee said...

awwwwwwwww......

PattiKen said...

Awww... And perhaps she will remember, and one day search for a man with a poem in his eyes, and wonder why she does that.

Raven said...

Oh Brian, this is just lovely. I can see those green eyes boring into my soul.

L.L. Barkat said...

"I read a poem in their endless green." Oh, I liked that a lot. Poems are everywhere, and eyes especially so.

JH_Poetry said...

Beautiful ending....Your exactly right, people can really mess up a good poem.lol Nice oneshot

Teresa said...

How awesome! I love this.

Jenna said...

"deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoeboxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again."

This...is...a-maz-ing. And, I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you for sharing this.

John's comments said...

I can sense the moment and agree with the sentiment of the argument for free verse poetry but I'm one of those writers whose imagination is freed by the constraints of formal poetical structures. And who likes deconstruction where it enables a deeper understanding of my craft. What I hate is when this is reduced to having to explain what were often intuitive leaps. Thanks for dropping by and reading Campaigning. I’m drawn to poetry as a storytelling technique and this was about the life of a woman emptied out by the political ambitions of her husband.

Ben Langhinrchs said...

Excellent poem. I especially like the "endless green" and the shoeboxes, but I liked it all. Wonderful painting with words.

Marla said...

I remember when I was that girl. Funny how small encounters can stick with us forever.