Thursday, August 19, 2010

55 - 1:45, McDonalds, east side

burger halfway to my lips,
he rears back
to bitch slap
his baby-mama
over cigarettes,
son's eyes wide,
but over familiar,
when dad & my glances meet &
he freezes before
walking out the door.

she smiles,
behind veiled eyes,
as they eat in peace,
once,
but we both know, i
won't be there later.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a shot or just read more, go see g-man.

114 comments:

Monkey Man said...

Grrrr. Why do people feel this need to use violence to solve issues. Makes me want to hit something...*smiles*. My 55 is HERE .

blueviolet said...

I hate that it happens, but I'll bet it's way more common that we even realize. :(

Titanium said...

Just once, I wish you could be there later. That poor woman needs someone, somewhere.

Wait. Maybe a 'bad cop' could do something about this. Lemme consult my alter ego. :)

otin said...

domestic violence is a terrible thing.

Mighty M said...

:(

Daniel said...

This whole scene makes me ill. It is so common. People who feel the need to dominate and subjugate others to make themselves appear strong. The threshold for violence keeps going lower and lower. Damn.

Sophia said...

Wow! Powerful. Brings back some of my own personal experiences of individuals not being there later...

moondustwriter said...

And some people have to work with these situations and try to be level-headed


Nice Bri

L.L. Barkat said...

perfect, in the worst-best way

Sam Liu said...

Such a tragic tale, and unfortunately very true. Domestic violence is so terrible. The powerful realism of this piece is very sobering, Brian.

G-Man said...

I hate when that happens.
If that takes place in public, just think what happens behind closed doors when he is drunk.
Excellent 55 My Friend..
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Cheryl said...

An all too common occurrence ~ cruelty unabated. Hard to comprehend. Less easy to tolerate.

Mojo said...

But for one brief shining moment...

You give what you can when you can. It's all you can do. Eventually, she'll have to make the call for herself.

Betsy said...

The stuff they do in public is probably so calm compared to behind closed doors. :(

Steven Anthony said...

it amazes me how you paint so many layers into so few words...powerful piece my friend

Steven Anthony
Man Dish~Metro Style

THE BEATY said...

pretty awful topic but great 55

Brian Miller said...

Ti, there is plenty of times i have to swallow my alter ego...smiles.

it is sad..right in the middle of mcd's, kid sitting there, over a stinking cigarette...hope she escapes...

Buzzard said...

A strong visual from so few words!

Prayer Girl said...

This kind of thing breaks my heart. Unfortunately there is a lot of sickness in our society.

PG

Bonnie said...

Hope this gets to some of the people who really need to read it, and wake up.

Brian Miller said...

me too bonnie...

hey everyone my net is on the fritz...so if i dont get back to you until tomorrow i will see you then...

b

The Retired One said...

How horrid, Brian..and that is just what you saw...you can imagine what goes on behind closed doors. It makes me shudder. I just have so much trouble understanding why women stay in relationships like this, especially with children they need to protect.

Eva Gallant said...

Way too common an occurance I'm afraid.

TALON said...

I feel for the child even more than the woman. I hope she makes the right choice.

Powerful 55, Brian.

Someone Is Special said...

violence is a bad thing.. First time here and enjoyed the 55 words. Brain thanks for your wonderful themes, due to time constraints am not able to catch up, surely will try my best from the next week. I enjoyed reading all the prompts particularly brush..

My 55 is up, love at first sight

--Someone Is Special--

n. davis rosback said...

if he had gone ahead and hit her,
someone could have reported it to the police.

not that it does any good when it is an adult victim. she needs to be the one to decide to go.

but, if it is a child that is the victim, one can call the state's child protective services.

it is so sad, because they are creating life problems and ways of thinking for the child.

very powerful piece.

Stan Ski said...

Powerful image - thought provoking55.

Me said...

Wonder what he saw in your glance?

Wish it could make a difference...

JennyMac said...

sad because it is so representative of life...but you have skillllzzzz.

she said...

is every town's east side like this? Sounds like mine. The saddest part is, although maybe not in public, domestic abuse happens on the north, south, and west sides of town, too. Nice, 55.

Marla said...

This makes me CRAZY!! I actually walked up to a couple once, gave her my number and asked if she wanted to leave him right NOW. I was hoping he would hit me because I would have been like a monkey on a banana.

Bob says I am going to get killed one of these days. I don't think he means by him. :-)

Janna said...

Domestic violence is such an evil, wicked thing.
I hate the fact that it's becoming more and more common in today's world.

Thanks for yet another well written Friday 55.
Here's mine... significantly less serious. :)

PattiKen said...

Oh, man. I have never actually seen a man hit a woman. Hope I never do, either. Powerful 55, Brian.

Ed Pilolla said...

big moment in a few words, sir.

The Silver Fox said...

Excellent piece about a disgusting occurrence. My violent days are behind me -- I hasten to point out that they never involved my striking a woman! -- but what few altercations I've had in the last several years have been because I was defending or avenging someone involved in a similar situation. So glad you were there, and so sorry you wouldn't be with them later... because there's always a "later."

adeeyoyo said...

