Thursday, July 1, 2010

55 - the constant gardener

by the mailbox,
at the end of the drive,
red flag raised,
she lingers,
watching her neighbor
(shirt off & rippling)
glistening in the sun,
pushing his lawnmower
in slow methodical circles,
wishing her husband
paid as much attention
to what grew
in his backyard;
weeds taking root
in her heart,
choking all of their
beautiful flowers.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

110 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

The grass is greener? Another good one!

CM said...

Oooh, so much innuendo! What was she mailing? What's her relationship/lack thereof with the neighbor guy? Where's her husband? Does he see her lingering? Does he care?

We need the rest of the story...or not...:-)

Ed Pilolla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ed Pilolla said...

take two: what's a more magical place than a woman's garden, and her keen eye as to who might do a better job of tending to it? downright pretty stuff.

slommler said...

Oooo! Racy!! Just what garden does she want tended too!?! One can dream!
One can wish!
One can hope!
But can one have??
Hugs
SueAnn

Lisa said...

how sad to feel that neglected... you are amazing as always. :)

schererart said...

Perhaps her husband will surprise her, on her return home, with flowers he'd picked fresh from the neighbors garden! She always did like yellow :)

Anonymous said...

Please allow me to post anonymously because I can so relate to this woman who had been taken for granted for so many years; whose opinions are always 2nd to his; who is scolded like a child should she dare withdraw spending money from the ATM; to whom she is nothing but a receptacle to his desires with no concern as to her own needs.

Syd said...

Well, I hope that her husband figures out that the weeds are choking things. The grass may seem greener but it still has to be mowed on the other side.

Monkey Man said...

Great 55. I would feel creepy if I went too far with a comment. My 55 is HERE shortly.

Dianne said...

I love it! exactly my kind of metaphor, hey, have you been looking at my yard?
Ha
as gman says, HAKAWE!
Dianne

The Muse said...

The garden of Eve?
Left unattended....

I feel as if I am being swept away by currents, which are rippling beneath the surface!

NICE :)

May The Words Flow,
Blessings From The Muse
~Excursion of Xeranthemum~
http://adivashammer.com/?p=1477#comments

G-Man said...

Very nicely done Brian.
I LOVE allegorical 55's.
As usual my friend, Home Run!!!
You have a wonderful Fourth of July, God Bless America!

TechnoBabe said...

Many different interpretations of a garden here. Too bad she allowed the weeds to take root. Really hard to get rid of them.

Bonnie said...

So many gardens of the heart left unattended.

dustus said...

Great "red flag raised" line that creates tension in the 55. The garden allusion works as great background for the situational complexity. Agree with G-Man. Cleared the bases on that one.

Caty said...

love the metaphors in this post. Great one once again :)

moondustwriter said...

nice Bri - gotta keep the weeds down or other things can become a distraction.
I was trying to beat you to Gs

have a great 4th with the Family

artswebshow said...

You never fail to deliver.
Another great one

Changnoi said...

Got to keep the garden tidy.

Stan Ski said...

May be his 'garden' grows in another direction...?

Peter Stone said...

Hope her husband wakes up and realizes what he is missing before it is too late.

Another great 55, Brian.

heartspell said...

I guess she wouldn't be looking across the street if her husband was tending to the her garden.Great 55. Heartspell

secret agent woman said...

You'll appreciate this then - a patient told me today she said to her husband, "You've got more work to do than just hopping on and hopping off."

Marla said...

Excellent Brian!

The Retired One said...

Tell her to quit staring at my husband, will ya? (smiles)

Help! Mama Remote... said...

HAHA! That was good. Sounds like something on Desperate housewives.

Little Ms Blogger said...

this made me laugh because she was more interested with the way the neighbor kept up his yard and not the fact that his shirt was off.

The Urban Cowboy said...

Ouch...he needs to start pulling weeds!

http://buttercup600.wordpress.com said...

You are awesome and always love your work:)

Steven Anthony said...

the small things are sometimes bigger than we think....another good one friend

steveroni said...

Also agree with G-Man...out-of-the-park homer! (I hate weeds in gardens of hearts, because I DO know something about that...

Mine is HERE

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello Brian:)

The best gardeners are men but sometimes they forget to tend to the garden due to other preoccupations.

If the woman is prepared to share the work load of tending to the garden, then there will be immeasurable thrill and happiness.

A lovely post. I am amazed to see your extraordinary skill in churning out so many interesting stories in just 55 words.

Best wishes:)
Joseph

Magpie said...

Gosh, Brian, how do you manage to cram so much into just 55 words? Amazing and wonderful.

joanny said...

Brian

So much has already been said in so many different ways -- let me say -- you captured something very profound in loves garden Amazing how you used your pen in some fancy brushstrokes and painted a very vivid picture.

