Friday, April 2, 2010

Brotin Tales: Neil

Time once again to enter the mind of Brotin. This is part 2 of the story. Before you get completely confused, go check out part 1 at Otin's. Then come right back to hear how the story ends. Go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.

running my finger along the torn edges where the pages of my journal used to reside i still wonder about brother...

honey, what are you doing?, her voice floats up through the floor.

nothing, i mumble as i slip the journal back into the cardboard box in the corner of the attic, making my way gently down the pull down stairs.

fresh cut flowers glow in the sunlight from the center of the table, the bacon and biscuits fill the air, calling our boys from their rooms.

hey dad, today is the day, jacob's enthusiasm puts a smile on my face.

what day is that?

come on dad, jacob and i will be camping on the ridge tonight, my older son's voice gets deeper every day.

when did we decide that?, my thoughts still weigh on me from my time in the attic.

we have been talking about it for weeks, you can't change your mind now, jacob whines, as his balloon deflating.

honey...my wife's hand finds mine with a gentle squeeze.

ok, just make sure you have plenty of batteries for your flashlight, and your cell phone, and did you pack...

you're the best, dad!, they rush from the table to gather their things, while i wince with reservation.

the rest of the day drags slowly, though i try to keep myself busy. my wife helps coming up with random needs to provide me an excuse to drive into town. as i pass the pull over by the path that leads into the woods, it takes every bit of will power i have not to pull over and check on the boys. i berate myself all the way home, they will be fine.

still, i do not sleep, just stare out the picture window, imagining their faces in the glow of the fire, whispering prayers into the night.

give them a call, my wife relents handing me a cup of coffee and my cell phone as the sun rises above the mountains.

my fingers can not move fast enough across the touch pad...ring...ring...ring...the line opens but i hear no one, snapping twigs or limbs in the background...

they are not here. but i think i know where they are, a heavy voice answers.

who is this? my heart jackhammers in my chest making breathing near impossible.

it's neil, and somehow, I already knew that.

55 comments:

TechnoBabe said...

Great ending. I like when you two share a story. Thanks for another fine adventure.

Mama Wheaton said...

Creepy and great writing that draws you down to the last line.

Cop Mama said...

Amazing! I did not see that coming! Chilling...

blueviolet said...

You guys really do a great job when collaborating. The two styles complement each other nicely. Otin, you started it out brilliantly and left it at the perfect spot. (I love you, baby!) And Brian, bringing Neil back into the story was a great touch. I'll even pretend I'm not mad at you for leaving questions unanswered.

lakeviewer said...

Oh you two! Tell us more...

otin said...

Brian- I like the open ending, because now I am imagining an alien abduction! LOL I closed my comments to make it easier on people.

blueviolet- have I mentioned how much that I love you?? You are the best thing to ever happen to me!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Brotin Tales rock! Thanks guys! I love your writing style!
I'm never going camping and I have another excuse not to....

:)

P.S. I read the comments before publishing mine and I also thought of an Alien abduction! Creepy!

5thsister said...

No! You can't stop there! Continue...I demand it!

Very well done!

Brian Miller said...

haha...see otin i told you it would make people mad the way i drop it...thats what your imagination is for...lol.

great opening otin...love doing this...already have next months in mind...and watch the PDA on my blog...lol.

Ocean Girl said...

The mystery deepens..

Tom said...

wow...i kinda get that neil is a good guy here...but maybe not. Creepy good! And an awesome send off by Otin, btw

i think there is more here, if you guys felt like a continuation...

Daniel said...

I need more, more, more!

Tracy said...

Wow, you two are good together! Great beginning and great ending. I was (am) on the edge of my seat!

tori said...

awesome! I like it just the way it is....fuel for all kinds of nightmares of you many readers!

ReformingGeek said...

YIKES! Scary stuff. I'm leaving a night light on tonight.

Good job, Guys!

rxBambi said...

yowza! awesome! Great job otie on the set up, and great job brian on the pick up. You guys totally rule.

Magpie said...

Oh, not fair!!! Foul I cry!! More...you can't just leave us hanging like that!! Spooky good!

Everyday Goddess said...

Fascinating!

I heart Brotin Tales!

xo
Elise

Eva Gallant said...

Oh wow! I didn't see that coming! Very good and creepy!

♥ Kathy said...

Ack! I want to hear more! Great story guys :)

Eternally Distracted said...

I love these collaborations... but they are always too short - I need a book please... you know, when you have a minute or two.

Ronda Laveen said...

A father's heavy heart as he knows he must let his boys grow and separate but, full of forebodding for what may come of that decision is well described here. Beautiful set-up and finish.

I'm thinking beyond alien abduction. Way beyond.

