tap...tap...tap...
groaning, it takes nearly all the effort she has left to lift her head. "can't they read", she mumbles to the empty diner, half expecting a smart response from cheryl the cashier, but she along with everyone else had been smart, slipping out the back at closing time. she had only wanted a minute, to feel the quiet.
a pale shadow hangs in the moonlight streaming through the door, the lack of response obviously meaning nothing to whoever is there. tap...tap...tap...
"alright, already", this time loud enough to echo, sending throbbing pain through her temples.
rising slowly, her feet shuffle along the linoleum, until she stands before the obstinate...old man. draped in a brown trench coat, his shock white hair peeking from beneath a fedora, the man's smile curls beneath thick glasses. she just stands, staring.
"can i come in?", his voice like fog, creeping through the glass to her ears.
"no, we are closed."
"yeah, i saw that. i was just hoping someone was here."
"well, you will have to come back tomorrow", she turns to head toward the back, pressing her thumbs into her temples.
tap...tap...tap...
"look, we are closed! now go away!", realising how loud she was, she gazes once more toward the door to find the old man gone, only a rose laying on the cold gray sidewalk.
peering through the window, she scans the street, finding it empty, as if the whole world was asleep. rattling the bolt, the door glides open and she retrieves the rose, finding a note attached by a ribbon.
to my blue plate special, i just needed to see you, one more time...
a soft warm wind washes her face, as she stands, still holding the door. funny, that's what my husband calls me, she thinks, before locking up once more, and heading through the kitchen to where her car waits, in the parking lot, to take her home.
This is a Magpie Tale.
107 comments:
i like the surreal mysteriousness. very enjoyable!
I was afraid this one was going to end badly - I'm glad it didn't!
Brian...what have you done??
Is her husband dead? Will we ever know? How can you leave us like this?
...and then what? Aren't you gonna tell us? Don't leave us like this! The suspense is killing me!!
Um...were you a waitress in a former life? How do you do this stuff? You are amazing. Happy weekend!
lovely Magpie Brian!
I don't think she could just turn around and walk to the car to go home.
http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/poetry-award-for-week-18-thursday-poets-rally/
Three awards for poetry,
the most honest poet award,
the most open minded poet award,
the most intelligent poet award,
two general awards,
the big heart award,
you are the princess snow-white award.
Hope that you enjoy these 5 award.
Happy Weekend!
Smiles!
Wow,
What A Cute Magpie,
You Have Lovely Imaginations,
I Enjoy This ONE very much!
Legendary Experiences, You Are The Only ONE who is capable enough to write it!
I bet you will be still giggling about your masterpiece in your dreams tonight!
Happy Saturday!
More, please!! :)
perhaps she will make the connection on the drive home...smiles.
but i guess here is where your imaginations take over...
I love how you leave your writings so open for interpretation...so much fun! Great magpie, once again =)
Brian,
This is very good. You are such a good writer. Are you going to finish it? Was it her husband?
Oh the cliff hanger kills me. I like the way you leave it so delicately, despite us all wanting to know if that was the last she would see of her husband or if he travelled back in time to see her, or, or, or...
Brilliant again.
Wonderful, but left me wanting more.
Oh, this is such a tease! And I felt her exhaustion, Brian. I hope she has reason to smile soon.
I love cliff hangers...I have tons of fun filling in the blanks.
Wonderful, I once was a waitress so can relate to that exhaustion she felt. I will spin my own ending in my head....hmmmmm/ have a great weekend.
wonderful...u write in d most beautiful way possibl..!!
I love it. It reminds me of the one coversation you wished you had, or the question you wish you would have asked, only it is now too late because they are gone from this world. I think the husband is dead- but the optimistic side of me says he is alive and the old man has reminded her to appreciate him.
Once again you leave us in suspenders! :0)
Wow. This is beautiful writing. I loved the ending...:)
Lovely story but I want to believe it didnt end where it ended. You got me looking for more after I read the last line. I dedicated and shared an award with you on my Blog. You dont have to do anything...cheers!!!
Yeah, will there be more to come..?
The start of a book... right?
