i could blame it on the night, but that would take away from my narcissistic iniquity.
pools cast by the streetlights, capture fleeting glimpses of my form as i rush along the sidewalk, soles of my shoes skitching against the rough surface, seeking traction to propel me forward. cats screech, fighting in the shadows, reminding me of why i am here...why i am running...hoping...
silly the situations we find ourselves in due to our selfish desires and need to feel like we have some modicum of control as our world spins further and further out of control. the more you try to grasp it the slicker it becomes, spilling onto the floor, shattering into a million tiny pieces...if only superglue could hold them back together...as if i could even find all the pieces...
the moon stares condescending in the night sky, calling all the stars to join in it's condemnation, spewing antipathy on the wind. sweat drips down my cheek joining the growing stain across my shirt. dogs bark, blinds crack allowing peering eyes to gaze at my swift shadow. bolts click on doors to ward away any foul spirits that follow me...panting...praying...
stomach roiling, less at the contents than my own indiscretion, tossing the rock of my guilt from one wall to the next, unable to digest its girth. like an anchor it drags at me, begging repentance from this headlong path i have thrown myself too. it whispers like a snake flicking its tongue against my ear...no...sssstop...ssssave your ssself...
scraggy bushes entangle my legs, spilling me across the trimmed grass, each stone finding a tender spot in my knees, my back or the palms of my hands as i pin wheel, collapsing into a ball. night shrieks, dispersing in the glare of porch light coming on. the door swings open spilling cool air across by dirty face as i stare into the shadow beyond...pulse pounding...breath catching...
i am sorry...
velvet lips crush against mine, her hand searching for purchase in my hair drawing me to nestle in the warmth of her chest, listening for broken pieces of her heart. hot tears stream down our faces, each inhalation filling me with her, running my tongue across the remnants of that kiss...wanting this moment to last...forever and ever...
so you want to come in...
yes...
turning, i grab the cool brass door knob to pull it closed behind us, pausing briefly i wink at the moon, and before passion takes me completely, i imagine it smiles back, as it tries to peek in through the window....
This fictional piece is a 10DOM post.
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72 comments:
Once again, you captivate us with your descriptive phrases, pulling us into the urgency of the run. So good!
Enjoyed it tremendously. You're pretty good, maybe great, at creating moods --- emotional atmospheres, atmospheric emotions --- in which the environment itself reflects the psychology of the protagonist.
One very small, teeny tiny criticism : "It's" means "It is".
Sorry, but apostrophe man strikes again!
Regards
masterymistery at cosmic rapture
oh my. I am relating to this in so many metaphorical ways. I love that about your writing. It is so faceted...it can mean many things to different people.
Beautiful. yes. yes.
Brian ~ How did you become so deep? It amazes me. You never run out.
Whoa. I love how you describe everything. This is one of my favorites.
Incredible! LOVED the ending the best!
You can really grab the reader and pull us into your writing cause the descriptions just come alive.
Hehehe...
Your fiction is progressing nicely. Though I'm guessing this one is steeped in reality.
Very good Brian, as always
loved the phrases and descriptions........Hugs
Amazing...as always. You weave tapestries of raw emotion. Very nicely done.
Forgiveness is great and being forgiven is almost as good. Worry about if you are going to be forgiven is a hard thing to go through.
If that is what you go through when you are being forgiven, I think I would be "bad" everyday.
God bless.
Wow, that really sets a mood.
Perfection once again.
Happy weekend,
jj
Talk about your narcissistic iniquities, but then mayhap I have forgotten the dime upon which passion turns when so dependent upon requital. Ah, young love, I'm glad I'm beyond it.
OH...... its fiction!
Your writing is wonderfully descriptive and you had me going there.......
Nuts in May
I'm sure the moon winked back as it watched your every move, inside and out. Drew me in, this one did!
love is the drug...tho not what i was thinking at first;
bad boy, you write it well!
Oh my, my, my Brian! (I am fanning myself..right now .. phew!!!) You said my little poem was hot... your story my friend was caliente .. caliente..caliente!
Who's the man?? Brian's the man!
Yes the end was great... you are the master
Brian...I am deeply moved by this piece. Thank you for writing and publishing it. I am savoring every word.
Gosh i love your writing, everytime I come over, I regret not visiting more often. I have only one excuse, i don't like fiction anymore, I don't know why, but when you write someone's reality, I wouldn't miss it fr the world, now let me go read your previous piece, sounds like my kinda stuff x
such great descriptions!! i love the ending the best
My head is spinning, this was so powerful! A rollercoaster ride of emotions. You always paint such a vivid image with your words - I often wonder how they come to you and how you get inspired to write your pieces.
Perhaps it must be the same as when I gaze at the nature and feel immediately I have to capture it on film, often trying to preserve the hidden...
Have a lovely weekend,
xo
Zuzana
It felt urgent and intense....almost desperate at times. Excellent!
You had my attention at "narcissitic Iniquity" Great job.
