Tuesday, February 16, 2010

magpie tales: shine

polishin's sumpin'
mah daddy taught me
when i's young, on
sundey mornin's and
special 'cassions.

an ole red box,
made o wood
and wondros things;
soft brown rags and
respect n'a
flat round can.

we'd rub it roun n' roun
n' put on a shine.

silver'd be saved,
all put away,
for dem special days;
family a comin'
or jist
ta celebrate.

we'd rub it roun n' roun
n' put on a shine.

n'every other day
i'd jist be me,
nah worry bout
bein' fancy, cept
sundey mornin's and
special 'cassions.

ah n'er did unerstand
why'd have ta polish
jist ta hide mah tarnish.

This was written for the picture prompt on Magpie Tales, a new story meme by my good friend Willow.

90 comments:

Peter Goulding said...

What an original take and a brilliant last line!

William Manson © 2010 said...

wow this was good Brian, sounded almost Scottish lol, please remember and I know your a busy man but u have an award at my place to collect, will u have room for your posts lol...

http://williamm49.blogspot.com/p/awards.html

Pauline said...

this shines like those special occasions!

rxBambi said...

soft brown rags and
respect n'a
flat round can.

this one really caught my attention. Great job.

can you please come and polish away my tarnish?

Travel & Dive Girl said...

At first, I thought you were talking about shining shoes. My mom used to tell stories about having to shine my grandmother's silver...

tori said...

I can hear the accent in my head. :)
thanks for the encouraging comments on my story today Brian! you calmed my nerves tremendously!

The Brightly Colored Misfit said...

I loved your choice of diction! Wonderfully done! I was swept up in the story!

Vicki Lane said...

'...and every other day I'd just be me' -- love that. As well as 'respect in a can.'

Such fun to see the many directions folks take on this prompt!

Queenmothermamaw said...

Thank you Brian for your visit. Your poem was a treat. I am just starting to work with poetry, don't know all the rules just write in the style I have read. You must be a pro. This was outstanding. Blessings
QMM

Titanium said...

Lovely dialect- it totally makes the story.

The last line is no catch-and-release. It's a keeper.

Toni said...

Damn it - if I wasn't so tired I would enjoy that more :)

Betsy said...

I still remember my dad polishing his shoes!

willow said...

I love that charming dialect you used, Brian. It's very much in the style of the old Hoosier poet, James Whitcomb Riley. Good one. Thanks for joining in.

http://willowmanor.blogspot.com/2008/06/hoosier-poet.html

Meeko Fabulous said...

It's cool to see things from a different perspective. :)

Jen said...

I thought you were talking about shining shoes, too, until I saw the picture. Hiding that well-earned tarnish...what a shame...

The Muse said...

i smiled...
for this work brought me joy...and memories of days spent in the southern mountains deep....

Jessie said...

you are a clever one, with a wonderful gift!

warm smiles,

Matty said...

Now I'm wondering if this is made up for the story, or comes from your good ole days.

Magpie said...

You take words on turns and twists that wonderously tell a tale.
Lovely piece.

Jen Chandler said...

I love this Brian! I love the language, the lilt of dialect. Great job!

Jen

Gingeyginge said...

Thank you for your comment,loved this post...

Ronda Laveen said...

Striking images you've evoked. Not only did I see them put on the shine. I could also see the young man getting scrubbed around the neck and the ears on a Sunday morn. Love it!

Daniel said...

A new style for you. Seems to fit quite nicely I must say. Very enjoyable my friend.

Angie Muresan said...

Brian this is so pleasantly unexpected. I love the way you worked the accent in.

The Retired One said...

As long as no one tarnishes away your shine............

Mighty M said...

I like the way you wrote this Brian!!

Grand Pooba said...

Dang, I wish I spoke "accent".

rel said...

Brian,
Well done my friend. I love the use of dialect. I always struggle with how to spell what I'm hearin' in ma head.
rel

joanny said...

Brian:

a piece of art , poetry, a book -- all have the power to transport, inspire, conjure up images in the readers mind. Images were bubbling up to the surface of my mind like Champagne uncorked -- memories flood back to me as I see my Dad working - polishing away, enjoying some of his happiest moments--I agree with William M it does have a Scottish or Celtic ring to it -- My Dad was Welsh.
Wonderful piece!
Joanny
Thanks for the nice comment on my blog it made my day!

CatLadyLarew said...

Awesome, Brian!

lakeviewer said...

Not easy to write this way; powerful meaning in these rituals.

Jennifer said...

Wow, this is wonderful. Me and mah tarnish appreciate the everyday too.

An Open Heart said...

You always surprise, my friend. I like this, especially the diction.


S

slommler said...

This is wonderful! I was busy shinning up that silver. I could feel the rag in my hand and smell the silver polish. Love that last line. Brilliant!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Susan said...

We should make sure everyday shines. Great and cute piece. Almost had a Robert Burns feel to it.

Catalyst said...

What amazing talent there is out in blogland. Great job Brian!

Enchanted Oak said...

Clever, clever man...

Poetikat said...

Don't you love inhabiting a character? You did this so well, Brian. I was captivated.
Excellent slant on the prompt.

Kat

susan sonnen said...

Brilliant! This is so very clever! The only thing better would be to hear you read it! :D

She Writes said...

Ah, a new voice you write with here, Brian :).

