Monday, February 15, 2010

512 Calhoun

feeling the cool ribbed texture of the rebar entwined in my fingers gives a small sense of security, as i watch drawers fly from their holes in the cabinet, clattering loudly on the kitchen floor. tin measuring cups and blue stirring spoons join the growing pile of debris around the ankles of the men ransacking my apartment. they don't even bother wearing masks, this can't be a good sign.

i can hear summer singing in the last rays of sunshine slipping over the mountains, calling and end to the school year. exams are but memories, long forgotten stress drained, here on the front deck of our house. my roommates have fled for home, leaving me straggling behind, packing up last minute things before i find the road myself.

growling like a rabid dog, the tires of an old brown El Dorado drag to stop in front of the house, leaving angry black lines on the grey asphalt. his red and black shirt flaps in the breeze, over a white wife beater as the driver rounds the front of the car, his henchmen pouring out the passenger door. stepping back to watch from the cool shadow of the door, they meet me there driving me back to land squarely on the couch.

don't move.

one heads instantly for the stairs, another to the kitchen, while the leader sneers, casting his cold shadow across me. my stomach knurls in the aloneness that floods my body with each thump and crash. hands hanging limp and useless by couch touch the hard metal rebar that has slipped under its edge, that would untimely go into the windows for added security. no sense in being discrete i place it in my lap, his lips curl into a crooked teeth smile.

an avalanche of footfalls pour down the steps, words bark from their mouths, my eyes never leave them. pausing by the door, a hand rips the phone list from the wall, balling it in a pocket, and then they are gone.

it takes a few minutes to convince my legs to move again, then they propel me constricting walls onto the deck, lungs burning for fresh air. breathe. breathe. a thousand "if onlys" cackle at my weakness, but "if only" i might not be here. it does not make me feel much better.

the sun is gone now, a discarded yellow orange couch sits by the dirty green dumpster, my only companion, turning grey in the encroaching darkness.

76 comments:

Titanium said...

Fear, disrobed.

Brian, you've done it again. My hands are shaking, just typing this.

THE BEATY said...

wow uber intense

secret agent woman said...

That's unsettling to read.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

I hope that was a nightmare!

jinksy said...

avalanche of footfalls pour down the steps

Liked this image especially - still holding my breath!

samsilva said...

Well, I had to go through it twice to crack the coded prose. Hard work too.
You might run out of steam at this hectic rate.

Happy writing :)

tori said...

did this really happen? very intense!

blueviolet said...

Is this a page out of your past?

mama-face said...

"my stomach knurls in the aloneness"

Oh my. I'm wondering about the title...am I just too new here?

Kay said...

need i even to say...? captivating? riveting? haunting? engaging? bravo, brian, yet again embracing the audience! your amazing :)

Susan said...

I'm shaking still. Very vivid imagery there! Great as always!

Brian Miller said...

it is an actual experience...the title was the address...it was the end of my second year in college.

otin said...

Sounds like you went to the school of hard knocks! That was very riveting!!

buffalodick said...

For what it's worth, I'm armed and am very territorial..I'm a peaceful man, but know who is worth what to me, and am not afraid to defend them.

JennyMac said...

SO powerful. And is this a memory or pure fiction?

Tom said...

dang, what's it all mean?

Does every city have a Calhoun Street?

TechnoBabe said...

Sounds like an uncomfortable experience. I keep thinking of the rebar and the damage it could have done. There are several great descriptive sentences in here.
Glad you made it out in one piece and out of that place to begin other adventures.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Whoa! I was holding my breath as I read this Brian. Amazing. So glad you lived to ell the story.

Hope your Valentine's weekend was fun.

Have a great week,
jj

rxBambi said...

wow. that was scary. now tell me where you went to school so I can keep my kids away.
Yikes. I'm glad youre not dead.

Mighty M said...

SCARY!!!!

slommler said...

I feel stripped, naked and vulnerable. Well written Brian. So frightening.
Hugs
SueAnn

Christina said...

So I was right. I thought that was the address. Great read, keeps you hanging on every word.

William Manson © 2010 said...

good story mate, excellent imagery, exciting lol, have a good one :)

Alan Burnett said...

Great. Atmospheric stuff.

Nessa said...

I'm just sitting here absorbing.

Marla said...

Some day, Brian, when you are rich and famous from using your amazing gift of writing, I will say, "I know that guy!"

Well done!!

CottageGirl said...

Phew! Worst nightmare

The Retired One said...

Hear that sound? Yup, it was my heart thumping. Whew. It was like being there.
So glad you kept your cool and didn't risk your life for material objects taken....

Betsy said...

You really do need to write an autobiography. :)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hope your mom doesn't read this one! Sometimes ignorance is bliss for moms!

jingle said...

reflection of your youthful years,
but it looks like a movie clip...

awesome writing!

