Thursday, March 18, 2010

55 - the burden of guilt

why do you ask?

well...

who told you?
obviously someone
told you.

yes they did.

they never
should have...

its for
your own good.

nothing good
will come of this.

it will
if you let it,
katherine.

excuse me...

it will...

no, what did
you call me?

katherine..

sorry, you
have the wrong
number...

(click)

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

Decided to try my hand at something a bit different today and let the burden of the scene rest on the dialogue. Was inspired by on of the writers at Magpie Tales, who let the burden of the story rest on just describing the surroundings.

I am traveling and speaking all day Friday up until midnight, so I will catch up with you on the weekend. Have a great Friday!

119 comments:

Matty said...

Ohhh, a secret about to unfold, but she sees her escape and hangs up.

Ronda Laveen said...

Tricky! Great 55, Houdini.

Nessa said...

well this was great. love the misunderstanding, although something must have been there.

T 13 - Magical Creatures

Captain Dumbass said...

Funny and it leaves you hanging, nice.

Jingle said...

cool 55,
best wishes for tomorrow's talk,
take care and have fun!

CottageGirl said...

Ha!!!
Reminds me of a time I called about a student and left a message ... on the wrong number!
Fortunately I didn't give the child's last name nor any info other than a request for a conference! ... AND later found out I knew the person that I left the message with!
Great writing, Brian!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Got me again, Mr. Magician.

Cop Mama said...

Oh so elusive, our imaginations can only fill in the gaps.

Connie T. said...

Oops, good one.

secret agent woman said...

Oops.

SandyCarlson said...

I wonder what this woman did! I guess it goes to show we've all got something to hide!

Katherine said...

Well I must say it is a nice name!!!
Have a great day Brian!
Watch out.. be careful of the old Freudian slips...they can get you into trouble, especially if there is no phone to divide you!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Great 55! Hope you have a happy Friday and weekend.

Cabo said...

I dig that, man. That's screaming out loud in 55 typed words. Serendipity hanging by a dial tone.

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Ha ha ha... You ROCK!
Wonderful 55!
I should have thought of THAT! ha ha ha...

hugs
shakira

lakeviewer said...

Hey, this has happened to me quite a few times.

G-Man said...

Thats why every phone call should start with.."Did I catch you at a bad time?" hehehehehe
Excellent 55 Brian.
Loved your change in style You Rock Brotha!
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

william said...

very good brian, much suspense I would say u cracked this, superb :)

Mama Zen said...

Very cool!

5thsister said...

clever, very clever!

rxBambi said...

I love it. You have the wrong number. Awesome 55!

She Writes said...

I have made the wrong phone call... UGH! Not a good feeling, though well written!

Tracie said...

Ha! My mom called me (angry) asking why I was leaving "filthy" messages on her answering machine. Turns out it was a wrong number. They person left a mean message with a couple of curse words thrown in. I really don't know why she assumed it was me.

Buzzard said...

This was great. I use to dial the same wrong number quite often as it was one digit off from my home phone number. The person on the other end had a classic sense of humor and would play along. We became good phone friends. I can't tell you how many witty quips this lady would come back with. LOL

My 55 is here: My Invisibility

Gerardine Baugh said...

Everyone has a secret, Great poem!
Gerardine

Mighty M said...

Not sure if I have gone that far before, but once I tried to get into "my" car that belonged to someone else and the gal was sitting in the drivers seat. I'm sure I scared her to death before I realized it wasn't my car!!

Hope all goes well this weekend!! :)

Rhapsody B. said...

Namaste.....
Interesting entry. Just stopped by from Joseph's place.

Stay blessed and enjoy the rest of the week.

Peter Stone said...

Good one Brian, you had me all caught up in the scene, waiting to hear what they had been told, only to find its a wrong number? Arrgh

My 55 is Everything I Lack

The Retired One said...

A woman's worst nightmare...being called another woman's name by her lover.....
good one, Brian....

Alice Audrey said...

Great sneaky ending.

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

My humble 55 for your perusal.....

FACEBOOK

Tracy said...

Love it, Brian!Have a good weekend!

Yousei Hime said...