Well done,
Joanny

Susan Deborah said...

Yes, yes. Sometimes one does not notice the weeds until it overpowers. Relationships . . .

Joy always,
Susan

tracyhsays.com said...

Well done, and in 55 words...Very well done. This scenario happens too often these days it seems. Tiny seeds of discontentment fall on, what has been, good ground, and before you realize it, the yard is filled with those weeds. 55 words of insight. Bravo!

Just Say'n

Cinner said...

Weeds in her heart, now I know what to call them when they take hold. beautiful as always.

Jesson And Rey Ann said...

nice post, keep blogging!!!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

awesome 55. I haven't found inspiration yet...

TALON said...

It's amazing how you managed to make me feel so much from 55 well-chosen and well-crafted words, Brian. I hope she buys some weed-killer. :)

Mrsupole said...

I wonder why he was pushing the lawnmower so slowly. Was he recovering from a hangover or was he not as strong as he looked.

And yes the garden is not always greener next door. Maybe he had a wife looking at her husband when he mowed the lawn.

People need to be happy with what they have and stop coveting their neighbors stuff.

God bless.

Roxy said...

Oh my, I'm tickled after reading the comments, too funny!

I won't speak of the places my mind wandered while reading this racy 55. But you did a great job, as always!

RNSANE said...

You are so good at this, Brian!
Such a sensual piece that says
so much. Makes me wish I had
grass in my back yard ( and
someone with rippling muscles to
cut it ).

Mine is at:
http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2010/07/happy-birthday-usa-flash-55-friday-july.html

mrsnesbitt said...

Wonderful! I think the same neighbour featured in my contribution too! lol!

anthonynorth said...

A great metaphor in this. Excellent.

island of peace said...

these are the eternal reasons for love tiffs :)

in my country its groceries and vegetables in your country i grasp its mostly lawn mowing :) or leaking roof.

it really takes a lot of love and compatibility to make a marriage success.

Goofball said...

what a shame

did she try to speak up about it already?

Thom said...

Excellent 55 my friend. I really like this and I hope she realizes the grass is never greener on the other side. Just contains more weeds and hopefully hubby will realize that as well and pay attention to her. Happy 4th to you and your family :)

Alan Burnett said...

How can you make me feel so guilty about neglecting the lawn in so few words? Not sure whether to say "well done" or to say five "Hail Brian's" and hope it rains.

Mona said...

This is poignant. So true for many. Reminds me of rat's alley husband and his game of chess wife from Eliot's wasteland...

But, at lest there is some greenery here, albeit in weed form...

So there is hope yet...

Greyscale Territory said...

I see a woman choking with those weeds when she lacks attention in her garden. The flowers she once had with her husband are disappearing! The neighbour is simply an association, a reminder of what she is losing!

Katherine said...

If the husband were a wise sorta fella he would take a leaf out of his neighbors gardening manual.
A garden will not grow or bare fruit or flowers, if has not first been tended to. A garden will only grow as it should if someone has expended some effort on them.
A brilliant 55 Brian as usual!

soundoffreedom said...

such a gift when a writer can read an entire life and compose it in 55 words..nicely done!

Just Be Real said...

I smile, because I have no lawn or husband to worry about. :)

John's comments said...

Sounds like the grass has grown too long while's he's been on holiday. He needs to give it a cut with the blade set quite high to reduce the weeds getting established. My 55 here

LadyFi said...

Fabulously written - and true for many relationships.

Mr. Stupid said...

Great post, Brian. A garden cannot be neglected. Its needs attention and some effort.

Nessa said...

Such longing in so few words.

Jannie Funster said...

Wow, he must have a very round yard, that chest-rippling guy!

:)

Well done.

jabblog said...

My goodness - the things women will do to in order to eye a fanciable man. Perhaps it's the other way about - he sees her approaching and gets busy in the garden . . .

Vicki Lane said...

You are so good, Brian!

JennyMac said...

AWESOME!

Caroline said...

dude...is she about to leave him? Should we warn him? I want to know more!!!

PattiKen said...

I can just feel the neglect and the bits of "in only..." swirling around her. I think it's time for a serious conversation between them. Nice, if a bit sad.

buffalodick said...

Damn yard Nazis anyway... :)

Joanie M said...

Poor lady, feeling neglected.

Akelamalu said...

She should tell her husband her garden needs tending. ;)

Wonderful 55 Brian.

Daniel said...

Clearly the seeds have been planted ... A shame.

Mama Wheaton said...

Reminds us that we have to tend to the gardesn of our own homes before we look after anything else.

sheila said...

Poor lady. :o) She needs to spark something in her relationship, lol

tori said...

sometimes I wish like that...

