Sunday, February 7, 2010

160 - sweet & sour paper airplane trashcan memories

on a soft cotton sheet
by the open window
she lays in
silent repose,
his hand
holding
it tightly
against the clouds
slowly erasing her memories.

see you soon, mom

what can you say in 160 characters (spaces included). go see monkey man.

This one was the completion of the trilogy of 160s the last couple weeks. Here together for your pleasure...


on a Chinese takeout menu,
under a brown stain
she writes in
angry letters
an apology.
folding
it neatly
she flies it
out the window to the world.

i forgot you

on a soiled paper airplane
beside a steel trashcan
he reads in
heavy tears
her words,
tossing
it absently
among the debris
in the alley out her window.

i never did

on a soft cotton sheet
by the open window
she lays in
silent repose,
his hand
holding
it tightly
against the clouds
slowly erasing her memories.

see you soon, mom

93 comments:

Susan said...

All three of these pieces hve been very powerful and always have me thinking for quite a bit. You asked who my muse was for my piece. Since you won I'll tell you along with the gift card that I sent out. Congrats again! Great writing as always Brian...

Mama Wheaton said...

That was really wonderful!

Ms Hen said...

What does the last part mean.. "his hand
holding
it tightly
against the clouds
slowly erasing her memories."??

I'm confused... and this is going to drive me crazy all day..

His hand is holding what tightly ??

Thanks for telling me. I know I'm dense..

Ms Hen said...

mine is up.. silly one.

Calli said...

Profound work here, Brian.

I love reading you!

♥ Braja said...

I liked that...

William Manson © 2010 said...

very nice indeed Brian, your very clever at these and always leave the reader puzzled lol, excellent happy snow free sunday and enjoy looking through your childhood stuff,lol

Who Is Tim Burton? said...

Hi! Brian,
Wow...Thanks, for sharing three short, reflective and potent pieces.
Thanks,
DeeDee ;-D

Devika said...

Yes fine trilogy, Brian :)

wishes,
devika

Ms Hen said...

Oh.. this about a son who did not see his mother for years... (not about a man and a woman dating and breaking up).. and the mom is dead now.. ??

Omigosh.. and the clouds means she is going to heaven.. he'll see her there someday..

I'm so dense.. I think everything has to do with men and women relationships only.. and did not see this angle.

Wow.. magnificent Brian.. totally wonderful..

(I thought at first when you wrote see you mom, your poem was over and your were just reminding your mom you are going to be visiting her soon..after the snow is gone.. or something..) btw how is your mom.. is she all better?

Tom said...

it's good! Glad you stuck it all together.

powdergirl said...

"sweet & sour paper airplane"

"Soft cotton sheet"

All in one post?

A treat, Brian, a real treat.

Monkey Man said...

These are a powerful three yet stand so well alone. I have thought about a post on my mother as she nears the end of her life, but I can't bring myself to feel it.

Monkey Man said...

Oooops....great 160.

slommler said...

These are all wonderful Brian! You have such a way with words. So poignant!!! Love them!
Hugs
SueAnn

Matty said...

Brian, it sounds so meaningful.

Maha said...

I loved it before and love it more now.
Your style is original. You leave us obligated to dig deep in to your writings.

jaymiethorne said...

Beautiful! Love this series you have going.

buffalodick said...

I can't quite tie it all together, but that's just me...

blueviolet said...

I think this has probably been one of my faves from you. :)

Valerie said...

There's a good deal of regret and sadness in all three, although I had a little trouble relating the third with the other two. I think I got there in the end... smiles.

mama-face said...

This could be about my husband's mother who passed away recently. Among other causes of death was Alzheimer's. For me, this captured a son's feelings for his mother. That's the beauty of real artwork; the interpreting.

Once again, very lovely work.

Ms Hen said...

Oh the mom upset she forgot him at times because of Alzheimer.. ?

Wow so many layers this story has.. amazing.

I've been known to look up meanings to songs and poems for hours.. lol.

Like when an ex of mine used to play Wildhorses.. I had to find out the meaning..

the first two lines were from something keith wrote intended first for his child..

But than Wildhorses.. when Mick girlfriend Marion Faithful OD woke up and said the wildhorses line.