Great twist at the end. I thought, "Oh no!" Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks for visiting and commenting over at the poetic rabbit's casa. Sorry about that cryptic poem the other day. I don't mind writing things with open interpretations, or even poems that require a bit of thought, but I never set out to write something confusing. The poem should have stood alone, without the photo. It needs some polishing.

Thanks for not giving up on me. Glad you like today's blackbird haiku.

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/55-how-do-you-relax-during-weekends/

mine is up,
kind of dry,
Happy Thursday evening!

Susan said...

I love the twist in this.
I’m up right HERE

Monkey Man said...

Excellent. I have been on both ends of that call. My 55 is HERE.

Marla said...

Love it, Brian.

MomsJournal said...

hehehe well she's not alone in what she's done whatever it is. Great 55. ;-)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, funny! Years ago our number was one digit off the number of the bakery at Kroger ....... I must confess that I took a couple of cake orders from time to time when I was annoyed.

Chhaya said...

Wrong number but a perfect brew :)

TechnoBabe said...

You really pulled one on us today with this 55. Kind of a heavy conversation to have with a wrong number person.

Adoption of Jane said...

I wanna know what she did! Hahaha!

Felicitas said...

Different works for you, Brian! But you are so talented that EVERYTHING seems to work equally well!

Have a wonderful weekend.

Cloudia said...

Masterful...
remember that fifties song "silhouettes on the shade"?



Aloha from Hawaii my Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Kulio said...

Ah...SAVED!!

steviewren said...

You had me going. Now I want to know what shouldn't have been told.

jaymiethorne said...

Ah, a wrong number or not giving you my number. Fun!

VE said...

Katherine the Great? You must be older than I thought. ;)

Eva Gallant said...

Another great 55!

quilly said...

Talk about a recipe for paranoia! This would be a great beginning to a murder mystery!

Dianne said...

nice job you trickster! mine is up but not so fun.
HERE

Ribbon said...

brillaint !

♥ Braja said...

Damned telephone salesmen....

Bernie said...

Oh I loved this Brian, in fact I may say something like this to my next unknown caller......:-) Hugs

järnebrand said...

Oups... Great 55. I guess everyone is hiding something...
My 55 is up.
/Jo.

Ocean Girl said...

Have a great Friday Brian. You'll be speaking! I can't help wondering if your language will be like you write:)

Great and cute 55:)

LadyFi said...

I love this... It left me wondering as to whether it really was a wrong number, or did she just hang up and pretend it was a wrong number?

anthonynorth said...

Enjoyed that. Great ending.

the walking man said...

Oh the interesting conversations a talker can have with a wrong number...the dialogue worked very well Brian.

Alan Burnett said...

Your experiment works well.

Alix said...

Oh that Katherine.

Awesome awesome post, Brian. Your poetry (and comments) are legendary.

Love you, man.

Mona said...

Some secrets are so 'common' :D

I guess it is dialog all the way in 55ves today :D

jabblog said...

Very good! Oh the things we let slip unknowingly . . .

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Mistaken identity its a scary thing.. -J

Kat_RN said...

Now that is silly.
Kat

sheila said...

lol. We used to have a # that was one digit off from the blood/plasma bank. We used to get some reallly weird calls. And uh...'foam' henge? Too bad we missed THAT one, lol.

Valerie said...

Wonderful twist, Brian. I liked this.

Chef Kar said...

Nice shift in 55 Brian!

I'm up after a few weeks off:
Friday flash 55 ~ Pride

Thom said...

Wrong number...One Ringy Dingy...LOL Excellent Brian. Have a great weekend :)

Hootin' Anni said...

Whoa....this is a different style of yours shining through this week...I like it!!!

Here's mine Take Pleasure - 101

Have a super terrific weekend.

Maha said...

That was very intriguing. A new way indeed to present stories.
Mine is up!

Barbara said...

That actually made me laugh.

tony said...

Happy trails Brian.A Good 55 Sir!

Matthew said...

I liked your 'bit different'. It worked really well and I think you've done a great job in 55 words.

Daniel said...

This was a cool take. We all have something we are guilty of doing. Great post Katherine .... err ... Brian.

Sherry said...

Maybe next week your 55 could tell us what her secret is...have a great weekend!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

happy trails and safe travels!

Yvonne said...

It works. And mysteriously leaves us hanging as a flash is wont to do.

Reminds me of the email I got this morning from someone asking if I was their long lost friend Yvonne from New Hampshire.