Thanks for all your hard work.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

SO... part 3?

Nah, I actually do like an ambiguous ending. Well done guys.

Katherine said...

Two great writes = one amazing story!
That was fantastic Otin & Brian! Looking forward to reading more of your collaborative works.

LadyFi said...

Oh my.. I was on the edge of my seat. Both of you have done a fantastic job!

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Ah... such tenderness, Otin was rather gentle this time while Brian managed to kick up the suspense.. WONDERFUL BROTIN TALE!

Have you a great Easter!

hugs
shakira

slommler said...

Ack!! What an ending...or should I say beginning!!??!! You have me at the edge of my seat. How long do I have to stay here??
Hugs
SueAnn

the walking man said...

You two had best stayed physically separated because if you both got in the same room you'd meld into a single person. Then only half the story would get told.

Me said...

That was awesome...Great ending! :)

Cool idea, the collaboration. Reminds me of an activity we used to do in school where everyone started with a provided opening line (i.e. "It was a dark and stormy night...", wrote the next couple of paragraphs and then passed it on. For the entire hour, the story you had started would be passed from one to the next, and when you got it back at the end of the class, it inevitably ended up going in the craziest of directions. Fun! :)

Barry said...

A wonderful exercise in writing and a definitely creepy ending.

I really enjoy these collaborations.

Brotin Rules!

Rich Grasso said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again... you should write a book! Then give me a signed first edition.

Yodood said...

The intrigue couldn't be left thicker with possible scenarios, the ultimate goal of good fiction. Readers remember most the tangents they're left free to glance off of authors offering of spare words. It's all in the spaces. Wonderful job, guys.

william said...

great story again friend. good that u can share and come up with this epic :)

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Another brilliant Brotin tale for sure! This could end up being a series, there's more to the story, isn't there? ;)

Yousei Hime said...

That is amazing. I confess, I didn't read the other section, but this one stands alone quite well. Although it doesn't feel finished. Really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing it.

Jingle said...

"fresh cut flowers glow in the sunlight from the center of the table, the bacon and biscuits fill the air, calling our boys from their rooms",

I just laughed at this part,
I write about bacon but barely eat it, nice to see it in your post, sending fresh and lovely smell cross the globe...

beautiful continuation of the original story (part 1).

Jingle said...

Happy Easter, Brian Miller!
Your Writing skills are diverse and rather impressive!
Have FUN doing what you do,
Glad to hear that you have next month's materials ready!

I have enjoyed the ride in your story.
;)

Dianne said...

oooh, or eew, or ow, or oh no, you did it again!

Tgoette said...

I love the suspenseful collaborations you two come up with! Great job!

CatLadyLarew said...

Once again, a deliciously creepy story! You two are awesome together!

Me-Me King said...

Wow, what a bitchin' collaboration. Do it again!

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/03/early-easter-awards-ceremony-creative-beautiful-inspirational/

how are you, friend?
I believe that you deserve the most creative poet award...here it is.
Happy Saturday!

Michele said...

I love it when the two of you do this.
That was just awesome, as always!!
I didn't see that coming at all. Creepy and brilliant.

Raven said...

Fantastic! Another great collaboration. You both work together so well.

Nessa said...

You too are so spooky. And to leave use hanging again. Not right.

Lisa said...

I, too, demand an answer. I don't want my imagination to figure it out. I want to know what your brain says happened. Darn you. Damn! A sign of a great writer...leaving us wanting more.

natalee said...

Holy I love that ending Batman!!!! AMAZING !! Please write more!!!!! happy easter!!!!!!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Awesome job guys-- But this one deserves a sequel.

More please.

Brian, I'm just back from Spring Break Vacation and catching up on my reading. I'm off to read your older posts so I don't miss anything.

Happy Easter,
jj

books,coffee,etc.... said...

Hi! Brian,
That was a great short suspenseful
"shared" story...Thanks, for sharing!
By the way, I hope that you, your family, readers, and friends have a pleasant holiday weekend.
DeeDee ;-D

gayle said...

Great story guys!! Please continue!!

Jill said...

Hey boys...I do hate to miss a Brotin Tale, so pleased to catch this one! I do not like an open end - all those unanswered questions - but, this one is my favorite thus far!!

Jill said...

Ummmmm, so what about Neil? Come on!!! Freaky!

Pat said...

Well, crap! I didn't see that coming! It's always amazing with the two of you collaborate on a story and how it twists and turns. Another great Brotin Tale! Bravo!!

Nancy said...

I want more!! Is Neil dead? What happened to the boys? Ghaaaa!

Always leave them wanting more, is that it?

only a movie said...

Just catching up here. Great job, guys! ;-)