Saturday, March 20, 2010

waves

sand sucks
between my toes
with each caress
i want to let go
and let you take me
out to sea...

waves
they thrash
against me
waves
what do they
hold against me

breath sucks
between my teeth
a taste of you
rushes into me
salty sweet and
i want to let go...

waves
they threaten
to crush me
waves
give chase
and over take me


i just want
to drown in you...
waves.

wrote this for a friend last week. actually i did not really like it after i wrote it...just feels kinda like an emo country song to me. i am too tired to write anything this morning. great night though. talks went really well. traveling back to VA around lunch...going to play a little catch up on your posts while i wait for a friend.

so i raise my coffee to you and hope you have a great saturday.

76 comments:

Katherine said...

Well I like it even if you don't!! My Saturday is a half an hour from being over...its 11:30pm in Oz... am off to bed now! Have a great day!

Alix said...

What's not to like? I love it. Being a beach girl and knowing the temperament of waves, this seems very appropriate and so heady and luxuriant.

Love it.

Daniel said...

Your words still evoke a feeling that is genuine. Have a great weekend. Glad your talks went well.

Cop Mama said...

Awesome! So many meanings or hidden meanings...emotional country song didn't even cross my mind.

Very eloquent!

Susan said...

It is funny how the things we don't like often speak the loudest to our readers. I love this piece. I am glad the talks went well! Have a safe trip back to Virginia. :)

Mighty M said...

I am glad your talk went well! Get some rest...


And I loved the poem!!

CatLadyLarew said...

Emo or not, I like it!

Prayer Girl said...

Well - - - sand, sex, a siren song....those are the things this poem spoke to me.

I liked it.

Get rested.
PG

suryagni said...

this is simply fabulous. loved it. i felt like standing on a seashore and feeling the waves.

Vodka Logic said...

I like the metaphor that I see in it........ and I love the beach

Nessa said...

I really like the first and third refrains. Have a great trip.

1st Day of Spring!

Jingle said...

beautifully written,
be confident,
enjoyed the coffee you share!

Jingle said...

Have A Good Rest!
Leave the world to others,
no protest!

take care.
thank you for the hello in the morning!

TechnoBabe said...

I grew up in southern CA and I felt like that at the beach. You are always your own harshest critic. This writing is really very good.

Pat said...

Well, I liked the beginning of it - toes in the sand, waves....nice. But when the waves start hitting you and you want to drown? Not so much. Sorry....I'm afraid of water! I love the ocean but I only go in up to my knees or a little above them. I've been afraid of Tsunami's before they were even popular! ha-ha. But your poem is great if I don't read it at a personal level!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Brought back a memory......when I lived on Jekyll Island and stood on the beach as a hurricane was approaching........ the waves were vicious!

Dianne said...

I love emo lyrics, just not country songs. Don't knock it, it is intimate and confessional and complimentary to the muse.

Magpie said...

It does seem country-music sad. But I liked it.
Hope you have a wonderful and restful Saturday!

Tracy said...

I like it, and I love the ocean and the beach! Take care and enjoy your day.

Matty said...

Ocean waves, wind waves, waves of emotion, waves of progress....so many.

Shrinky said...

You couldn't turn out a bad post if you tried, whatever you turn your hand to is usually way beyone what most of us could hope to acomplish! I enjoyed the feel of the elements, the power of the ocean you conveyed. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

hope said...

Well, that perfectly describes my childhood love/hate relationship with the Ocean. I loved the gentle rhythm of waves lifting me in the air...until a big one smacked me to the sandy bottom. :)

Good weekend to you too!

Madame DeFarge said...

I like it too. Reminds me of watching waves at Whitby in the Northeast of England. Love to watch waves crashing on a shore.

Kulio said...

I bet a few years back you would have loved this, but writing everyday, you're getting better and able to see what is you and what is not.

I liked it tho.

Lisa said...

poetry is in the soul of the reader. isn't funny when we write something that we love and we don't get the reaction we hoped or wanted, but when we write something less personal or worthy, and an outpouring of praise comes??? never ceases to amaze me.

I did like this one...maybe I have summer and beach on the brain. :)

ds said...

Okay, maybe a little emo-ish, but still good. Enjoy your coffee and Saturday, too!

Protege said...

I have missed a week of your life, so I am bit out of the loop, so to speak;) But I love the poem. Kinda of hit the spot for me.;)
I am back and I hope all is well with you.
Wishing you a great first spring day.;)
xo
Zuzana

Jill said...

NOT a country fan but like this.

Enjoy your weekend.

Anya said...

I love it sand between my toes ;)
Very well written :)))))

Have a HAPPY weekend
(@^.^@)

Tom said...

work work work. tuff way to spend a weekend.
Enjoy, if you can.

Eva Gallant said...

I could totally feel the sand and the pull of the waves!

Teri said...

Brian--When I first read this I thought that you were writing a love poem to your wife. Then you said that you wrote it for a friend. Hmmm...maybe it was just about the waves and NOT a love poem? I tend to read things a certain way, thinking that they are metaphors. I absolutely love it. I love the rhythm of it. I was thinking this morning that you need to put them in book form and sell them. Everyone would buy them, I'm sure. You really have a way with words, WaystationOne!

Liza said...

and i raise my extra-large double-double to you as well Brian!
Cheers to the vernal equinox.

