Ugh...what is that...an eyeball?, mind snapping to alert, she peers into the shadows made by the shrubs, then back down the sidewalk to her car. Icy fingers play a concerto on her backbone, as twigs snap, shadows separating...followed by giggles of the neighbor's kids rushing off to another hiding spot.
Chiding herself for being so jumpy, she flicks the offending article into the mulch with the toe of a shoe, rattling her keys into the door. She would have a talk with their mother, or maybe this time she would just find a way to get them back for their pranks. First though, maybe a glass of wine to go with the bath, instead of the book.
Pushing the door shut behind her, she moves through the dark foyer into the living, like a shark sliding through the water. The house is cool, which further soothes her. She doesn't want to interrupt it by turning on a light. Finding her spot on the couch, she lets the day melt off her skin, relaxing muscle groups.
Flipping open her laptop, more out of habit than anything, its fan whirs to life. The soft light of the screen breaks the darkness illuminating her face, painting the room in blue tones. Just a quick check of the email, maybe her reading list and then to the shower. She makes herself promises she knows she won't keep once she is sucked into the blogosphere.
She has been trying to do better. There was a time when two or three hours would go by before she knew it, legs having long gone to sleep curled up underneath her. Ever since she started getting comments from one particular admirer, she had become increasingly uncomfortable in her online world.
They had started off innocent, platitudes of a particularly good post, but then they gained a creepy edge, almost seeming suggestive. He started changing screen names and leaving comments on older posts. She had sent him an email asking for space and a little respect, which worked for a time, but recently he had returned. Perhaps it was time to give up blogging for a while.
Clicking through her email, she quickly becomes enmeshed; comments from blog friends, direct emails, sending her bouncing back and forth between email and their blogs, leaving a comment trail behind her. Peering at the time on the bottom of the screen, she decides there was just enough time for a quick shower now, sans the book and wine, and still be able to get a good nights sleep.
Moving her cursor across the screen to close down the windows, a dialog box pops up letting her know there is new mail, which she relents to, just one more...realising it is from him, she almost erases it, but the subject line beckons her to open it.
RE: my gift
so what did you think about my gift?
Richard
What is he talking about?, she replays the evening in her head. Eye widening, she jumps from the couch, spilling the laptop into the floor. Hastily making her way across the room, she is out the door and on the sidewalk, banging on her neighbors door. Her fist booms against the hollow core metal, until it swings open.
"Don't you know what time it is?"
"Your children, they left something on my doorstep tonight."
"They did no such thing..."
"Yes, i saw them...heard them giggling in the bushes..."
"Yeah, they told me they saw you but it wasn't them that left that awful thing there. It was a man that stopped by a bit earlier. They told me they saw him, then snuck over after he drove away to see what he left you. Any man that would leave an eye ball on your front..."
She is not listening, voice fading behind her as she runs again back toward her apartment. The gun is in the bed side table, her phone is on the bar...these things scroll like a check list through her head. The lock thumps solidly into the jam and she is already moving, letting her fingers slide across the bar to the place she left her phone, finding nothing.
"Looking for something...", his voice rasps in her ear, sending her already racing heart into overdrive.
Spinning, bringing her hands up, his latch like a vice on her wrists, pushing her back toward the bed room. Everything is moving fast and she is not keeping up. Legs tangling she spills onto the carpet at the foot of the bed. Casually he spins the dimmer for the light, bringing a muted dawn to the room.
"Did you like my present?" she notices the eye patch over his left eye for the first time, bringing the contents of her stomach to a boil.
"Actually, I am glad you are here...", she stammers.
His laughter could peel the paint off the wall, "Don't patronize me..."
"No really..." his long fingers find her knees, lust flickering in his eyes, up to the moment a baseball bat connects with his head, making a sound like a popping melon.
~~~~~
Eye lashes flicker, the blurred shapes of the room swimming, a dagger of pain erupting from the temple, throbbing..."whuh?"
"I am glad you are awake."
"What are you doing?"
"Blogging. I have this wonderful story I am just about to finish. You would love it. It's about a man that thinks he is in control, only to find that he really isn't. Also, the anesthesia should be wearing off and you will find that your eye is not the only thing you are missing..."
His screams echo off the walls as her fingers click clack the closing lines to the story. No, I don't think I will be needing that blog break after all, she snickers at her thought...
This is a Magpie Tale.
89 comments:
you are amazing!! i appreciated the heads up with the rating on this weeks magpie, heh heh, but i dove right in anyway, knowing that you were just being gentle with the faint of heart ;) and what a great ending...brian, you have captured not only my attention but my heart, as well! and i promise, no gifts will be left out on your doorstep :)
omg omg.... you had me hook, line and sinker...... great suspense
Brian what a tale. Love it. Thank you for sharing.