Dreadful to think that people behave like that and, if it happens in public, how much worse is it in private? They have lost all respect for each other AND for themselves!

Susan Deborah said...

Is it just the ego in play? Baggage, maybe. Children get affected here.

Joy and peace,
Susan

christine said...

Such a sadness came over me reading this, but it brought home to me what a blessing my hubby is and how he cares for me. Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am.

mrsnesbitt said...

Poignant! True too, sadly!

D

anthonynorth said...

Powerful stuff, but tragically too common.

cindy said...

That is just so sad ... chilling!

tony said...

Well Written Brian.Yes, a worldwide view.

Cinner said...

Brian, this is very tragic, and much more common than I think many of us realize. They just stopped a program here due to cutbacks...which I think is ridiculous. lots of times the children are used as a means to keeping the woman under their control. I have known way too may people that have had to deal with this. nobody comes out of this unscathed.

Greyscale Territory said...

This is a domestic drama with far too public a face! A tragic moment beautifully expressed!

jinksy said...

Strange scenario for a poem - not quite sure of the picture, somehow... but disturbing, nevertheless...

Claudia said...

this is just horrible (not your writing of course - this is just wonderful as always)
and i so wish someone could be there later to help her escape

Goofball said...

you won't be there....let's hope someone els will

Birdie said...

that's terrible and yes if this already happens in the public, what happens when there are no witnesses? and how about the poor child, growing up in violence? what consequences is this going to have on him??? as much as I understand that for some women it's hard to leave, when there are kids ... well they just should pack and leave with the kids, maybe not even pack, just leave right now! there are organizations that help these moms with kids ... heartbreaking!

Scott said...

striking (no pun intended...) and such a vivid account... the eyes tell the story!

Valerie said...

I know it happens and I often wonder why. I felt very sad reading this.

Liza said...

I am in shock, but I needed that. Best not forget while life goes on, but I want to focus more on a smile than a slap now. That's what she needs no?
There is love.

Tabor said...

So many comments already...what can I add except that I enjoyed the read.

Just Be Real said...

Such a shame. Where is the talking anymore. We go right to the hitting.

Blessings.

Vicki Lane said...

All too common -- catching sight of what is obviously a toxic situation and having a real feeling how it will eventually play out...and being helpless to do anything about it.

dulce said...

Well captured...sad though!

sarah said...

sad :(

joanny said...

a powerful 55 er, and powerful glance, ditto to everyone's comments. Sad, tragic, an unforgivable event in front of children listening, watching, and role modeling.

Joanny

thanks for the nice comment and keen eye, fixed it.

magiceye said...

your 55 is so visually evocative and powerful! wow!
having said that it does invoke rage at such violence..

the walking man said...

Could have interrupted your lunch to go and have a chat with the little bitch in the parking lot. You know this is one of my very hot button issues.

Tracy said...

That's sad. When that kind of thing happens in public you don't have to wonder what goes on at home. *shudder*

drybottomgirl said...

I hate it when it happens in public and I shudder to think what happens behind closed doors. I would like to roll fear, control, and hate into a big ball and hurl it into the black universe forever! Sharp post! Have the best weekend....

Mama Zen said...

That is so sad. And, so real.

natalee said...

Ugh... this makes me cringe....unfortunately where i work i see too much of this sooo..... sad!!!!!!!!

J. said...

One time I saw a mom full-on-open-hand bitch slap her son right in the action aisle of Walmart.

I think it was the cavalier attitude of the mom that made the moment so striking. And of course, the sound.

Either way, not cool. Only thing round here gettin slapped is my wife's fine ass:)

Akelamalu said...

It happens far too often. :(

izzy said...

aggression and putting someone in their place there is underground about to happen-

DJan said...

So much said in just a few words, 55, to be exact. I know what you mean about seeing something like that. You made it into a powerful poem.

Maggie said...

That sucks. Especially when it is something like a cigarette, just a cigarette

Kulio said...

I've had that happen! For me it's usually with a mom ready to haul off and clock her child...blah. But I'm glad you were there.

I like, "but over familiar"

MomsJournal said...

Always found it odd how some can stop themselves in public or around specific people but then "loose it" elsewhere.

Great 55! :)

slommler said...

I saw a man pushing his wife around in the grocery store. She was 8 months pregnant!! I went up to him and told him off!! The bAS@@@d!! He froze...looked at me and I dared him to try and push me around. He walked away; leaving me and her standing there. She went after him! Too sad! I hate domestic violence and will jump in whenever I see it!! Literally! Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

Eric Alder said...

It's truly a weak man who hits a woman. A very poignant 55.

Meeko Fabulous said...

The things I must miss on a daily basis. I'm pretty bad about not noticing my surroundings.

Nessa said...

Way to capture the moment.

(Unfortunately, we can't ever be there "later.")

Magpie said...

Such a concise description in 55. I can't hide my feelings when I see something like this. Most of the time, I try to keep my opinions to myself, but this is hard to take.

5thsister said...

this one hits too close to home as I was often on the receiving end of this hand as a child. Well done, Brian, even if the subject matter is distasteful.