I like to know what the author has exactly on their mind when they wrote each line. Like a puzzle.

Your work is amazing.

Crafty Green Poet said...

three beautiful pieces, even more so when read together.

Jaime said...

what a great finale to the trilogy. beautifully done

Jen said...

These are beautiful. You are a very talented poet. I always enjoy reading what you've written.

Felicitas said...

Brian, as it's been said before: this is a very powerful trilogy! Brilliantly written.

5thsister said...

so very deep and poignant. You are at a level of writing that I could only hope to, one day achieve. Very well done.

subby said...

Pretty good Brian, as is the imagery. Heck, I can't even limit my limericks to 160, heh...

CottageGirl said...

Wow Brian.
Very moving and very thought provoking. All of them have lost something very dear. I love the way you tied them all together!

jingle said...

elegant writing,
thank you for
putting all 3 together to complete...
Happy Sunday!

Not The Rockefellers said...

Damn,Brian
this is just killer
I'm insanely jealous
the imagery
the scratch-n-sniff-edness of it
I love a poem I can just wrap my senses in...
Bravo, man

Peace ~ Rene

Corrie Howe said...

I also thought of Alzheimers. Or coming death, but you were sly to set it up like lovers. Did you plan this all along?

Daniel said...

Brian, this trilogy was awesome. I loved reading how different folks interpreted it differently. Blessings.

TechnoBabe said...

Dang, without my realizing it I got a few tears. Why this would reach down inside me like this I don't know. But the real skinny is that you write to bring people into it and you do a great job.

Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

Brian,

You prove the point that has been running through my head. I need to work on saying my message with fewer words. I have an ADHD personality added to being a talker. I think one of the lessons I need to really pay attention to is the lesson: Often times, less is more.

Your words are evidence of this. Bravo.

gayle said...

Wow!! I love this!!

Kim A. said...

très passionné et doux

Namaste

Brian Miller said...

i had in mind from the bginning of a lady that is slowly slipping into dementia...how that would feel and for those left behind...i was trying to be a bit tricky leading you to believe it was a lost love, but in a way...

tara's mom went through about 2 years of slipping slowly away. it was a very tough time. she cried when she read the ending this morning because it is a very real piece...

thanks for all the love...been off dealing with the white stuff...catching up now...

Fragrant Liar said...

[sniff] Lotsa sad stuff there!

But so well done. You are the 160-word master.

lakeviewer said...

Trashcan memories: Inspiring all.

You do thrive with these challenges, Brian!

Hootin' Anni said...

Brian...Brian....this is so so powerful for a mom that I am. You've managed to bring tears welling up as I read this...and then, the memories of my younger days when my kids were small, paper airplanes, and oh so many different emotions.

That's a strong piece of skilled writing. Well done.

Nessa said...

I am forever amazed at the way you put words together.

The Simple Things Challenge

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

Simply wonderful.

Wings said...

Nice Brian. When is the book due out?

Tracey said...

I'd rather read your blog than go to work for sure! I wish I could get paid to read your blog, then I could quit my job!

Well done, Brian. You have such a way with words.

Smiles!
Green-Eyed Momster

Tracey said...

I went back and read the other comments. The same thing happened to my MIL. It brings tears just thinking about how she slipped so fast.

I'm dealing with the white stuff again too. Yikes!
GEM

William Manson © 2010 said...

the mystery unfolds believe it or not lol I was thinking along those lines, very good, thanks for the outcome mate, have a great evenin :)

Enchanted Oak said...

It's a fine trilogy. The mark of a good work is that there are open interpretations among the lines, little secret passageways we can mosey down on our own.
Thanks for your support during the "Simple Things Challenge." We're at 93 different posts. Super Bowl has started, and the tempo has slowed.
I've been bowled over by the blessings others cherish. We're going to reach $200, enough to feed 40 people for a day in Haiti, I've been told.
Thanks for following along, Brian.
Cheers from Chris

Ronda Laveen said...

Beautiful and powerful trilogy, Brian. I love the concept that each piece is stand-alone and a part of a whole.

I hope to try the 160 soon.

The Retired One said...

beautiful...just beautiful.
It brought tears to my eyes, Brian....
I lost my mom a few years back, we cared for her in our home as she slipped away from a brain tumor....
so this hit close to home.

