Sunday, February 21, 2010

160 - Pig King

raising his snout
in obstinance,
he builds castles
of his excrement,
just to remind her
he was right,
and she is wrong,
though now he is
lonely, but
he is king.

What can you say in 160 characters? (spaces included) Go see Monkey Man.

For kicks and giggles, here is the original 160 I wrote in my notebook at the book store a couple weeks back that eventually turned into the piece above. Sometimes I wonder is it more important to be right all the time?

you know
you are right
which means
she is wrong...
he is wrong...
which leaves
you king
of a very
lonely castle
upon the hill
that you built.

85 comments:

Prayer Girl said...

Just like we say in AA, "Would you rather be right or do you want to be happy?"

Of the seven deadly sins, it is no wonder that pride heads the list.

PG

Tom said...

yeah, it's better--way to stick with it!

Susan said...

If you love the person it doesn't matter who is right. It just melts away. Lovely reminder to not always fight for what does not matter.

5thsister said...

Men! Learn these words and repeat after me: "You were right. You were absolutely right. I must be wrong."

Mr. Stupid said...

Nice one. Its always good to agree upon each other rather than assume ourselves to be correct...:)

Mrsupole said...

You know they have this saying for a reason.

"A happy wife makes for a happy life."

The reason for this saying is so that men do not have to sleep on the couch, or in the guest room by thinking that they are always right.

So, how was the couch a couple of weeks ago when you wrote the first one?

Just kidding, you and I know she never makes you sleep on the couch. Wink, wink.

God bless.

subby said...

Am I a rare breed in that I can admit when I'm truly wrong? You leave me to ponder, sir...

Eaton Bennett said...

Ah, the thrill of being right and the loneliness of believing your are always! I like both your writes on this subject...and anyway, who wants to be lonely and right, it's a hell of a place to be. :))

Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

Yeah, I have that fatal flaw...probably part of being a teacher...having to "have all the answers" which, by the way, I don't. I am not dating or married, but I would not say I am alone. This is a great piece to remind us of humility.

Great Job.

otin said...

One who is always right is often left! LOL!

She Writes said...

I like what you finished with and I know how that changes as one writes. Nice to see the process here. Nah, being right isn't always the best answer in a relationship. Period. :)

Alix said...

You talking about Obama?

Lorenzo said...

In answer to the question you pose: personally speaking I dp find that being right all the time takes a terrible toll on my humility, not that this would lower my obstinant stout mind you ...

Tall Kay said...

Such deep wisdom in words. Today I'm choosing happy over being right.

Thanks Brian for all your kind comments. How do you ever find the time? You're amazing♥

Kim A. said...

I love this one. Admitting when I am wrong frees me to go on and live my life. There is nothing good for me that comes from a prideful stubborness.

namaste

William Manson © 2010 said...

very good poem Brian with its limitations, well constructed, have a great day :)

CatLadyLarew said...

King of a pile of excrement! Nothin' like being right!

Devika said...

Yet another fun post today :)

wishes,
devika

Daniel said...

I like both versions. Same message, but different feelings rose up within me.

notaphotographerbutiplayoneontv said...

Another wonderful poem, Brian! You are so gifted! Thanks for sharing your gift.

Rain said...

If the prize of being right is loneliness, is it worth it? To some it is and sooner or later, they'll regret their loss! Don't get me wrong, I love being right, lol...but I know when to back down too! :)

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

So many, it seems, make such foolish choices. Point made so beautifully Brian.

Mama Wheaton said...

There has to be a fine balance to agreeing to disagree.

järnebrand said...

I really liked this one. I don't believe in monarchy. I don't believe in kings living in castles built of their own excrement either. Actually I think it sounds kind of gross... But I did enjoy the metaphor. :)

jingle said...

fancy and fundamental topic,
one can only have part of the perfection sometimes, it is a choice between self pride and compremisement for happiness...

enjoyed the feed on this one,
efficient writing,
beautiful ending.

Keep Rocking,
The most able man!
bless your wife and your kids for having u...

Magpie said...

Being happy and right can work. It just takes being gracious. Who wants to be the king or queen of a pile of excrement???
Well done.

Monkey Man said...

Oh how we not only want to be right but want everyone to know how right we are. Slippery slopes indeed. Great 160. Thanks again for playing.

LadyCat said...

Yes, having to be right all the time is a lonely job. And I don't think it would be any fun at all!

Tracie said...

Sadly, I am the only person in this house who admits to being wrong.

Not that it happens often....,

Goofball said...

no it's not important to be right all the time....sometimes it's right to be wrong

pick your fights, so I learned. I try hard to follow this and distinguish what matters or not. It made my social relationships easier

Matty said...

I have learned through trial and error, and way too many lessons, that the key to a happy marriage for the man is :

"honey you were right".

Bachelor said...

Great take on pride here, Brian. One might have all the marbles, but eventually playing alone becomes void. Have a great week!
:) The Bach

Brian Miller said...

jarne - i about spit up my soda...

Maggie May said...

Very good.
It is OK if being right is shared and that sometimes the other person gets to be right too. Otherwise it is like a pile of excrement!

Nuts in May

Anya said...

You are a GREAT artist :-)
Creative post !!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Beautiful, both versions, the Pig King was definately more visceral for me. OINK!

Iddy Albatross said...

This one made me smile. Is that ok? :)

Bernie said...

If mamma ain't happy ain't nobody happy.......:-) Hugs

sam silva said...

I like it! Don't we all build castles on our stuff?

I don't know if its the only way though!
:)

TechnoBabe said...

Being left alone, he isn't king of much though is he? I like the version you ended up with a little better. Interesting the first one though.

Mighty M said...

The original was good, but I really like what you ended up with.

Gary said...