That was amazing. I just love all your stories. An eye as a gift? Now, what can she do with that? LOL
Thanks for sharing this thrilling tale. Have a good day!:)
Good one. I love the twist in the end...More than meets the eye indeed... Peace/ Jo.
Ack!!! You had me on the edge of my seat with this one. Loved it and the turn around is great!! Had to re-read it!
Thanks
Hugs
SueAnn
thanks for reading...this is probably the longest thing i have posted on here...tried to keep it moving...could not figure out how to cut it though...ah, enjoy...and see you soon...bwahaha...lol.
Unexpected twists, I love 'em. A really gripping tale.... I read it three times, it was THAT good. Well done, Brian.
Shudder!! Well that makes me think about blogville...nah!! I still love it here. What a fantastically creepy story Brian & a very clever ending too!
Maybe you should write a book or a script for a movie or play. You are such a talented man.
Great Stuff!
Alfred Hitchcock-esque! Glad I am reading this in the morning and not before bed!
Great piece Brian!!
Great, like a short story for a magazine. Easy to follow even when reading it quickly. Parts of it gave me the creeps and parts of it gave me revenge.
Great buld up of tension Brian. Creepy. I won't be trying that line.
I think my wife will just have to make do with chocolates.
That one knocked me back on my heals.
Your urgency to post this gem is obvious.
An eyeball, ..., ah just one more thing to dust. Actually the eyeball reminds me of the scene in Angels and Demons where they find the eyeball. I found myself laughing when I read it. Actually this is a pretty dark piece for you. I liked reading this one.
I tip my hat to you..... :)
Great creepy fun and nothing wrong with the length at all.
my heart rate went through the roof reading this!!1 very chilling!!!!
Oh, I did not expect to have my heart pounding this early in the morning.
That is too close to real life. It is so possible, which is what makes it all the scarier.
You read it and think, absolutely this could happen.
Gripping. Thank you ( I think...)
Now that my heart rate has come down, I can say "beautifully done."
Oh my -- what a great twist!
Amazing!
Ah...Payback is a female dog...
EXCELLENT, Brian...
have you read mine?
hugs
shakira
Brilliant! I LOVE this tale. Scary and triumphant.
Pure awesomeness.
ahhhhh!!!!!!
scary and creepy!!!!
icy fingers playing a concerto on her spine - nice!
I am so creeped out this morning!!!
:-)
Creepy wow so true, could happen, I'm glad I only started blogging in my late forties....not too many 60 or 70 year old, will follow with lust lol
great story, freaky spook and suspense...scary girl! lol love it
Oh, this was divine!! I love ironic justice and this one had it. Shades of Brotin here...:)
Happy Monday!
Wow, this was a really good "page turner". I am so happy she prevailed in the end. :-)
this is a goodone Brian! Reminds me of the time I woke up screaming thinking my kidney was removed. but this one was eyeballs
You've got a bit of a "Misery" thing going here. Interesting.
I could really identify with this line: 'She makes herself promises she knows she won't keep once she is sucked into the blogosphere." ( This is particularly true when I get on Ancestry.ca and try to blog as well.)
Good one!
I like it when the woman wins. And the story just pulled me in, expecting her to be a victim. Well done!
Did somebody say Alfred Hitchcock?...I'm thinking Alfred Hitchcock
Alfred Hitchcock, his presence alive and well today.
I love reading your posts. They never fail to capture my attention or increase my heart rate...whether poetry or story. Great story!! I agree it reminded me of Hitchcock a bit but less predictable and a lot more enjoyable!
Great tale! Suspenseful, and tight. Very well done!
That was so out of character; I wasn't prepared for it! Creepy!
So he had an eye on her and she had a tale for him...lol (you made it PG-13)
As always I was lured in and held captive til the end.
I will never play with my eye-Pod again......!
Creepy and too real. This is why I don't post many pics of myself and most of the ones I have posted I'm wearing a hat and sunglasses. Thanks for the reminder.
Ooo...starts off very Hitchcock and ends up with a Stephen King-ish twist. Creeeee-peee. All of us in the blog world can relate to this one.
Oh goodness, this story was mesmerizing! I was on the edge of my seat all the way through.
Totally creepy and totally well written, Brian! What a yucky, but interesting, photo and look what you got from it! Amazing!
Another great story, had me hooked from the beginning.
Wow, Brian! That one left chills on my spine.
it was quite creepy! you created the perfect atmosphere of suspense and fear.
I used to know someone with an artificial eye...but the only trotted it out at parties, leaving it in someone's glass to cause an uproar..great story, love the suspense, you have an awesome talent for sucking the reader in very quickly and placing them at the scene of events....very talented u r!
your story kept me on my toes.well written Brian.