Have a good weekend.

Amy said...

I appreciate your PO very much the picture with the article. Continues to refuel!!

Enchanted Oak said...

Ha!
Hope your speaking engagement was a resounding success.
My 55 is Here

Grand Pooba said...

Nice out Katherine!

Travel safely! You'll do wonderfully!

buffalodick said...

Good twist!

JStar said...

LOL Opps

Little Ms Blogger said...

I really liked this. 55 words and you wrote an entire chapter/story with a moral at the end.

I've learned over the years not to say something unless you can say it to that person's face. Keeps you out of this situation.

Jessie said...

the name is wrong ... the secret, it may be the same.

well told!

Tina said...

Brian darling, succinct and brilliant as always. Do send your lovely commenters my way, won't you? 85 for goodness sake! You deserve every one!

Shadow said...

whooops...

Meeko Fabulous said...

Ok, I read it like two or three times and each time I giggled imagining the big Oops Face the caller must have had when he realized he wasn't calling Katherine. :)

Magpie said...

Ha Ha - gotcha! That's a good one. So much said, so many twists and turns, in so few words.

megzone said...

wwooooww...that was awesome brian...
wonder how you guys manage the 55 word story..
m yet to try that.. and i wonder if i shall be able to do justice to it..
simply super :)

Kate said...

This was really cool and really left me wanting to know more

Six Feet Under Blog said...

Love the ending! Now I want to know what the secret is. lol

Rob said...

Very clever.

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/thursday-poets-rally-participants-of-week-10-an-award-for-you/

how are you?
Hope that things go smooth and fun,
Happy Friday!

Barry said...

Oh, that was great fun. I loved it.

In fact, I think I've lived through something like it.

Brian Miller said...

thanks all. made it to MD...getting ready to go on for the first of 3 talks tonight...thanks for the encouragement...check in with you later!

Unknown Mami said...

Ha! Sounds like something that would happen to me.

Ariel said...

this was funny. A misunderstanding and someone else's burden of guilt about to be revealed... Great idea.
Have a great weekend Brian.

darsden said...

Great as always Brian. You are very gifted. Sure hope you are working on a book in the future!

Deb said...

How do you create such magic with just 55 words ? When I got to the end of this 55 I felt awkward ~ like I had overheard a private conversation. And the book is coming out when?

masterymistery said...

cracking dialogue Brian. Highly effective.

masterymistery at cosmic rapture

Tamarind~ said...

Unexpected.. that was a twist, dude;)

lettuce said...

thats funny

and two stories intersecting, well almost

Jingle said...

Good Morning!
Hope that everything turns out cool and fun!
Best wishes!
Happy Saturday!
Cheers, ;)

Jingle said...

Keep the magic and fun coming!
You Rock!

Brian Miller said...

everything went great last night...a little hoarse and sore this morning...traveling back to VA today...so i will be back online tonight or in the morning...

suryagni said...

loved the ending and of course the entire poem.

Vodka Logic said...

wow look at all those comments, you are a star.

You poem was great, not how I expected it to end. Bravo

slommler said...

Oh I loved it!! Right time...wrong place!! LOL!
Hugs
SueAnn

PattiKen said...

Hmmm... Wrong number? Or right number wrong? We'll never know.

Good job, Brian.

Akelamalu said...

Wrong numbers can get you into lots of trouble! ;)

susan sonnen said...

What a clever turn! I loved it!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Bravo! I like this approach.
Hope the speaking engagement went well.
Safe travels,
jj

evalinn said...

Lol, interesting! :-D

Kim A. said...

I'm late on my 55s this week. PLEASE write another one to fill in the details of this. It's killing me...what secret was told...who told who...was it really a wrong number...argggggggggggggg...i need to know :-D

♥namaste♥

PattiKen said...

I suspect you may have gotten this award already. But I enjoy your 55s so much, I'm doing it again to "second" ( or maybe third or fourth) the earlier one.

Wise Words Award

Lulda Casadaga said...

I wonder if this was what that Hispanic lady was saying to me in the phone when I was trying to tell her wrong number..wrong numero! :D Nice job!!

Mmm said...

Whoa. Wow. Oh what a great ending. Loved it.

KB said...

Sorry I'm so late. Loved the twist at the end.