Friday, April 9, 2010

beguiled by night

i could blame it on the night, but that would take away from my narcissistic iniquity.

pools cast by the streetlights, capture fleeting glimpses of my form as i rush along the sidewalk, soles of my shoes skitching against the rough surface, seeking traction to propel me forward. cats screech, fighting in the shadows, reminding me of why i am here...why i am running...hoping...

silly the situations we find ourselves in due to our selfish desires and need to feel like we have some modicum of control as our world spins further and further out of control. the more you try to grasp it the slicker it becomes, spilling onto the floor, shattering into a million tiny pieces...if only superglue could hold them back together...as if i could even find all the pieces...

the moon stares condescending in the night sky, calling all the stars to join in it's condemnation, spewing antipathy on the wind. sweat drips down my cheek joining the growing stain across my shirt. dogs bark, blinds crack allowing peering eyes to gaze at my swift shadow. bolts click on doors to ward away any foul spirits that follow me...panting...praying...

stomach roiling, less at the contents than my own indiscretion, tossing the rock of my guilt from one wall to the next, unable to digest its girth. like an anchor it drags at me, begging repentance from this headlong path i have thrown myself too. it whispers like a snake flicking its tongue against my ear...no...sssstop...ssssave your ssself...

scraggy bushes entangle my legs, spilling me across the trimmed grass, each stone finding a tender spot in my knees, my back or the palms of my hands as i pin wheel, collapsing into a ball. night shrieks, dispersing in the glare of porch light coming on. the door swings open spilling cool air across by dirty face as i stare into the shadow beyond...pulse pounding...breath catching...

i am sorry...

velvet lips crush against mine, her hand searching for purchase in my hair drawing me to nestle in the warmth of her chest, listening for broken pieces of her heart. hot tears stream down our faces, each inhalation filling me with her, running my tongue across the remnants of that kiss...wanting this moment to last...forever and ever...

so you want to come in...

yes...

turning, i grab the cool brass door knob to pull it closed behind us, pausing briefly i wink at the moon, and before passion takes me completely, i imagine it smiles back, as it tries to peek in through the window....

This fictional piece is a 10DOM post.

72 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Once again, you captivate us with your descriptive phrases, pulling us into the urgency of the run. So good!

masterymistery said...

Enjoyed it tremendously. You're pretty good, maybe great, at creating moods --- emotional atmospheres, atmospheric emotions --- in which the environment itself reflects the psychology of the protagonist.

One very small, teeny tiny criticism : "It's" means "It is".

Sorry, but apostrophe man strikes again!

Regards


masterymistery at cosmic rapture

mama-face said...

oh my. I am relating to this in so many metaphorical ways. I love that about your writing. It is so faceted...it can mean many things to different people.

Beautiful. yes. yes.

Marla said...

Brian ~ How did you become so deep? It amazes me. You never run out.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Whoa. I love how you describe everything. This is one of my favorites.

Felicitas said...

Incredible! LOVED the ending the best!

Maggie said...

You can really grab the reader and pull us into your writing cause the descriptions just come alive.

JeffScape said...

Hehehe...

Your fiction is progressing nicely. Though I'm guessing this one is steeped in reality.

Bernie said...

Very good Brian, as always
loved the phrases and descriptions........Hugs

Magpie said...

Amazing...as always. You weave tapestries of raw emotion. Very nicely done.

Mrsupole said...

Forgiveness is great and being forgiven is almost as good. Worry about if you are going to be forgiven is a hard thing to go through.

If that is what you go through when you are being forgiven, I think I would be "bad" everyday.

God bless.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Wow, that really sets a mood.
Perfection once again.
Happy weekend,
jj

Yodood said...

Talk about your narcissistic iniquities, but then mayhap I have forgotten the dime upon which passion turns when so dependent upon requital. Ah, young love, I'm glad I'm beyond it.

Maggie May said...

OH...... its fiction!
Your writing is wonderfully descriptive and you had me going there.......

Nuts in May

Ronda Laveen said...

I'm sure the moon winked back as it watched your every move, inside and out. Drew me in, this one did!

Tom said...

love is the drug...tho not what i was thinking at first;
bad boy, you write it well!

Katherine said...

Oh my, my, my Brian! (I am fanning myself..right now .. phew!!!) You said my little poem was hot... your story my friend was caliente .. caliente..caliente!
Who's the man?? Brian's the man!

Vodka Logic said...

Yes the end was great... you are the master

5thsister said...

Brian...I am deeply moved by this piece. Thank you for writing and publishing it. I am savoring every word.

Lorraine said...

Gosh i love your writing, everytime I come over, I regret not visiting more often. I have only one excuse, i don't like fiction anymore, I don't know why, but when you write someone's reality, I wouldn't miss it fr the world, now let me go read your previous piece, sounds like my kinda stuff x

natalee said...

such great descriptions!! i love the ending the best

Protege said...

My head is spinning, this was so powerful! A rollercoaster ride of emotions. You always paint such a vivid image with your words - I often wonder how they come to you and how you get inspired to write your pieces.
Perhaps it must be the same as when I gaze at the nature and feel immediately I have to capture it on film, often trying to preserve the hidden...
Have a lovely weekend,
xo
Zuzana

My name is PJ. said...

It felt urgent and intense....almost desperate at times. Excellent!

Kat_RN said...

You had my attention at "narcissitic Iniquity" Great job.
Kat

slommler said...

My breath was coming faster and faster as this piece rolled on. My stomach was all aflutter and I felt flush. As you can see...you had me with this one. Marvelous!!!
Hugs
SueAnn

TechnoBabe said...