Oh WOW! I loved it! She got her revenge. lol
Brian...this is...just amazing! The suspense built throughout, the descriptions were electric, the dialogue even more so. You completely drew me into that terrifying world, this is a wonderful, wonderful magpie tale.
the longer the better as it gets juicier as it goes on, well done mate this was awsome :)
love it.
I'm a bit worried about the parts of this story I can identify with...
oh damn, that was just too creepy. Are you related to Roald Dahl?
YOu have readers under the age of 13? Hahaha! Nice story. The hardest thing in the world is to 'end' well. You did.
You had my full attention on this one. :) Have a fun week.
You're getting as twisted as Otin. LOVED! Great tie to blogging. I think we can all relate to the late night hours ans just one more...
Did you intentionlly name him Richard only to have her cut his "Richard" off?
BWAH HA HA HA
Holy Crap, Batman! Ya scared me. Ya scared me good. Totally unexpected and utterly delightful. Well, delightful might not be the right word, but it was definitely entertaining. Did I mention scary?
disturbing, and very well written
Oh Lord Brian! that was quite the doozy! Ha. I saw myself there for a few minutes, but then vanished just as quick. I love the last spin you put on that. You are good my friend. Very good. :)
Now I'll be looking over my shoulder the rest of the day. This computer needs to NOT be in a corner away from the rest of the house!!! :)
Brian,
I goota say this is really sensational. But the best part was the description of the blog addiction throughout.
"She makes herself promises she knows she won't keep once she is sucked into the blogosphere."
How many times has that happened to me...too many. ;)
perfectamundo!
rel
That was wicked cool!
The online world can be scary when people attach themselves to you and become stalkerish!
Great story.....You had me at
"blogosphere"......:-) Hugs
That was creepy! It would be horrible to have a stalker, wouldn't it? I've heard tales of that happening.
You are my kind of sick and twisted, dude. Great story.
I watched Urban Legends II last night... reminds me of something I read here...
Igh. Seriously.
Dear Brian: "I" absolutely adored this horror genre story-within-a-story plot; very excellent! The climax and anti-climax denouement all achieved with a heart-wrenching twist and much creepiness! BTW (by the way); I think I just learned some blog etiquette; NEVER leave blog replies on old blogs and never leave your prosthetic eye on somebody's stoop. Love your POV, first person narrative as well from a "ladies" perspective. Got that much needed sweet revenge a la "Carrie". Loved the image of woman as a powerful, taking-care-of-business type lady! Oh creepy, oh so creepy!!! (now whats the remedy for the hair rising on my neck and heart thwups?):)
A dream within a dream..and each reality is very scary..I want more!!
Wicked good, Brian! This one had to be read and re-read... just WOW.
I'm scared!
Absofrickinloutely fun story, Brian...I loved this one!!!
Mind-blowing Tale,
what a mindful writer!
The ending is a magical twist,
Reading it feels like peeling an onion, I enjoy the multi-layered insights in it.
handsome writing,
remarkable theme!
Happy Monday!
Whooo-eee, Brian! You are amazing! Where on earth do you come up with the wide variety of ideas that you do? Amazing writing, Brian. Truly amazing
A very weird tale. The eyeball reminded me of an uncle who had a glass eye that he would take out. One day he dropped his eye and it shattered so we took him a box of glass eyes so that he could pick another one. A true and rather interesting story from childhood.
Even dead flowers would make a better gift than an eye, methinks! A fun, fast paced read. Wonderful.
tha tis jsut outright weird adn scary! Whoa!!! you are one gifted writer.
Oh, Brian! Stephen King had better watch out!
ENCORE! Brian, I LOVED IT!! My only advice, "What the HELL is he talking about" would be the real line uttered here :). More creepy stuff, please!
That was intense! Super impressed with your ability to tell a story!!
The eyeball on my sidebar was great-- but the story is even better. Fabulous job on this one Brian. It's a nice departure and you did it so well.
More please,
jj
Again, I like where you're taking your writing. PG-13 is beneath you, though. ;)
eeewwwh. Why did I feel so personalized in that story? you know your audience, and you know how to scare us!
It is glorious sunny morning here, but I had shivers running down my spine reading this.;)
Loved the ending.;)
You talented you, only you can create such an ending.;)
xo
Great story, great twist... i don't know where you get it all from!
Loved the story! When i first read "she moves through the dark foyer into the living, like a shark sliding through the water," i thought it sounded a little out of place, but now i know it was way awesome foreshadowing. Your main character rocked! at the end you realize she is just as creepy as her stalker. great Magpie.
Creepy and fun all at the same time
Ooh, creepy! And cautionary? Should I get off the keyboard and go play with the kids?
Interesting and very creative! I wasn't expecting that but it was really good. Keep writing!
Ahh!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Haaa! Nice twist. Dread was just kicking in when you turned it. Good one. Yeah.
Oh yeah. Love the illo at the end, too.
;-)
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