Kat
My breath was coming faster and faster as this piece rolled on. My stomach was all aflutter and I felt flush. As you can see...you had me with this one. Marvelous!!!
Hugs
SueAnn
It sounds like guilty conscience or sorry for a part in a fight and it was the impetus that drove him on through the streets until he got to the door and inside and be forgiven. It is interesting to me how you can make the journey so exciting and capture the attention of the reader the entire way. Very good writing.
That was very different for you and oh so cool!
Sometimes forgiveness is just like that.
"You got me at "narcissistic iniquity". Beautiful writing. Probably my most favorite of yours. So far. :-)
Good one :)
your intricate weaving of words and reading through your posts have captivated me and spurned me on to work at writing my first ever 55...could you take a moment to look at it one day? your critique would mean a lot :)
As I read your post, I thought of a song by the Weepies. Thought I would share it. It is called "World Spins Madly On" Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4sa2HoXpsE
Coming here is both an artistic and intellectual joy, Brian.
You never fail to surprise me--and inform me.
I'm so glad this had a happy ending. Running through the shadows with all those scary things hiding just out of sight, I was a little worried that it wouldn't come to a good end. Good one.
Whew! I was running along and falling right with you and then ... once again ... You take me down a totally different path, so to speak! I LOVE THAT!
You are the Guy De Mappasat of the blog world!
Hot ending, BTW!!!
Glad to see that condescending old moon came to it's senses finally!
And of course I'm wondering what naughty thing you were skitching away from! Fiction yes, I know. But I'm nosey!
;)
xo
Glad to see that condescending old moon came to it's senses finally!
And of course I'm wondering what naughty thing you were skitching away from! Fiction yes, I know. But I'm nosey!
;)
xo
A good turn of phrases here...
If love and redemption were as beautiful and poetic as the words you have woven....
Phew!That is HOT!Sizzling hot!
Brian, I love reading a lot more than I write and definitely not long post but you, my friend know how to write so prolific that every word POP!
If you ever write for a movie, let me know...
hugs
shakira
You have outdone yourself on this piece, the ending is magical. Keep up the excellence, enjoy your gift on writing!
Everything happens for a good reason,
If you are born a promising writer, then you are, carry pride and have fun.
Life is the gift of nature, But beautiful living is the gift of wisdom.
Be yourself, go for your dreams!
You Are The most Creative Writer I ever Know. Your work shows here.
chilling racing chasing fear. that inexplicable fear of running from that we know not what...
Oh fabulous! I had to read it twice:)
Love the mood and feeling on this piece.
no doubt about it mate u have a very good way with words, half of them I had to look up LOL, nevertheless, superb :)
Hummmmmmmmmm...beautiful.
It's really beautifully written! I challenge you to try something sensual hehe I reckon you'd rock!! :p <3
Such imangination you have!
FICTION!?
You need to be writing for Ellora's Cave, my friend. :-)
I like the ending. Yeah baby.
Wonderfully descriptive and lovely.
This was fantastic! I really enjoyed all the different levels of it. :)
Hey, this is no fair. You ensnare us on this route, from skitching shoes (love that sound)to whispering snakes, not knowing where you are taking us and then when it starts to get good, when we are tasting that kiss, you wink and close the door and leave us outside all alone under the smiling moon. That is not fair, Brian. Brilliant but not fair.
Ooo la la, I hope it was fun! ;)
Brian,
You are changing your style up a bit and I like it!
http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/for-everything-there-is-a-reason/
I posted my Sunday 160.
Happy Saturday Evening!
An unusual ending...
You are the master of drama!
Just beautiful.
Beguiling.
Always such a joy to come and ready your marvelous writing Brian! A joy.
Very nice! I raced along with your words, and then slipped into the romance.
You grabbed me with these two words.
"narcissistic iniquity"
wonderful!
Gerardine
I enjoy reading your posts. They are filled with beautiful words and emotions. I just hope you keep coming up with something...:)
you have narcissistic iniquity, mister??
hehehehe :)
I like the words "passion" and "moon" written together in the same piece.... :)
this was very volatile
esp. i liked
"tossing the rock of my guilt from one wall to the next, unable to digest its girth"
How beautiful write, Brian! Each words captures the senses. Loved it.
http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/follow-jingle-to-make-your-blog-twinkle/
Happy Sunday, Brian Miller!
You Rock!
Very engaging. I was dying to find out why he was running, but I couldn't bring myself to skip a paragraph to find out. Also nice to have a happy ending.
Less haste, more speed! And you won't be tripsing all over the place and scuffing your knees! Good story Brian.
I agree with so many that your writing is so descriptive and magnetic!
You never miss, do you? Everything you post is wonderful - and each are different.
it was very good! captivating!
Love the description of the moon. I've never seen the condescending side so it was nice to visualize.
That is above and beyond.
Powerful descriptions and emotions. It seemed like the main character was running. Disjointed but perfect.
Well done!
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