AmyLK said...

This is far too commonplace. Its scary.

Bossy Betty said...

So very powerful. You do amazing things with 55 words.

Tina said...

You gave her a voice here These situations make me ill. And we don't know what happens behind closed doors. Well captured slice of life.

The Girl from Cherry Blossom Street said...

It's the things we don't say that are important!

"she smiles,
behind veiled eyes..."

Painful.

Fireblossom said...

That man needs a cheap plastic happy meal toy jammed in his eye. Just sayin.

Lulda Casadaga said...

Sad part is the children have to be exposed to this craziness. :(

hope said...

Sadly true...and she doesn't know it's in her power to walk away and find a man who'll smile at her instead.

Thom said...

Domestic violence is such a horrible crime. Very powerful 55 my friend. Not a pleasant topic to write about but you do it so well. Have a wonderful Friday :)

Joanna Jenkins said...

Just one word for the Baby Mama--- RUN
Nice 55 Brian.
jj

Grand Pooba said...

I don't get how people can be that way, it's so sad!

Kat_RN said...

The scary thing is that this one is probably true. Well written.
Kat

izzy said...

Goodness - I can remember surprise situations like that ! Not fun-
Nice form and rhythm.

Nimue said...

hate such jerks !!!! may they meet the same fate some day ! #@$@#


but kudos to your writing !!

RNSANE said...

I saw and heard about so much of this in my 21 years as a forensic nurse. It is so sad.

Mine is at:http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/08/flash-55-friday-woe-is-me-august-20.html

RNSANE said...

I saw and heard about so much of this in my 21 years as a forensic nurse. It is so sad.

Mine is at:http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/08/flash-55-friday-woe-is-me-august-20.html

Baino said...

Hmm Macdonalds is best left alone for a number of reasons. Just wrote a piece on domestic violence actually but trying to act it out in public is just as savage.Shame we can't rescue these people.

Chris G. said...

Disgusting. That people would do such things...a tragedy, and all-together far too common a travesty in the world.

Nice work, Brian.

The Silver Fox said...

Brian...

I strongly suggest that you and your readers click on this link!

Congratulations!

secret agent woman said...

I work with so many victims of domestic abuse. It damages both the women and the children. But I have to tell you, I loathe the expression "bitch slap" - it seems to legitimize the violence.

TechnoBabe said...

How sad that a human being accepts being mistreated in the belief that they are getting what they deserve. It is something that no one else can "make" them see abuse for what it really is. Like an addict, they have to hit bottom and start to care about self and their child. You write such good posts. Bad but good writing.

william said...

zero tolerance mate, well written :)

Brian Miller said...

secret agent...that is definitely not intended...to legitamize...nope, not at all..

Teresa said...

It's a shame that you have such a realistic 55.

finallygettingtoeven.com said...

Oh how true this is. And the cycle just continues and continues...

KB said...

Heartbreaking that this is a familiar scene for many.

Mine’s here.

Lori said...

As one that knows what it means to be bitch slapped and knows what it means to smile behind veiled eyes, your words stung but in a good way. That is not my life anymore...thankfully. Sadly it is the life of many. Hope you and your have a good weekend!

Kavita said...

Don't you just wish you could be there whenever he raised his hand to slap!??!?!
And then GLARE at him, so that he walks away every single time? .. before he finally realizes ofcourse!!!
I so wish a slap could successfully answer a slap :) But it usually doesn't.. grr

A tight 55, Brian..

clean and crazy said...

too true and i am grateful that is not my life today

John's comments said...

Slap him back...I know sigh.Thanks for commenting on my Do not gently into the night post. Sorry for the delay but stranded at the seaside with pioneer levels of internet access.

Unknown Mami said...

Damn!

Arts Web Show said...

Lol. brilliant.

The Empress said...

That post right there made me think of 2 other ones spinning off of that one. One being the mental words exchanged when the two separate sets of male eyes locked on each other.

He knows you saw him, and in that instant, you could've read his mind.

Jill said...

But, you WERE there THIS time.

Mmm said...

I am so glad, Brian, you write about such subject that most would prefer to leave untouched. It is so important we all speak out. The horrors of that victim after the crowds are gone--held in the clutches of control and abuse and fear.

I have to comment on Hope's comment above though: I think that it is often not in their power to walk away, especially when with kids and afraid for what will happen to them, their kids, finances, etc.

Fear and threatening death are powerful forces of imprisonment. It's not so easy to simply decide to walk away. Those brave women who do, often are brutalized and even killed afterward, and if they survive, they have to change their entire identity, move away from the area, from any support outside the home they might have. It is truly a prison that never goes away. Tragic.

Anonymous said...

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Is this possible?

Syd said...

Very sad. I wonder why she stays...but I know why.

Caty said...

Glad you didn't turn your head...prevented it for the moment. Wish more people could do that instead of sitting by and ignoring the violence.

AngelMay said...

I have no idea how I managed to miss this one, Brian. But I just discovered that the Silver Fox awarded his "Thrust Home" award to you for this one. Well done. And Well-deserved!