I love that you post pieces that you are iffy on. Take a chance, what the hell!
Great stuff btw.

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/20/the-perfect-poet-award-for-week-10-poets-rally/

another perfect post award,
you may put two together at one post and
nominate one for week 11...
thank you.

Rob said...

emo country -- perhaps a new genre, but a good write...
...rob
Image & Verse

Maggie said...

I'm glad you had a great night! Busy Saturday for me as well. I really enjoy all of your writings. They are all wonderful Brian.

Dot-Com said...

Thought it was great! I find waves kinda scary though, but that's probably just my dislike for water in general :)

Goofball said...

I liked the second set...the waves, what do they hold against me. I often wonder when I do a beach dive and must pass them to enter the sea with all equipment and then struggle out again.

Bridgette said...

I thought it was awesome (like always!) I wish I could write like that.

Six Feet Under Blog said...

I hate to say it, but it could almost be a sexy poem. lol. Am I a dork?

Shas said...

Awesome...could feel each of the words.

Nancy said...

Same to you! (coffee cups clinking)

tony said...

Never Let Go! Have A Great Weekend Brian.

Felicitas said...

This is a lovely piece, Brian. The lilt of it is almost hypnotic - just like waves.

Betsy said...

Don't you just love that blunt honesty of your friend! LOL~

Glad the talks went well...but I'm not surprised! ;)

rxBambi said...

I like it too!

Mama Zen said...

I love it!

Corrie Howe said...

Are you enjoying the weather? Hope you enjoy time with your friend. I'm outside with kids at the park. It's beautiful. I think I've hubs set up my deck and start working outside until the bugs come.

Bridgette said...

Yep, 3 tats. I got them back in my wild days. Maybe someday soon I will write about that.

william said...

coming here is like an education, an education on fine writing, this was very well presented and written..

Jannie Funster said...

Get OUT of town!!! You are not happy with that?? WHAT!?!? Jeez, it had me hook line and sinker, I was almost blushing. You can tell where my mind went. :)

And now on a Saturday NIGHT -- I lift my beer glass to you. I did very much enjoy my coffee this a.m. even if I did spill the entire second cup into the dish washer full of clean dishes. That's just how it goes sometimes. :)

SO glad to have found your wonderful blog!!

xo (I xo most everybody, so get used to it -- sorry.) :)

gayle said...

I like it!! Felt like I was at the beach!!

Wings said...

Not all that bad sir, you are too critical! And hope you had a great Saturday, as well.

Bernie said...

I like this very much....and I can almost feel myself standing on the beach wading into the ocean...Hugs

The Retired One said...

Wow, Brian..for a "throw away" piece that you didn't like...I'd say you were wrong. ha
I like it too!

secret agent woman said...

Emo country song? Not to me. But it does capture how compelling that feeling of getting pulled in (Physically or emotionally) can be.

Larry said...

ah yes nothin like the old cornfields to roll around in ummmm but we won't go any further with that one . Glad you love zephyrs Revenge it's fun and I don't want to quit I like keeping people in suspense ... I just finished creating this page why don't you look at it tell me what you think.
Thanks Peggy foe visiting and being so reliable on the return visits. heres the addy for all of zephyr's flash 55's,


great job on the three word wednesday and thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment on "This Blog Of Mine" I appreciate your efforts for stopping and leaving them.
larry


Zephyrs Revenge

Jingle said...

happy Saturday evening!

THE BEATY said...

Yeah like I said us poets (and comic artists I'm not pikey) and our obsession with waves and water meits further study

Ms.Daisy said...

I have stood in the sand at the edge of the sea and I could feel myself in your poem! I liked it.

Ronda Laveen said...

"breath sucks between my teeth." Love this line.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Even the ones you don't like are terrific!
Hope you can get some rest Sunday.
Cheers,
jj

LadyFi said...

I like it too... seems to talk to me on the physical and spiritual level.

CottageGirl said...

I loved it, Brian ... Never once thought country song!
Hope things go well for you!

evalinn said...

I liked it!

Kim A. said...

I like this and it didn't sound country or emo to me. My soul always is wanting to hear the waves and feel the sand so maybe I'm not objective on this one. :-D

♥namaste♥

Shadow said...

i like emo, i like this!

Mr. Stupid said...

I liked this. Nice work Brian. Emo? In that case, I like Emo... lol

Have a good day!:)

Jingle said...

Good morning,
have fun today!
;)

Ariel said...

A lovely poem. I love the sea and the sand and your description of the play of the waves is so right.

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Hope you are feeling better and be safe.
We shall wait for you .... not going anywhere are we?

My SUPERHERO SUNDAY my Sunday 160 and Microfiction Monday for your perusal
and
SUNDAY STEALING!

Have a BLESSED SUNDAY and a FRUITFUL WEEK AHEAD!

hugs
shakira

jake (to the) holla said...

makes me wanna do a u-turn and head back to the 757 and go to the beaaaach... i dug the post, either way!

Marla said...

How can you not like this? It is wonderful!!

Ocean Girl said...

Mysteries of waves unfold. I love every bit of it.

ineloquently said...

You don't like it? I think it's very cool. Great imagery.

Mmm said...

Well I liked it too!!

"an emo country song"--there are such things?! LOL.