I like the Pig King - both forms.

Madame DeFarge said...

But I am always right. It's well known.

The Retired One said...

I love what Dr.Phil says to couples having problems:
"Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"

Excellent point!

susan sonnen said...

Excellent (though stinky) imagery! I learned of 160 thru you and gave it a shot today. :)

Susan

Marla said...

Ok, this is just flat out stinking good!

Jill said...

Maybe you can agree to disagree? Or...if you are truly being a PIG...she must be right!
;)

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh, I am so having fun dreaming up names for the poop castle. I'm a simple girl who likes simple fun.

Felicitas said...

Yes, the ego will get you every time if you let it! Wonderfully put in just 160 characters, Brian.

Ms Hen said...

nice.

It reminds of the Beatle's song.. Try to see it my way... (and things will work out); but try to see it you're way.. etc).

lol.

I actually still think I'm right about everything .. lol. (joking)

rxBambi said...

building castles of his excrement...

where the heck do you get this stuff??

Loved it tho. And she's always right so get used to it.

Mama Zen said...

Excellent!

CottageGirl said...

You are correct, sir!
There are better things than being right ... ummmmm
... most of the time!

secret agent woman said...

And of course, sometimes you can be both lonely and wrong.

(Poor maligned pigs. They are actually friendly creatures.)

powdergirl said...

I know guys that have done just that, and ended up just like that. Even some pretty good friends of mine have done that.

They never seem to understand what happened. They say things like, " I never saw it coming, suddenly she just packed her shit and left."

They don't get that while chicks may dig some chest pounding masculinity, they don't like it used against them.

It'd be funny if it weren't kinda sad.

Captain Dumbass said...

LOVE this one, Brian.

Nancy said...

So right!

LadyFi said...

I love both poems!

Joanna Jenkins said...

As they say "If Mama ain't happy, no one's happy".
Nice job Brian. Have a great week,
jj

ivanl@creativewriting.ca said...

Excellent.

Solipsism over here though.

I am not a Pisces, but I read somewhere in a dada astrology chart that pisces like to roll in shit.
I think I am Pisces.
It's my familiar substance and I will roll in it all I want. :)

Devika said...

Brian with your permission a response to

Ivanl, You say you ARE a pisces or You are not a Pisces...couldn't make out, except your wish to roll in shit! :)

My interest was about Piscean characteristic...

i am a Piscean and I haven't come anything like that..except that Pisceans are comfortable in or near water....Anyway, information we keep adding....Knowledge (of the self) is farway?

wishes,
devika

tattytiara said...

They're both good, but the obstinate snout's definitely a keeper!

Devika said...

And Brian-- I was reminded of this quote when it comes to issues of right and wrong and human ego --found it very relevant and humorous, :)

"I agree that I may not be right always, but I am never wrong"

wishes,
devika

jingle said...

It depend on what kind of case u r dealing with.
I don't intend to lower the self-esteem of anyone, thus who is right and who is wrong will not bother me for long, most of the time,
both r right.

U have a nature in short story writing.
Thank U for the fun!
I enjoy your work more and more...


Best!

Protege said...

I love them both, maybe the second one a bit more.;)) I love the way you write; you are like Hans Christian Andersen - bringing up the subtle and the flawed in humanity, using the analogies of short *fairy tales*.;)
xo
Zuzana

Nessa said...

The difference is fascinating. Thanks for sharing them both.

Mad Hatter

Lorraine said...

Both have a certain flavour that is most definetely you ;)

mo.stoneskin said...

I've never used my excrement to build anything, let alone castles, but that is a brilliant idea. I think. I'll run it by the wife...

Ocean Girl said...

Glad to know even you had to make drafts:)

The first one is you, the second one was clearly a draft (to me).

I wish I had learned some lessons earlier.

ShAKirA CHOONG said...

I like BOTH.
Really lively poems.

Have you a great week, Brian.

hugs
shakira

becky said...

haha, "I never wore tights'

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Truer words were never spoken! :)

Jessie said...

i enjoyed both versions Brian. sometimes i choose to be firm, right, and a total-itch, and other times i fall like a soft petal and hope i get caught...

warm smiles,

buffalodick said...

Right, or dead right?...

Meeko Fabulous said...

Wow! It was really neat to see the evolution of your work! :)

Ben said...

I actually like your original more. I like the image of being king of a lonely castle. Very compelling. I've often thought about this process, of being right at the expense of alienating the people we care about. It's a no win situation. Very cool poem.

whitewitch said...

It's the stupid pride at work again, causing havoc and breaking hearts. It is totally ridiculous how people are willing to trade their happiness and breaking the hearts of their loved ones just because they have to be "right" all the time.

Unknown Mami said...

I am an obstinate fool, pushing with all my might for victory because, "Damn it, I'm right!".

Unfortunately, winning that way always makes me wrong. Will I ever learn?

William Manson © 2010 said...

congrats on your award Brian :)

transparentnow? said...

so often i think the original thought is the best. i can't comment on the personal aspect but i think the original lines written in the bookstore were the real you.

gayle said...

I am always right~~ well at least that is what my husband said!!

Otter Thomas said...

Terrific post. Probably my biggest faults is my pride. I have been king of my own excrement pile many times, and it is never as fun as it seemed like it would be.

jaymiethorne said...

Impressive editing, kudos!

Pat said...

Interesting! This is a bone of contention between my husband and me. He seems to have a hard time admitting that I am right at times, yet I can tell him when I am wrong and he is right. I should print out your poem and paste it to the bathroom mirror!

Corrie Howe said...

There are so many consequences to being right which are not very pleasant. Like I tell my husband and son about certain intersections, you may be right that you have the right-of-way, but you'll be dead.
And as you say, you can be very lonely.