It sounds like guilty conscience or sorry for a part in a fight and it was the impetus that drove him on through the streets until he got to the door and inside and be forgiven. It is interesting to me how you can make the journey so exciting and capture the attention of the reader the entire way. Very good writing.

otin said...

That was very different for you and oh so cool!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Sometimes forgiveness is just like that.

Tracy said...

"You got me at "narcissistic iniquity". Beautiful writing. Probably my most favorite of yours. So far. :-)

suryagni said...

Good one :)

much ado about nothing... said...

your intricate weaving of words and reading through your posts have captivated me and spurned me on to work at writing my first ever 55...could you take a moment to look at it one day? your critique would mean a lot :)

kkrige said...

As I read your post, I thought of a song by the Weepies. Thought I would share it. It is called "World Spins Madly On" Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4sa2HoXpsE

Barry said...

Coming here is both an artistic and intellectual joy, Brian.

You never fail to surprise me--and inform me.

PattiKen said...

I'm so glad this had a happy ending. Running through the shadows with all those scary things hiding just out of sight, I was a little worried that it wouldn't come to a good end. Good one.

CottageGirl said...

Whew! I was running along and falling right with you and then ... once again ... You take me down a totally different path, so to speak! I LOVE THAT!
You are the Guy De Mappasat of the blog world!

Hot ending, BTW!!!

Jannie Funster said...

Glad to see that condescending old moon came to it's senses finally!

And of course I'm wondering what naughty thing you were skitching away from! Fiction yes, I know. But I'm nosey!

;)

xo

Jannie Funster said...

Glad to see that condescending old moon came to it's senses finally!

And of course I'm wondering what naughty thing you were skitching away from! Fiction yes, I know. But I'm nosey!

;)

xo

buffalodick said...

A good turn of phrases here...

A Blogoddess Tale said...

If love and redemption were as beautiful and poetic as the words you have woven....

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Phew!That is HOT!Sizzling hot!
Brian, I love reading a lot more than I write and definitely not long post but you, my friend know how to write so prolific that every word POP!
If you ever write for a movie, let me know...
hugs
shakira

Jingle said...

You have outdone yourself on this piece, the ending is magical. Keep up the excellence, enjoy your gift on writing!

Jingle said...

Everything happens for a good reason,
If you are born a promising writer, then you are, carry pride and have fun.

Life is the gift of nature, But beautiful living is the gift of wisdom.

Be yourself, go for your dreams!
You Are The most Creative Writer I ever Know. Your work shows here.

Shadow said...

chilling racing chasing fear. that inexplicable fear of running from that we know not what...

ModernMom said...

Oh fabulous! I had to read it twice:)

Daniel said...

Love the mood and feeling on this piece.

william said...

no doubt about it mate u have a very good way with words, half of them I had to look up LOL, nevertheless, superb :)

Suzanne said...

Hummmmmmmmmm...beautiful.

doubtfulpoet said...

It's really beautifully written! I challenge you to try something sensual hehe I reckon you'd rock!! :p <3

Six Feet Under Blog said...

Such imangination you have!

Fragrant Liar said...

FICTION!?

You need to be writing for Ellora's Cave, my friend. :-)

Matty said...

I like the ending. Yeah baby.

Lynn said...

Wonderfully descriptive and lovely.

laurenmichelleotheim said...

This was fantastic! I really enjoyed all the different levels of it. :)

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Hey, this is no fair. You ensnare us on this route, from skitching shoes (love that sound)to whispering snakes, not knowing where you are taking us and then when it starts to get good, when we are tasting that kiss, you wink and close the door and leave us outside all alone under the smiling moon. That is not fair, Brian. Brilliant but not fair.

blueviolet said...

Ooo la la, I hope it was fun! ;)

She Writes said...

Brian,

You are changing your style up a bit and I like it!

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/for-everything-there-is-a-reason/

I posted my Sunday 160.
Happy Saturday Evening!

LadyFi said...

An unusual ending...

You are the master of drama!

Life with Kaishon said...

Just beautiful.
Beguiling.
Always such a joy to come and ready your marvelous writing Brian! A joy.

Gerardine Baugh said...

Very nice! I raced along with your words, and then slipped into the romance.
You grabbed me with these two words.
"narcissistic iniquity"
wonderful!
Gerardine

Mr. Stupid said...

I enjoy reading your posts. They are filled with beautiful words and emotions. I just hope you keep coming up with something...:)

C said...

you have narcissistic iniquity, mister??

hehehehe :)

I like the words "passion" and "moon" written together in the same piece.... :)

lettuce said...

this was very volatile

esp. i liked
"tossing the rock of my guilt from one wall to the next, unable to digest its girth"

Tamarind~ said...

How beautiful write, Brian! Each words captures the senses. Loved it.

Ji said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/11/follow-jingle-to-make-your-blog-twinkle/

Happy Sunday, Brian Miller!
You Rock!

Empath said...

Very engaging. I was dying to find out why he was running, but I couldn't bring myself to skip a paragraph to find out. Also nice to have a happy ending.

Baino said...

Less haste, more speed! And you won't be tripsing all over the place and scuffing your knees! Good story Brian.

Mighty M said...

I agree with so many that your writing is so descriptive and magnetic!

Tracie said...

You never miss, do you? Everything you post is wonderful - and each are different.

Moon Dai said...

it was very good! captivating!

Unknown Mami said...

Love the description of the moon. I've never seen the condescending side so it was nice to visualize.

aspiemom said...

That is above and beyond.

Powerful descriptions and emotions. It seemed like the main character was running. Disjointed but perfect.

Well done!