Loved this mysterious tale, Brian ... and want to read more.
Excellent, the rest of the story is right there, you don't need to complete it.
By the way, my plates are Blue Willow, the pattern shown, do you know the story that goes with the design?
Kat
Oh........The Last Supper gone wrong...
This is romantic in a melancholic, mysterious way. It stirred up some emotions deep within...
I hope you are having a lovely weekend Brian,
xo
now brian, look what you've gone and done...i haven't even had my first cup of coffee and already i'm having to think! this was fabulous, so full of detail and thought but now you're going to have to come up with a plan to rescue all of us who were left hanging ;) have a great weekend, my dear friend!
Gosh you're awesome...
zuzana, that is kinda the feel i was going for...my original thought was an aging husband gets one last chance to see his wife who never made it to his age...only she does not recognize him because he is older...she may have missed an opportunity(becuase she was distracted by circumstance), but he made the most of his...
Nice and I love the picture. My mother has Blue Willow plates. She has been buying them at English markets for as long as I remember
Woooooooooooooo! loved that one!
Very Thought provoking, I really enjoyed it. Being a waitress it brought back some memories too. My feet hurt just thinking about it. It did leave me wanting more.
Starla
Oh crap.... I love ghost stories...MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!
Here I am, dangling on your beautiful cliff-hanger ... again.
oooh great story to be continued I hope?
These stores are my blue plate special: tasty, hot, garnished with just a touch of mystery and leaving you wanting more.
creepy and thrillng.well done Brian.
It is an interesting thing you have written here Brian. The message is clear even though the character of the old man was not so readily seen.
Ah, mysterious and lovely!
I wonder what will await her at home... nicely done, Brian!
Now can you finish the rest of the story?
Wow. So cool
damn, I think her husband's dead. Creepy
Oh, way to leave us hanging! Good story, though, Brian!
your writings are always breathtakingly beautiful.
another masterpiece is all i can say.
happy saturday and namaste.
Kind of open ended, but that may be what you intended...
I loved the eerie suspense of this story, so wonderfully crafted, the ending, as always, was a shock and a delight. The images and scenes this Magpie Tale conjures are truly superb. Great story, Brian.
Oh, damn! And she didn't open the door to him! What a chance she has missed.
Oh no, does the story end with her finding her husband at home dead and he came to see her before he was taken to ....???
Good story!
Christine
Very 'phantom' like ~~ I loved your Magpie!
Where is her husband? Why is it one last time? So not nice!
Dear Brian: Impeccable style! Love the way you describe the scene with the streaming light, the solitary rose creating a stark atmosphere to imply a "film noir" mood. The woman/waitress could have taken more time (pun) and she should have, she could have then she would have been happy ever after with hubby who wasnt coming back as a ghost! I get it!Then it would have been a happy ending unfortunately this did not happen and that's just the way it goes; life's own laws of Newton physics metes out this unkind karmic justice. Lovely hubris!
That was great! I want to know more...
Very well done! But there's got to be more right? <3
Oh, my imagination is definitely taking over, my blue plate special. Tap, tap, tap...
oh very clever dude, u left us hangin, the ultimate profession of a great writer, u got it all :)
That was kind of a fun one, in a spooky way.
That is so romantic, and mysterious, and lovely.I really enjoyed it.
And then .....??? I love this! You've got my imagination begging for more!! You have to tell us .... !!!
Brilliant Magpie!
The dialogue kept me hooked.
goosebumps and chills when I read this one. How romantic and beautiful...and I don't do romance. Brain, wonderful, wonderful.
...I don't know. It's a mystery!
Very mysterious and very addictive as to guessing what and where the story goes from here.......
and a rose..!!! How romantic and poignant!
oh drats...are you going to leave us all hanging??? wtf
And I just love the blue willow dish. Brings back memories of my childhood. My mom had a set of blue willow plates...
Mysterious!
I love it. I was caught off guard by what "my husband calls me" ... I thought it would have been "called"
I love it, as always. You have remarkable talent. Tell me, what name do you publish under??
Mad me sad a little, think I will go find 'he who' and give him a hug....