Magpie said...

Your words are so descriptive and the memory must be deeply imbedded for you to recall it so well.
Scary.

Ronda Laveen said...

Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.

Great read.

Bernie said...

Did this really happen to you? It was a bit nerving but you wrote it so well......:-) Hugs

Yousei Hime said...

Thank you for visiting and commenting at my blog. I had studied piano for years, and just couldn't give up music in college. I had enough hours, the minor wasn't too hard to get. Enjoying your writing. Thanks for sharing it. :)

AmyLK said...

WOW I didn't want to read but couldn't help myself. Great story that I hope didn't really happen!

lakeviewer said...

What a shame, robbing a poor student on his last day. This is weird and scary and tense. Well done/.

Devika said...

i've gone dizzy reading this!!

I have to shake myself off now...so much effectively written, Brian :)

wishes,
devika

Unknown Mami said...

I could taste the fear in my mouth.

Ekanthapadhikan said...

Intense, indeed. Powerful imageries as if it's your first hand experience!

tattytiara said...

Your juxtapositions of normalcy with violation make it so real, dude.

Shadow said...

this one was fearful and intensely paced...

LadyFi said...

What a terrifying read. You're a masterful writer!

masterymistery said...

"...growling like a rabid dog..." "...avalanche of footfalls pour down the steps..."

Brian you sure paint a vivid picture

avalanche of footfalls pour down the steps

Baino said...

Perhaps I should read this again because I have no idea what's going on let alone what a 'rebar' is? So? What was it? A robbery? Thugs seeking revenge? Eviction . .Brian your writing is wonderful but we need to know what it means. Jesus, if Tom doesn't get it we're all in strife!

Protege said...

I forgot to breath while reading this. The way you paint images with words is astounding.;)
xo
Zuzana

Sam!! said...

So intense...

Take care

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

Dearest Brian,

You writing any book yet?
I love to read stuffs from ROBERT LUDLUM
and this is AWESOME!

Sad that it happened to you,
but so glad that you are alive,
be safe!

hugs
shakira

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

Dearest Brian ,

Are you aware that Dr. John has passed on?
Just thought I will let you know.
I saw your comments at his blog.

hugs
shakira

Eternally Distracted said...

Real? Made-up? scary stuff!

JStar said...

I love the fact that you wrote this. People experience this everyday, esp where I live...It unfortanate and scary, terrifying...Glad this one atleast had a happy ending...More than half dont...

Lorraine said...

I am always...so impressed!

the b in subtle said...

scary and glad you lived through this. for whatever reason, the opening lines had "Cloudbusting" by Kate Bush pop into my head. the men taking her father away...

Barry said...

Wow, this is one powerful and intense piece of writing, Brian.

Rain said...

That was great Brian, you know how to build suspense. Kudos!
:)

Gaston Studio said...

Moving men or demolition men? Me thinks they were not robbers.

only a movie said...

Hey, are you getting enough sleep? Scary stuff.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Freaky!

Enchanted Oak said...

The final vision, of the orange couch by the green dumpster in the coming darkness, is breath-taking, I don't know why. A great way to end this.

Brian Miller said...

gaston...nope. it was a robbery...

Ocean Girl said...

I got it! And I knew it was an actual event.

What I couldn't believe is the things you went through in your younger days.

Mama Zen said...

Definitely, intense!

Jessie said...

you retold this exceptionally well. it's a shame it was a true story, luckily though you escaped uninjured.

Barbara said...

What weakness? You did the smartest thing you could. There was nobody to protect except yourself.
You were lucky.
They WILL get theirs. They always do.

Daniel said...

O.K., I get the terror and fear, but not exactly sure what the real scene was here. What was happening inside before the men showed up? What were they after inside the house? Inquiring minds want to know.

Hilary said...

I'm glad you didn't do any of your "if only"s, lest you not be here to tell the tale which was riveting.

jingle said...

66 is smooth,
here is another award,

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/friendship-awards/

best wishes!

järnebrand said...

Intense and scary. Glad you lived through this! Wow.

Jen Chandler said...

Meep! This had me tensing. In fact, I really wanted to hit the smirking guy in the teeth! Geez! Glad you got out of that alive.

Excellent job communicating the terror you felt.

Jen

e said...

Okay, you had me on the edge of my chair...disturbing...

Thanks for your comment on my post...mine wasn't nearly as dramatic...

PJ said...

Whew! Exhale. Breathe. Riveting scene.

Goofball said...

gosh you've been robbed?
what were they after? have they been caught?

just jill said...

so visual...and SCARY!!

Moannie said...

Good grief! So glad I found you...you have described the fears of any of us left alone, or always alone, or just having seen any black and white noir movie on late night TV.

Moannie said...

Now I read that it actually happened-Phew!

Moannie said...

And now I can see why you have so many followers.