Brian Miller said...

yeah, i was having a little fun with it today. i did grow up in the sticks, though my accent is not quite this bad...we did shine shoes though, and had to wear our ties to the little white church, pulling at the collars...

♥ Braja said...

Hello? Can I speak to Brian?

:)

CottageGirl said...

You are such a versatile, out of the box kind of guy!
Once again you got me and then fooled me in the end!
Talented!

Tracie said...

Reminds me of my rescue cleaning efforts before the in-laws come for a visit.

Devika said...

Fun poem, Brian...Nice read :)

wishes,
devika

Bernie said...

At first I thought you were polishing your shoes then realized I was wrong......this is great Brian.......:-) Hugs

Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

you never cease to amaze me. I like the dialect.

Hugs, Lisa

G-Man said...

Damn Good Son!
Damn Good!

amy said...

I really enjoyed this, Brian! What a gift you have.
And thanks for the encouraging words on my blog.

Gerardine Baugh said...

Wonderful poem and beautiful picture!
This line is filled with memories

"mah daddy taught me"

Gerardine

Cabo said...

DAMN! For a second I thought "FINALLY he's talking like he normally talks!"

Elizabeth said...

That was terrific. I feel like I've found another fantastic blog to become addicted to!

LadyFi said...

I like it - goes really well with the photo too.

tattytiara said...

That was certainly a departure!

Eternally Distracted said...

Great accent... and what is it about keeping things for 'good'?

MomsJournal said...

Are you related to Steinbeck? ;-) I love it!

Baino said...

I loved Ronda's attempt in an 'accent' too. I don't have a lot of silver but identify with the 'polishin'. These days the soft brown rags and that fantastic polish (love the smell) are used for Cymbals!

järnebrand said...

A wonderful and sweet post. I love the accent too. There's nothing wrong with having an accent, you know. ;)

Mr. Stupid said...

Wow. I just loved it. Wonderfully done! The ending was great too.
Smiles...:)

Protege said...

First, congratulations on your POTW win, well deserved;)
I too at first thought this was about shinning shoes.;) My Irishman would have enjoyed that as his shoes are always polished and clean.;)
Great read as always, you are an endless source of beautiful words.
xo
Zuzana

jingle said...

it tingles soundly,
powerful and entertaining!

;)

Candie Bracci said...

Really nice although didn't understand it all,french ya know..enjoy your day :)

Valerie said...

I had trouble with the accent, but understood the words. Not shoes then....

Valerie said...

I had trouble with the accent, but understood the words. Not shoes then....

sheila said...

Very nice Brian. I felt like I was reading a Tom Sawyer book. :)

little hat said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes Brian.
That dialec sure doan com from down unda.
Enjoyed it.
Say how does Willows's Magpie Tales work? Do i publish my piece on my blog? How do i link it back to hers? I'm confused.

Jill said...

I love, "sundey mornin's and
special 'cassions." I have so enjoyed Magpie Tales today.

Good one Brian.

Goofball said...

wow that was hard for me to read, but I can totally "hear" it when reading. Love the cadence of the piece.

I only polish my silver flute , only for concerts which I guess are special occasions

otin said...

Sounds like you have been listening to my Mississippi relatives talk! LOL!

Great stuff!

PropellerHeadMom said...

Wow - that was totally different! Love it - great job!

Nessa said...

This reminded me of the times I watched my father polish his army boots. It was like watching him meditate.

Renovation

Peter Stone said...

Reminds me of shining and polishing the silverware when I was a youngster. And that last line, who's tarnish is being hidden, the cans or a persons...

PattyF said...

Wonderful! I love the dialect. You definitely brought back some memories.

PattiKen said...

Good one. I could hear the accent in my head too. What I find particularly interesting is that you managed to present an accent that plays to each reader according to his or her experience. In my head, it was southern.

Mama Zen said...

"soft brown rags and
respect n'a
flat round can."

That's simply brilliant.

AmyLK said...

I love it! You are so good!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Great way to capture a memory of something so small that had such a bigger meaning.

Nancy said...

Great post - loved the last line.

doubtfulpoet said...

Hehe I agree with Billy it actually had a bit of welsh in there too!! Very enjoyable

Lorenzo said...

A poem with a clear voice in it. Great stuff, Brian. I really liked the last line you "added" to my magpie tale poem today. Thanks.

SamSilva said...

Followed the link and saw some of the other submissions. Your poem is refreshingly different! Good work.

LadyCat said...

Very nice! I agree with Willow...this reminded me of James Whitcomb Riley's style, too. Love it!

jingle said...

wow,
it is great to be here,
all cheers
and
quality
stuff!

Happy Wednesday!

jingle said...

thank U for being the most hard working man in the world...

Keep shining,
Keep caring!

best!

The Hausfrau said...

Nice use of repetition and voice!

okigetit said...

hey, waystationone. i really like your use of register and jargon here! and the polish/tarnish line at the end seems like a metaphor for my whole life... thought provoking. thanks much.

gayle said...

Loved it!!!!

martha said...

I liked the way you suckered us into thinking this was going to be a pastorale and then jabbed with the pain and hurt of the last line.

Tammy said...

Very cool. I enjoy that each piece I have read is so different from the last.

mama-face said...

You already know I'm old...but I remember shinin' all the sumpin's in my mother's collection of silver. I haven't thought about that in quite a while. I don't own a thing that is real silver (other than jewelry). No china either. Those were the days. Sometimes your poetry brings back memories that you may probably not expect. I guess that is the idea.