Wednesday, April 21, 2010

a cold draft

it was a cold draft
that crawled across the floor,
that night in the bar,
right up my stool
to lay grandaddy long leg eggs
that hatched, running
down my back, because...

it was a cold draft
tearing boys from momma's breasts
sent down trails, into tunnels
by flashlight searching for
trip wires, guns, food and stuff
on the orders of higher ups
way back home, so...

it was a cold draft
that sat on chipped varnished wood
growing warm, untouched
sweating circular puddles
as my mind tallied
the number of my tomorrows
after that cold draft

his cracked lips closed
listening to the scratch
of my pencil furiously
writing this draft
on the leaves of my notebook,
american flag fluttering
from its station, on the
handle of his wheel chair.

This is a Theme Thursday & Poets Rally Post.

101 comments:

tony said...

The Answe My Friend Is Blowing In The Wind........

Meeko Fabulous said...

Oh I totally got the willies with the spiders running down the back!

Eva Gallant said...

Clammy cold draft...I felt it as I read.

Julie said...

The imagery is very stark here, Brian. Stark and effective. First in a bar, then in a tunnel, then on bare boards, then standing out in the open. I like this way of illustrating 'getting the wind up your bak'.

Good stuff ...

Maggie May said...

Yes..... a chilly experience.

Nuts in May

Mighty M said...

My brain kept wanting to picture the cold draft as the smoke monster from Lost. Which, if you don't watch, you totally don't understand. :)

william said...

nothing worse mate than a draft unless its in a tall glass, draft beer, lol great post, take care :)

anthonynorth said...

This was creepily good. Excellently done.

Wordwand said...

this poem has kept me on my toes ; so well delivered .well done Brian.

Me said...

Every time I think I've read your best post, you do one even better...

Cop Mama said...

Same word, different meanings. Very creative and artistic.

Mine was going to be drafting behind my husband as he bikes ahead of me, but never quite got around to writing that one out!

starla said...

Wow That's wonderful writing.

Brian Miller said...

nice cop mama...spot on. i was trying to play with four different meaings of the word...the wind...the war (vietnam)...a beer...and writing, while telling the story of this vet i met oming to terms with being sent off to war. it may not come across but that was the intention...lol.

C.M. Jackson said...

bring em home --as always thoughtful and poignant -great work! Happy TT!

TechnoBabe said...

It sounds like the guys who came back from Viet Nam (my first husband was one).

5thsister said...

very nice...anyone else in the mood for a cold draft after reading this winner?

AmyLK said...

I love this one. So descriptive.

LadyCat said...

The grandaddy long legs gave me chills...yikes.

Jaime said...

i'm still stuck on the grandaddy long leg eggs... i never liked spiders but after trying to serve an eviction notice on a house that was literally covered in daddy long legs, i can't look at the things without screaming.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

A twisting, turning draft - rarely a light.

Wings said...

Good piece. My son would be running for the hills!

Monkey Man said...

Chilling and complete. You captured an all encompassing definition.

Pat said...

Reading your comments helped me somewhat. Then I was like, aha! four different kinds of drafts! I get it! Then it REALLY knocked my socks off! Great, great writing, Brian, as always!

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh, your intention definitely comes across. In fact, I think I know that guy with the flag on his chair.

Jingle said...

it is very skillfully written,
best poem for the week!

Ocean Girl said...

I caught the beer.

AngelMay said...

flag on wheelchair -- more patriotism, I'm afraid, than this country often deserves. Those most ill-used by it seem to love it the most. Strange thing...this country. Even though I complain, I own that patriotic gene and it will not be silent but manifests itself in goosebumps and tears more often than I would care to admit.

Very nicely done, Brian.
Except that.... Ize skeeered of spiders. ;o)

Katherine said...

A breezy little piece there Brian! I liked it.
Brian .. is this about one event or many different events?

Is my interpretation correct?
The first stanza describes your feelings about possibly some news that you've heard..leaving you with a chill up your spine.
2nd Stanza: Sounds like war .. trip wires, guns etc ...
Could it be about the story of a injured soldiers experiences of war...or am I right off the mark?

Brian you always challenge me to think outside the box & I love that! Thank You!

