Thursday, March 4, 2010

55 - dust to dust

thick,
his shadow
stretches beneath
boughs of the old oak
tree, before a fading sun,
fingertips tracing
rough-hewn initials
worn smooth with
time, stirring
dust from
their depths.

tiny,
her fingers
untangle his, lending
strength; yellow dress caught
in the breeze, turning to
butterflies wisping
into night, leaving
him to walk alone,
dusty roads
home.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

122 comments:

Cop Mama said...

So moving. I feel his pain through your poignant use of words.

So descriptive, I can see this scene unfolding.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

How true. Sometimes our special memories cannot be shared with or appreciated by the next generation. Not sure if that's where you were going with this piece, but that's where I took it.

Kulio said...

when you can make me feel sad for imaginary people, you've done it.

Sherry said...

I felt that he was fine with walking home alone - he was in a pensive mood and the female touched him with some magic!

Mama Wheaton said...

Perhaps that is the home for memories, just outside ourselves and to the left of where we are

Lisa said...

I do not fancy myself a romantic, but I have always thought carving lovers' initials in some secreted place seemed almost magical and indelible.

simple words to create such depth of imagery and emotion.

darsden said...

very lovely

California Girl said...

I like them both but I especially like "Fog".

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

sunset is beautiful,
people walking home with the sun setting has magical appealing to life observers, I can picture the painting beneath your words.

treasury writing!

Brian Miller said...

for me this one is about letting and the difficulties at times...remembering old loves that have passed on into the ether....

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

Will come back tomorrow.
Kids have No school Friday, Happy Thursday Evening 2 u.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Powerful! My first official boy friend passed away last year. He was trying to contact my best friend before he died. I really want to know why he was trying to contact her.

Beautiful post, Brian.

G-Man said...

I have a few carved initials still growing myself Brian.
Excellent 55 My Friend
Always a quality contribution from you...Thanks.
Please have a Kick Ass Week-End!
Galen

william said...

hi brian, loved this, cool poem, old loves eh..lol, hope u have a nice restful evening friend :)

Mighty M said...

Lovely.

SandyCarlson said...

I think of her as a memory from their youth. Sorrow is palpable here.

CottageGirl said...

You are such a romantic, Brian! Nothing quite as touching as long ago initials carved in a tree and unrequited love.

Peter Stone said...

That's so heart breaking, Brian. Dealing with such loss is no small issue. Loved the line about the dress turning into butterflies.

My 55 is The Schedule

Kim A. said...

I dream about a tree just like that. Old, gnarly, and older than time. Awesome 55, Bri!

namaste

Buzzard said...

Great writing, but that's exactly why you never!! EVER, have her name tattooed on your body..

Sorry just venting!!

Kidding of course.

A 2fer week: Shirt Tales

Six Feet Under Blog said...

Great as usual!

otin said...

That was sad in a way. The guy had nothing but memories.

Very good!

Tracy said...

Very nice, Brian. {{hugs}}

Maggie said...

It's always very sorrowful to experience any type of loss. Amazing 55 words Brian.

Donnetta Lee said...

So easily visualized. I see the yellow dress and the butterflies. Memories. Touching them and also letting them be free. Nice! D

jaymiethorne said...

wonderful.

The Retired One said...

Ah...she is almost the ghost of what could have been.....

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/04/forever-friends-award-and-poetry-award/

u r growing fast!
enjoy a graceful evening!

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

old love is bitter but somewhat sweet...I am surprised that as a man, u r very emotional...

slommler said...

So sad!! I could feel his loneliness and he reaches for shadows. Well done Brian
Hugs
SueAnn

Grand Pooba said...

Great 55! I couldn't never do that like you do.

Susan said...

Sad 55 but very well written.
I’m up right HERE

Prayer Girl said...

This was a beautiful 55. I read your comment further down the list of comments and it reminded me of one of my favorite sayings:

What is, is!
What was, was!
What ain't, ain't!

PG

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

A little sad but so romantic.

I , not we, would just use stickers! lol

Mine is SEI POK-KAI

hugs
shakira

Matty said...

Love that once was. And moving on.

Cloudia said...

powerful...





Aloha, my Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Tamarind~ said...

No words, dude.. really! You always creat magic with few words and it keeps on haunting.. every little things!

Ronda Laveen said...

I could feel her Light, her butterfly energy flitting around and away. Here and gone. Gone and here.

Alice Audrey said...

Beautifully drawn, a summer sadness.

BenjiMester said...