Felicitas said...

Ohhh... a true warning for all who neglect their gardens at home. It doesn't take long for weeds to ruin best laid plans!

drybottomgirl said...

Well no hunks in my neighborhood except my husband and he's content to watch me in the yard! It is my domaine, he's proud of it and tells everyone that I get all the credit. But what you wrote is too true, I know so many people looking the other way because their "gardens" aren't tended at home. Hope you and your family have an awesome fourth! At 41 I still love fireworks.....(both in the sky and with my husband hee, hee)

Lorraine said...

It's sad when we take others for granted, we shouldn't...ever :)

Tracy said...

From lust to longing in 55. Sometimes the seeds you plant sprout into the most unexpected and beautiful flowers, Brian!

Lisa said...

Wow, Brian. This is REALLY good--a beautiful metaphor.

Valerie said...

Great 55. I agree with Mrsupole, we should look at our own gardens with new eyes.

Claudia said...

Do I know someone else who can display such a complex topic with less than 55 words..? Stunned - again!
I'm glad my husband cares very well for his garden - but nevertheless a good reminder to be careful who you watch.
P.S. Maybe I give the 55 thing a try next week - is it only on friday you can post the 55's or doesn't matter when? Link back to G-man after posting?

AmyLK said...

sounds like a marriage in trouble for the sake of the grass. Get your house in order first. Nice 55, Brian!

Nancy said...

Whoa. Good one.

Meeko Fabulous said...

That's why it's important to tend to our own "garden" (aka relationship). If you take care of it and nurture it, it'll blossom into something beautiful.

Tim Keeton said...

Brian,

Very powerful. I liked it.

Rhyme on!

Tim Keeton
(Undead)Poet / Wizard / Teller-of-tales

Lorenzo said...

Ah, that telltale "red flag raised" ...

Mighty M said...

Nice..

Hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Pat said...

So much going on in those 55 little words.....

Great job as always!

Alice Audrey said...

Love is like a garden. It must be constantly attended.

She Writes said...

Ah, so many places more words could have taken this one!

izzy said...

cool,-dang weeds! thanks for visiting and commenting !

Raven said...

Oh, this is a delightful one. I want a neighbor with his shirt off and rippling!

Sam Liu said...

Beautiful metaphor, you capture human emotion and longing so wonderfully. This is a brilliant 55, Brian :)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm so glad that I'm now following you. Your writing reminds me of how my creative thought used to be. Somewhere, it still lies dormant, waiting to be woken up once again. Maybe your beautiful words may do just that.

marie said...

tough stuff, but as always, "two wrongs won't make a right," so they say. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my 55s. Take care!

Leah said...

I love the detail of her whereabouts--by the mailbox--hoping--great job.

Joanna Jenkins said...

That was a power 55 that spoke volumes. Very nice job, as always,

Hope your family has a great July 4th and some extra time together.

Happy weekend,
jj

C.M. Jackson said...

you had me at rippling---angst, desire and weeds choking her heart-here's hoping that her husband wakes up before it is too late...happy friday and a wonderful weekend to you and yours

sage said...

Very nice, beautiful yet sad.

Nara Malone said...

so many perfect images:

"red flag raised" and "weeds taking root in her heart" are my favorites

Bing (PinkLady) said...

i'm looking beyond the garden and the weeds... never underestimate what goes on in the mind of a neglected wife. :) this is lovely, brian!

Jen said...

Uh-oh. Sounds like a husband with a case of the "we're married, I've already bought and own the cow"...

gayle said...

Marriage is one of the hardest things!!
Loved this!!

natalee said...

This would be a great long story

hope said...

Quite the picture you painted. :)

Have a happy 4th!

jake said...

Brian, wonderful comparison here. I'm really impressed, I was thinking something entirely different about mowing the lawn, but I'm also a dork...

Anyway, you said a lot with very few words.

adeeyoyo said...

Great - well done!

Mmm said...

Too too true. Some men work at the temporary things so much whilst leaving out the one who needs most tending--the one who would be there when they are on their death bed. Too many men thingk they are serving their family by being constantly gone.

Tina said...

I can always count on you for layers of meaning in your work, and this was no exception. Again, great metaphor. Very vivid, and a tad sad.

finallygettingtoeven.com said...

um..what is this ladies address? My neighbors don't look like this...maybe I should consider moving??? thanks for another great read!

kavisionz said...

WOW!! That was fantastic!
In such few words, you have brought out a plethora of human feelings... longing, misery, desire, attention,...
Absolutely wonderful!
And in the end, it has a sad note to it...
Kinda chilling !
Awesome work!!!!

kavisionz said...

This was REALLY a fascinating read!