Tracy said...

I think you covered just about everything, Brian! Happy TT!

SandyCarlson said...

I feel that one. And the inspiration. I can see it. Beautifully done.

Cabo said...

I could use a cold draft right about now. And maybe something in a jar too.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

*speechless*

Cinner said...

I knew it was about Vietnam, and like someone else said every time I think I have read your best, you outdo yourself. Beautiful.

slommler said...

They returned from the war and were despised and spat upon. They received the cold shoulder.
Heroes ignored; sitting in wheelchairs...still so patriotic...still believing.
Your writing is astounding...!!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Dianne said...

Ilike this style of course!
You have a flair for empathy for the disabled and the shock of a life changed forever.

Brian Miller said...

SueAnn...your comment itself was poetic and true...and sad

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi Brian:)

It is amazing you found out so many meanings for cold draft and painted lovely pictures with the word.

Fortunately we don't have so many cold drafts here except the first one:) And I assure you this first cold draft is sending Kochi people bonkers:)

Have a nice day:)
Joseph

samanthayeh said...

coming back and being able to read so many of your newest, most recent works is both indescribably inspiring and exhilarating. your writing is as insightful and acute as ever, and it's always a pleasure.

thank you for sharing so much with us all and also for your kind comments on my poems as well : )

blankwall said...

Excellent!

CottageGirl said...

Gosh, Brian ... you honestly need to give a warning right before the punch lines ... You don't know how many times I get teary-eyed reading the last lines of your work!!
When you become rich and famous, I'll be proud to say I knew you!

Jingle said...

his cracked lips closed
listening to the scratch
of my pencil furiously
writing this draft
on the leaves of my notebook,
american flag fluttering
from its station, on the
handle of his wheel chair.

wow,
you got this profound piece,
your work empowered everyone to think, react, and become more aware of those army men, who are innocent at the first place, but suffered through their belief of justice...

hope that you feel proud of yourself! Have An Award Winning Wednesday Evening!

Cloudia said...

Aloha from Waikiki


Comfort Spiral

Bridgette said...

Great now I have the feeling spiders are crawling down my back! :) Just kidding. Thanks for being there for me!

Captain Dumbass said...

Amazing piece of work.

Kris said...

Spiders are underrated as pets.

Bernie said...

Amazing, no end to your talent my friend.......:-) Hugs

fiveloaf said...

great piece of work..

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Wow, Brian. This one had my emotions going up and down.

Well done, as always.

Meagan said...

I am new here and really enjoyed reading your words. They flow freely, leaving the mind to make them what ever you need them to be...

Leslie said...

oooo the chills are running down my spine

Nicely done my friend

Vodka Logic said...

love it, so many ways to describe one phrase.
xx

Goofball said...

hmm I'm still figuring this one out

sakhii•• said...

this kkeeps me thinking!!

repressedsoul said...

Thoughtful, and it gives me the shivers. Effective and tingling ;-)

Zuzana said...

Very evocative, your powerful writing always moves me...
;)
xo

Shadow said...

i feel this in my bones on this chilly autumn morning...

Jingle said...

Happy Thursday to You!
You always amaze readers with fabulous themes and fresh approaches...
What A Marvel To Read You
And Get to Know You!
;)

Jingle said...

Keep your gifts in writing coming,
I am your fan and enjoy anything or everything you have done!
Cheers!

Gillian said...

got chills.

sheri... said...

oh, brian! i loved your multi use of drafts meanings all expertly woven into one lifes journey. you paint the most vivid pictures in my mind...

JStar said...

Brian I got goose bumps from this one, feeling that draft all the way over here :)

järnebrand said...

Wow. You're good. :)

Lorraine said...

Shivers run down my back...you are an exceptional writer Brian

Daniel said...

After I read one of your blogs, I let things settle in my mind and set up my own interpretations. I then look over the comments from various folks and different angles and perspectives show up. Sometimes they are subtle, but sometimes I shake my head because their take is so much more fulfilling than mine. This was one of those posts for me. Loved the different intents in the different stanzas.

sheila said...

I'm with MightyM. *shudder*

Vicki Lane said...

Great wordplay!

California Girl said...