Very cool. I love the different themes you have going on here. Very nostalgic and pensive. My favorite description is "butterflies wisping into night."

Barb said...

Beautiful, Brian.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Very touching.

Felicitas said...

Wow! Awesome 55 Brian! I love the nostalgia of it.

Monkey Man said...

Out of the park. My 55 will be here after Midnight Pacific time.

jinksy said...

Like the way your mind works - colours, textures feelings woven together...

Bernie said...

This really suits my emotions tonight.....you are so good at moving our hearts my friend...Hugs

Akannie said...

That's beautiful, Brian....

She Writes said...

Brian, I remember when there were only a few folks to scroll through and leave my comment. Look at you now! I can barely get to the bottom.

I wanted more to happen here, but 55 left no room for that :).

järnebrand said...

Very nice. Memories can be powerful, especially the ones of the loves that got away...
And I love old oak trees, too. :)

Vodka Logic said...

As usual, you write so visually.. lessons perhaps. :)

Protege said...

It is romantic but also serious.
I could never do so much with so little.;)
Have a lovely Friday Brian (maybe with a good pint?;)
xo
Zuzana

Thom said...

How you do this week in and week out is just amazing to me. It's like we are really there. Just fantastic. Have a wonderful Friday :)

anthonynorth said...

So full of emotion. Excellently done as always.

suryagni said...

simply awesome.

I have a small award for you, please collect it from my blog: http://mydomainpvt.wordpress.com/best-blog-award/ and make me very, very happy.
With warmest wishes,

jabblog said...

The sadness of aloneness after sharing love - beautiful.

Nessa said...

The burst of yellow is so unexpected and a bit shocking.

Flash 55 - Earthquake

One Single Impression - Running

Valerie said...

Loved the second one, Brian, it was so meaningful. I am even more convinced that men are more emotional than women.

Lisa said...

I just reread this post and the comments and it hit me...on my newest post on Jaded Heart, my poem was about "a haunting memory". This was the first blog I read yesterday and speny quite a bit catching up on others. I did not intentionally set out to write about memories, but I did.

I think maybe because I am actively single and have been for years, that memory is all I have when it comes to romantic love. Some people may think it is bitter, and it is, but I find pieces of joy in the memory as well.

Again, great job.

Just Be Real said...

Precious Brian.
Butterflies wisping..... how cool is that.
Thank you for this. Blessings.

JStar said...

Ok, I had to read this one like 5 times Brian...I am in awe of your skillz! Mine is posted...

http://msjstar1275.blogspot.com/

the walking man said...

Can't hang from a tree long enough to cast a shadow there is too much water around to walk dusty roads.

mo.stoneskin said...

Tiny fingers! Cute.

Daniel said...

Wow. Simple and complex at the same moment. Touching and stirring. Sweet and sad.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Ah love.

Skye said...

What can I say that hasn't already been said? Not much, so I'll stick with "Wow!"

ladyfi said...

So poignant!

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello Brian:)

It is amazing that you not only have selected words so carefully to create maximum impact but you have arranged them so creatively to reflect the emotion of the readers. The rise and fall of emotion, wave like undulating, the ebb and flow of feelings. All in just 55 words. I must say it is a great feat and my congratulations to you for the lovely presentation.

Have a wonderful day Brian:)
Joseph

TechnoBabe said...

One of the good things about this 55 is that it is open to interpretation so each of us can experience it in our own way. The initials in a tree is a memory for each of us with bitter-sweet memories. Thanks for the walk down memory lane, my friend.

Jessie said...

sad, warm, beautiful...

warm smiles,

Yvonne said...

Dusty roads home...and that old oak tree? Were you here? Back at the pond?

Nicely rendered!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Wow...this is amazing, you seem to have the muse that inspires, divines and finds the most eloquent manner of speaking your truth. Thank you

Susan said...

Beautiful, thoughtful, so descriptive, and well written. The image leapt from the page.

clean and crazy said...

this was very nice, you have such a gift to paint a picture with only 55 words.

Akelamalu said...

Memories carved in a tree - how poignant. I like it Brian.

Tripat "Prerna" said...

lovely feelings...i admire them :)

http://liberalflorence.blogspot.com/
http://sparkledaroma.blogspot.com/

Kay said...

and so it goes, the little things we hold tight...a secret destination of which to take ourselves back. Was it happy memories walking home? I like to think so.

PattiKen said...

I see him saying goodbye, perhaps a long time coming. You've done this so beautifully.

Mama Zen said...

This is really poignant.

Captain Dumbass said...

I could see that one.

buffalodick said...