Hilary said...

Finer each time. Chill-evoking.

tattytiara said...

Such lovely sadness, if I may describe it as such.

Unknown Mami said...

Heartbreaking.

Reminds me of:

Mother, you had me but I never had you,
I wanted you but you didn't want me,
So I got to tell you,
Goodbye, goodbye.
-John Lennon

Ms Hen said...

aww...hugs to tara about her mom going through that for 2 years (hugs to you too)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Wow. Having so recently lost my son, it wasn't hard to read a lot into your words. Bittersweet.

rxBambi said...

wow B, these are amazing. Very nicely done for such a hard thing.

ishabelle said...

im here to bring you some sunshine... :) i hope you enjoy it... :)

http://ishabellemanalo.wordpress.com/2010/02/08/the-sunshine-award/

Heidi said...

So wonderful, you really made me picture the old woman holding her grown sons hand. Hope that's right. I never did well with studying poetry. I always just wanted to imagine that the poem meant whatever I, the reader, believed it to mean. It's nice when the reader's idea and the writers intent are the same.

Mr. Stupid said...

That was great Brian. Loved it. Very well written.
Have a good day...:)

Anya said...

Lovely words written brain :-)

Hugs to your cats
Kareltje =^.^=

Protege said...

I love these and your talent never seizes to amaze...
Hope you are safe in the snow.
xo
Zuzana

Gillian said...

Lovely.

järnebrand said...

I was looking forward to this last part of the triology. Just beautiful. You have your own style in your writing. Quite fascinating to a Swedish girl.. :)

Birdie said...

I love it! Enjoy your day :-)

Just Be Real said...

Brian, new to your blog, and I appreciate your writings. Thank you. Blessings.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

How beautiful; I particularly liked your first piece, written with such sadness yet love in your heart.

CJ xx

Jessie said...

beautiful, tender, and filled with emotion. i almost didn't leave a comment, simply because everyone has already said it.

nsiyer said...

Oh! very good. It is my luck that I am able to read your blog. I shall continue to come over.

the walking man said...

Sweetly done and a nice tribute to much loved person.

She Writes said...

Brian this got me. Tears.

PS about your comment and eyes wide open. Your writing would have made me guess you SEE :).
a

The Girl From Cherry Blossom Street said...

Oh how poignant.
It is painful when they go to a place and there is no way to reach them anymore...

Goofball said...

I needed to read most of the comments to really understand the content

now it makes me teary

e said...

Beautiful, Brian. Well done...

Eternally Distracted said...

Very powerful pieces, glad you posted them all together.

Realliveman said...

This is so awesome. I have to get in on this!

sheila said...

MOM?!?!
DIdn't see this one coming. But I loved it. As a daughter shunned by her biological father until it was too late, I sorta relate to this one.

lady macleod said...

Lovely, just lovely. I came over from The Zen of Motherhood and have very much enjoyed my visit.

Mama Zen said...

Beautifully done, Brian!

Baino said...

Aww such a sad little trilogy Brian.

~ Tabitha ~ said...

wow.

jingle said...

handsome post from handsome hands!
Happy Monday!

Skye said...

Wow what a trilogy! Nicely written Brian!

Sorry I don't comment very often, you have so many people commenting all the time that I feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. Again, my apologies :)

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I came here from Colette Amelia's. Your poetry is beautiful. I'm glad you are home with your boys.

Grand Pooba said...

I always feel like am am decoding your writing to find the true meaning, I love it!

Maggie said...

They are very lovely Brian.

otin said...

I am kinda glad that you explained it, I didn't want everyone to think that I was the dumb one!

secret agent woman said...

Dementia - am I read that right?

Candie Bracci said...

WOW,that is just magical!Superb Brian!This is really cool what you've done here!

Pat said...

Very raw with emotion. I'm glad you explained it more.

Marinela said...

I enjoyed reading you Brian

JML said...

That was unhappy. It seemed as though people were being people and sucking at life and you did a great job at portraying that. I didn't think that it was going to be his mom though.

annachill said...

I got the sense that it was sad too, and that a lost loved one caught the paper airplane and was holding it in the afterlife. I like the juxtaposition of past, present and future. Very haunting ( in a good way).