I had to read this a couple of times to understand and now that I do I find this very sad and powerful at the same time.


beautifully done Brian.

Jill said...

All themes included here!
Very clever Brian.

Just reading "grandaddy long leg eggs" is a word picture I care to forget VERY soon!

Harnett-Hargrove said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harnett-Hargrove said...

So very well done, Brian. -J

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Excellent use of those words expanding and exposing much in them!

Jessie said...

you took me there...

the walking man said...

Tunnel rats, the bravest of the bold.

Prayer Girl said...

Here is what I really want to know. When is your book coming out? OR - is there one out already?

Terrific stuff every time. As my daughter's sponsor would say, "It's good shit." :)

PG

buffalodick said...

Without drafts, there would be no finished work... :)

Magpie said...

Such a wonderful way you have with words..and you did connect all four meanings powerfully and sadly. Happy TT

TALON said...

"a cold draft" - perfect description, Brian. One of my sons is in the military. I've felt a cold draft myself.

ishabellemanalo said...

this leaves me with mixed feelings, but all are good feelings, you know... you take your reader on a ride with your play of words... :)

natalee said...

I was at the edge of my seat.. awesome as usual/...Your writing is AMAZING!!!!!!!

Jen said...

After all we put him through he still sports a flag on his wheelchair? That's true patriotism.

suryagni said...

beautiful portrayal, accurate portrayal of truth.

very grim and dark.

LadyFi said...

Wow... powerful and a grim reminder of what war can do.

Sarah Joyce Bryant said...

Powerful poem. I loved "...listening to the scratch of my pencil furiously writing this draft."

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I really appreciate it!

mairmusic said...

You always seem to have a surprise in your poems, a wordplay that changes perspective-- v.nice!

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/awards-from-the-blogging-universe/the-celebrate-poet-of-march-award-more/

hope that your day goes well!
Best!

Titanium said...

Your words rekindle something that time forgot. May we never forget.

Dot-Com said...

The though of spiders... yikes! I can still feel them...

dustus said...

Brilliant poem. Your command of language paints clear images of complex scenarios.

Divyanshu said...

nice work,,
amazing zob
http://blog.divyanshu.net/2010/04/thursday-poets-rally/

PattiKen said...

Wow, wow, wow! Before your time, huh? Hard to believe.

otin said...

I was thinking about the military draft when you told me what the theme was, but I did not write anything. I totally got your vibe!

Jingle said...

I am visiting some of your friends in comment section, hope that it is okay, some of them ignore, but most of them are friendly...
thanks for the comments in both of my blogs.
cool you,
;)

xxx

Pravin Nair said...

Aah what a lovely poem! Clearly, no hooks to catch attention, just pure sincerity..

I loved the lines:

it was a cold draft
tearing boys from momma's breasts
sent down trails, into tunnels

and the last stanza..

wonderful Brian, ur the real thing, I'm just a draft ;-)

Keep the beauty intact!

Alan Burnett said...

Well all I can say is thank goodness that in this country all you would get is a luke-warm draught rather than a cold draft.

Mrsupole said...

There are so many Vets around that go unnoticed everyday. It is so nice when someone writes about them. I have seen people look away when they clearly see a Vet who had been injured. I am not sure if they are embarrassed or if they just do not care. Either way it is sad and maybe with more people knowing that they are out there then things will change.

Thank you for getting the word out.

God bless.

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/23/family-friday-the-perfect-of-everything-award-has-a-winner/

I presented you as family Friday post, if you dislike it, at least forgive me, I wanted the world to know how you performed at Rally Thursday and how you truly deserve the awards you get...

you are the perfect of everything in my mind, evidence prove that...
love you!
;)

Baino said...

Late late late again but finally catching up. Nice imagery. Appropriate too, it's ANZAC weekend here where we celebrate our greatest defeat!

Marla said...

That first verse is brilliantly creepy. Love it!

mama-face said...

"granddaddy long legs...." shivers down my spine.

this is a insightful tribute to a lot of forgotten soldiers. (if I interpreted correctly. ah. I love poetry).

Jingle said...

10Q for stopping by!
bug smiles back!

JML said...

Great use of words here! Obviously the draft being the most obvious one, but the imagery is wonderful, too!