Even after we share them, sometimes our thoughts remain our own..

Alix said...

Sigh.

So dreamy.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I will never figure out how you are able to write such amazing stuff in just 55 words. I'd love to see what landed "on the cutting room floor?

Have a great weekend,
jj

lakeviewer said...

It doesn't matter what you write, 55 or not; we love it!

LadyCat said...

I like the yellow dress...butterfly image. Very nice.

Titanium said...

The Memory of Trees...

They hold our secrets long after moments escape us.

Realliveman said...

Dude, you're a pro at this!

Quilldancer said...

Alone with his memories and the initials on a tree. I am left to wonder what caused this love to be only a memory -- and I am as sad as the man. Well done.

Lulda Casadaga said...

beautiful as always...love your
55's! :)

Jannie Funster said...

Apologies, if this is reapeated, I am on just on my laptopfor teh first time and I got a bit of a strange message.

So here it goes again!

That is incredibly beautiful, tears in my eyes here.

He will be with her again.

The Girl From Cherry Blossom Street said...

If trees could talk...

The Girl From Cherry Blossom Street said...

I just saw your comment on my post.
You crack me up!!! (did you really???)

blueviolet said...

At first I thought she broke up with him. I didn't realize it was a memory of a loved one.

Anya said...

Again wonderful words :-)
Happy 55 !!!!

Have a wonderful weekend !!

Susan said...

Brian, my dad has Alzheimer's. I guess you could call it a mental illness as well as a weird family thing. :)

Susan at Stony River said...

How beautiful! When we someone walking alone, who knows what company they've got, in truth. I loved this.

doubtfulpoet said...

So beautiful, and yet haunting. I get this 100%

Doraz said...

of depth and knowledge! :) Have a great weekend!

artiste7 said...

Congratulations! You have just been nominated for an award!

http://artiste7.wordpress.com/2010/03/05/promising-poet-award/

KB said...

We appear to have a similar theme this week. Very well written.

Magpie said...

Magical words to send us into the weekend. Thank you, Brian.

Deb said...

As I get older, I find some of my memories fading BUT others are clear as a bell - and initials carved into a tree, first kiss and other firsts are very clear ~ thank goodness!

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

cool art from true artist!
Happy Friday Evening!

william said...

stayed up late to read your post mate lol, nothing today, will catch up tomorrow and thanks Brian for your kind words.I presented an award to Jingle from all of us, please pop over when u have time, Jingle deserves a little thanks :)

enjoy your weekend friend :)

ModernMom said...

I continue to be amazed at the picture you can paint in just 55 words!

Mona said...

going to the past might lead us to lose what we have in the present...

Akannie said...

Hey again...couldn't remember if I commented or not...lol

Mine's up now too!

justthinkingloud said...

Got an award for you :)

Eternally Distracted said...

Your 55's are getting better and better... just look at all your comments for starters! Well done. Great stuff.

lettuce said...

wistful

colleenincairns said...

Delightfully moving words and imagery. The depth of emotion is palpable.

Ocean Girl said...

It is a serious problem if one is late to your party. One has to walk down, way down the comments lane.

But he does not know it yet, she'll come after him and they'll live happily ever after.

My name is PJ. said...

Brian, I sincerely hope that you will save these 55 works of yours and go to Shutterfly.com or one of the books making sites to have them bound into a book.

You're very talented and I'm sure your daughter would love to own them some day!!

sheila said...

Beautiful! Reminds me of sometimes when I have memories so vivid of people that have passed that I feel like we are sharing a moment together.

KimJohnson said...

Beautiful!

Enchanted Oak said...

"leaving him to walk alone, dusty roads home" is a wonderful line.

Life with Kaishon said...

beautiful.

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Me got tributes and awards for you!

Come over UNEXPECTED GIFTS FROM FRIENDS!

hugs
shakira

narasnook said...

Your writing is always so visual and emotionally touching. I love your style. Great 55.

schererart said...

Sometimes we all need time alone to think. Lump-in-the-throat 55. Nice writing.

jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/06/jingles-happy-moments-cross-culture-poetry-award/

how many eyes do you have?
I was surprised that you know I have changed my layout three times,
interesting discovery!
thank you for stopping by and letting Gman know I played Sunday-160...
enjoy a wholesome evening.

Who Is Afraid of Tim Burton? Two?... said...

Hi! Brian,
Beautiful, thought-provoking words...as usual.
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Michele Spector said...

Brilliantly written with your usual finesse. Loved the imagery and the strong emotions evoked.