If you don't tell us we will all come to your house and put blue plates at the front door.
*to my blue plate special, i just needed to see you, one more time...*
Sweet Take On The Prompt,
Your tale dominates,
Magical Writing!
Happy Sunday Ahead!
Sweet Dreams!
I thought it might end badly too. I'm glad it didn't. I'm still recovering from the violence at Otin's place.
Brian, you have to wait until tomorrow at WVPhoto to see why there is a lighthouse in the desert. :)
Brian! Now, did her husband die just at that minute? When she goes home, will she find him dead on the LaZ-boy?
You're killing me here...
Fantastic. The description of her fatigue is palpable.
Is there a Chapter 2?
Pretty please...
jj
this really plays nicely on the mind
Oh my! I heard the theme song to The Twilight show come on. Now I am not sure what has happened. So I figured her husband had disappeared one night long ago...and he just had to see her again. But he had changed so much that she didn't recognize him. But the words of the man at the door will haunt her for weeks now.
Hugging you
SueAnn
I see another bit of mystery has reared it's head here! I am taking it that her husband was dead? Very cool. I like these stories.
Torture, pure torture. Must have a sequel to fill in the missing pieces.
Has her husband passed?
Is it her husband from the future come back to the past? Like in the movie "The time travellers wife"... Ok Brian.... I am reading this just before going to bed & now I will lie here wondering what happened!! Your a wonderful writer Brian...and I am a frustrated reader!! Tee! hee! hee!
I really wanted to read your post later as I am thinking of doing a magpie tale too...
but I cannot resist...and this is so good, Brian..
I LOVE it..now...I do not know what to write...ah....LOL
hugs
shakira
I was left wondering. Brian, this had potential to be SCARY! Instead, I am left wondering where is her husband?! Home? Was it him? another man acting like him? Hmmmm... You got me.
You know I love a good cliffhanger. My guess is she died on her way home and her husband was putting the rose on her casket and since she had just left work before the car accident those were what her last memories were about. Just so many ways this one could go. Great story.
God bless.
Great story. I almost enjoyed reading everyone's idea of what had happened as much as I enjoyed the tale.
Oooh, very mysterious, and sad. I think something happened to her husband and he came to say goodbye.
Great stuff, Brian. Very enjoyable.
I'm glad she didn't open the door
keep your stinking rose
loser man
Maybe she wouldn't have to work so hard and be so exhausted if she had had an equal mate
romantic? where
Loved it!!!!!
Oh I want to know more!!!
Brian
WOW-- I really love the ending of this one with the rose and all -- I loved the way you built up the suspense and then leave it as an intriguing mystery.
Joanny
really enjoyed that! i like how it's left open for interpretation.
Showing how it is done with style. Masterful.
I shouldn't have read this at 1:30AM...now I will lie awake trying to figure all of it out.
You sure can capture a mood and set a scene!
It sounds as if his spirit has left or is ready to leave and he has come to say good bye. Sad how we don't recognize or intuit those good byes before dying.
Oh Brian...You just left us hanging...Imaginations running wild...But I saw your response and that made it just the more sweet...This was simply...lovely :)
Mysterious and magical, this one sings.
Glad to know her husband's spirit brushed past her one more time..as he was becoming a ghost..my kind of story!!
nice. very engaging.
She says "that's what my husband calls me" in the present tense, so maybe the old man was looking for someone else.
QMM
My first taste of your writing, and I already want more. Great Magpie-- and fantastic imagination! Reads like a Twilight Zone--my favorite :)
Brian,
Every week your incredible stories get better and more intrigueing. It's a gift my friend!
Great Magpieing.:)
rel
Amazing writing! You really know how to craft incredible plots and characters into such short stories. Are you thinking about writing a novel any time in the future?
Brian, I hope that someday you put out either a novel, or a collection of these stories. You are a great story-teller!!!!
How long was she asleep at that table? It reminds me of Rip Van Winkle.
Very good, but I want to know more!
There I was waiting to turn the page...hmm....mysterious you are!
I love your tales :-) beautifully written Brian
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