It's that time once again, to journey into the twisted minds of Otin and Brian on another Brotin Tale. This month it is my turn to open, and I look forward to seeing where Otin takes this one. Sit back and enjoy...
her head snakes, fists pushed firmly into her hips for emphasis. though muffled by the window where i watch, her voice cuts like a knife into old memories as i feel my head dipping low against my chest, mirroring his.
inhaling deeply, i turn back to my empty classroom, busying myself with gathering papers to take home to grade in front of the television. an inadvertent smile slips across my face, seeing the hot pink flier for the science fair.
so many of my students could care less, yet a few would find this their time to flourish. not blessed with athletic talent, they would turn themselves over to the mind and let their imaginations run free. some would even go on to be teachers. yes, i look forward every year to the surprises they bring me.
tomorrow will be a good day, my finger finds the switch without a thought, leaving behind the weight i felt at the window.
-----
i know i should not, but i indulge myself in a steaming sup of sumatra, black, no fru fru, but i want to be fully engaged as the kids pour in with their projects today. windshield wipers whip back and forth in a frenzy to keep up with the rain, each sip of coffee leaving a hint of steam at the edge of my glasses.
gravel crunches as i pull into the comfortable familiarity of the school parking lot. few cars are here this early, but a shadowy form lingers by the door, my lights play across the front of the building, highlighting tommy holding a heavy cardboard box.
dashing between puddles to avoid getting completely soaked, my key rattles in the door, saving questions for drier confines.
tommy, what are you doing here so early?
just excited, i guess, he mumbles into the box, eyes cast guiltily away from me.
did your mom drop you off?
i brought my project and wanted to show it to you, he avoids my question deftly, offering an easy distraction. after yesterday afternoon, i am sure he needs a break.
go on in the cafeteria and set it up, i will be along shortly, just let me drop my things in the classroom. tommy is a good kid, i have no problem leaving him unsupervised for the few minutes it takes me to return.
wow, what is that? my mind races as the lights and components, briefly wondering where tommy could get such equipment, quickly lost in the wonder of his brilliant device.
its a happiness machine.
a happiness machine...what does it do?
it will fix things, like my family. making them happier...
the first inkling of concern pulls at my conscience, he sees it on my face, his finger flips the switch without a though, leaving behind the weight he felt while i was at the window...
Now go check out Otin for the rest of the story...
Friday, February 26, 2010
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65 comments:
Once again Brian, you gave me a great springboard! I start the next one!
Brian, that is... hot. Piping, steaming, boiling, explosively HOT.
Oh, where oh where will Otin go from here?
uh...this could go in so many ways. Terrific beginning!
Love it, as usual! (pats you on the back) Onward!
If I knew Otin he is going to blow this one out of the water. This was an awesome start Brian. I can't wait to see where it ends up.
I won't give away Otin's ending, but once again, guys...just awesome!!!
I love it when you two do this!
Interesting, this "happiness machine"...spring-boarding over to otin's :)
Tommy used to work on the docks...
Love it! Heading to Otin..
Great, and I popped over to Otin's when I finished reading it. In reality this probably happens too many times which breaks my heart.
..........:-) Hugs
Wow! I'm off to Otin's!
I really like this story and think it's a great springboard for otie --- I can't imagine a happiness will equal a killing, but who knows.
Time for me to find out.
As a teacher of a grade school with the majority of students below the poverty level, your writing brought me to tears.
A creative teacher....love it.
And a happiness machine rocks!!
Great short story
Hugs
SueAnn
Otin did it!
Great work to both of you. Thank you.
Brian....WoW!
I'm burning to know what's gonna happen, this is just...breath-taking
Brian....WoW!
I'm burning to know what's gonna happen, this is just...breath-taking
Dim damn, man, now you're just toyin' with me. Over to "O"'s I go.
what a great start, excellent
Simple and complex this is. Opening with a question of who and ending with a question of how. Well done Brian.
That's a terrific opener. Must find out how it ends. Great blog, too.
Oh, this is sounding really good! Can't wait to read the next part :)
The two of you do a great job of writing stories together!
Terrific beginning. Lets see what Otin does with this one.
It is extremely difficult to have two people share the writing of a story, but you guys make it work. Let me know when you make it to a book.;)
Have a lovely weekend,
xo
Zuzana
Oh that is heartbreaking and engaging! I love the "switch" moment...you ignore it at first but then it comes back...
I love this cause I was the odd one in high school...I hope it is a happy ending..or at least no one gets blown up or turned into a fly.
namaste
Oh God. Sometimes I forget what it was like in the midst of my mom and dad's worst nights. Yet I realize how blessed I am that we were never beaten physically and that I have the opportunity now to make a difference with others who have been through the same.
Thank you Brian
Have me hooked! Now on to read the rest.
Always enjoy a Brotin Tale...off I go to visit Otin!
Hi Brian, you did a good job with the set up story here. And I like the keen eye the teacher has.
Brian, this is SO GOOD...
Only you can think of a happiness machine.
OMG... this is so awesome.
Great beginning!
hugs
shakira
It's wonderfully done, but so sad in it's honesty.
Sad and frightening. Otis always carries it to the dark side. But this time you kind of led him to it.
If only it was possible to have a happiness machine... but then, we'd also miss half the fun of finding happiness on our own. Sadly, Otin's half points out the bleakness of some people's lives and why a happiness machine is needed.
Nice set up- I'll what otin did with it...
You guys are such a dynamic duo!
too much happiness, unreal??
a grand opening secures 50% of success, I marvel at the idea of happy machine, reminds me of a professor of happiness, if everyone is a professor of joy, then the world is better place.
amazing writing!
thanks all...this is a lot of fun actually, never really knowing where the other person is going to take it after you open. i know the fictional pieces are not for everyone, thus it gets a little less crowded around here when i do them. smiles. its like playing in a sandbox as a kid, welcome to my sandbox...
Can't wait to go read the rest!!
So intriguing...now I have to know what happens next!
Great way to start it off, Brian!
another great brotin tale.
A great start Brian! I can't wait to see where Otin goes with this.
Have a fantastic weekend!
Hey Brian - what a great start back to reading posts for me. Can't wait to see where Otin takes this.
Great start, and we all know Otin can take a great start and take it absolutely anywhere, so I'm heading over for the finale right away!
Back from Otin's. I love this project you two have. You are both such gifted story tellers and this one did not disappoint. The Pollyanna in me is missing my happy ending but this was a great story and sadly all too real.
It's a sad tale, but as a teacher I know this happens at varying degrees. It's amazing the stories you two create. I am so sad now...sign of a good writer..you make the reader internalize it and feel it as if it is real.
nice Brian, how do u follow that?, great start, well done mate..
I can't wait to see where Otin takes this story!
Well done, Brian! Thank you!
GEM
I don't know how you guys keep churning out the good stuff every time. Loved the whole story.
Ugh, lots to ponder here about this kid dropped so early at school with a machine so fantastic...
Very cool!!! Such a great opening to the story, I must go read Otin's part!
Oh boy, I'm off to see how this ends.
Fru fru? I thought I was the only one who said that!
Well done boys ....
Great start - I'm kinda scared to see what Otin does with it ;0)
Wow! Fabulously descriptive.. without an undertow of darkness... Can't wait to see what's going to happen next!
Darling, I am doing a tribute for William,
come and greet him?
http://justmeshakirack.blogspot.com/2010/02/happy-best-day-william.html
hugs
shakira
What I great idea, I´m going over tehre now!
Oh man, you have set this up so brilliantly - there are so many ways it could go! Off to find out which direction Otin took it! ;)
Okay, I feel a little tingle of concern .... after all, Otin is going to take it from here .....
great subject...you really got inside that teachers head...are you a teacher?
Really cool - I could picture the whole thing... off to read Otin.
Brilliant! Off to read Otin....
Great start! Off to see Otin. :)
An astonishing lead. A curious concept.
RnPB: Ch 013 - Clean Up
Oh wow! Can't wait to see where this goes.. Off to Otins!
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