Welcome to another installment of Brotin Tales. This is part two. You really don't want to read this before you read Otin's part. It will make very little sense, so head over to Otin and see the amazing job he did setting this piece of fiction rolling.
____
All I ever wanted to do was prove that I was a man…and she robbed me of that. When they took us out of the house, we walked by the stain of what was left of my father, wondering what he thought now.
I can not imagine what you went through. That’s an awful lot process, can you give me a minute, the paper rim of the cup kisses my lips before realizing that even the coffee has grown cold in the shadow of the moment.
Do you think they will like my story? Martin drew a deep breath through his cigarette, exhaling smoke rings through the light of the window.
Martin, there is a way you can regain that opportunity…
Don’t start talking about making concessions! Everyone needs to hear my story, it could change people’s lives. Now you know what I am asking for, make it happen.
All I am saying is let’s give this story a happy ending, then everyone will like it.
You are just trying to beat me down like the rest of them. I will not lie. For once in my life I will take a stand. I am through giving in to bullies…
Martin, let me make a few calls…
No it’s too late for that…
Martin, you don’t want to…
Bang!
Slow and loud the gunshot rips through my ears, followed quickly by a cacophony of noise and a brilliant flash of light. Boots thud across the floor, voices loud, screaming, bodies moving, shuffling, a loud thwack as something soft and heavy hits the ground then silence…
Sir, target secure. One casualty, need medical assistance stat.
Help is on the way.
No hostages injured.
Absently the phone finds its cradle, though I don’t remember putting it there, later when my mind stops running a marathon. My feet seem to have a mind of their own, finding a path through the patrol cars and vehicles surrounding the bank, ignoring the rush of activity in the aftermath.
He did not try to steal anything, just wanted to show he was a man. The only life he took, his own, in the end.
Fingers tremble, trying to wipe the thoughts from eyes tired from hours of talking, staring at the broken windows, anticipating for resolution. Pausing at the rear of a van, I open the door, looking deep into the eyes that await my explanation.
I am sorry sir. I tried to save your son, but…
I will remember Martin’s father’s eyes in the darkest moments of sleepless nights and wonder just how much of Martin's story was true. No kid should ever feel they need to earn their fathers love and no man should ever hit their kid, even if they are the Chief of Police.
You did your best, his father’s smile leaves me standing in the afternoon sun, shivering.
Friday, January 22, 2010
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62 comments:
Wow, you took that to a dark place! You know me, I love dark places! That was phenomenal!
yeah, this one scares me a bit...
Holy. Hell.
You are good. Indubitably, undeniably, very, very good.
The rip current that spit you out miles from shore also gave you an ability that is beyond human. Swim on.
Whoa. Serious stuff on a Friday guys. But you had me on the edge of me seat.
Dark places, indeed. The younger the repression the more violent the regurgitation.
I love this collaboration series.
The intrigue, the evolution, all very exciting!
You're all dark and twisty tonight. Not where my mind went.
Well done - both of you!
Great job, both of you! This is why I missed my Internet sooooo, very much.
great job finishing it Brian. Fun to watch you take it that direction
This is the second time I've read a Brotin Tale and it is the second time I have come away fully satisfied. Nice job.
PG
I'm following from Follow Friday. You can find me blogging here: http://www.couponclippinmommy.com/
Damn.
Gulp! That took a dark turn.
Great job on the second half Brian. You guys are getting realllly good at this.
Thanks,
jj
WOW again... I love the 'br' and the 'otin'!
I'm sleeping with the lights on tonight!
Yowza.
Great job to the both of youse! I drink your milkshakes!
i've said this before, but you are one helluva storyteller. you should think in terms of writing a book you know...
Definitely Hitchcock material...have a great weekend!
Namaste
Wow! What an ending! Powerful story!
Hugs
SueAnn
This had some nice twists and turns. Yet, I was able to keep up and not feel you had manipulated the plot to get to your ending. I saw Leonardo DiCaprio in the cop role if this every gets made into a movie.
It is very intriguing that you two make this writing collaboration work out so well; it is not easy to be two people writing on the same story.
This was also a very thought provoking subject...
Have a lovely Saturday,
xo
Zuzana
i don't often go dark...but i do love a good stephen king and there are dark corners i am not afraid to tread into every once in a while. sometimes the bad guy wins, the creepiness is still there. i don't go there lightly.
too many of the kids i work with struggle with dad, even sometimes mom. to me those stories are the scarier than werewolves or vampires.
Deep, dark and well told. Leaves me mulling over all the hurt in Martin's life.
Yikes! That was amazing. Creepy! Really well done. You guys are both such great storytellers.
The Chief Of Police huh, what an example of blessed fatherhood. Totally the opposite of you, Brian. That is the only way you could pull this out is by thinking opposite.
You are certainly a talented writer. As I was scrolling down to follow, several sentences just leaped out at me! Impressive.
Isn't Follow Friday great! I am a new follower, and look forward to reading lots more of your great posts!
Bethany
Stop by and say hi!
Otin's rubbing off on you, isn't he? ;)
Your collaborations are always so intensely good, Brian! Nicely done! :)
Otin sent me, I am your newest stalker.
Awesome work!!!
Wow, I wasn't expecting that!
Holy crap!!! Chief of Police????!?!?!??!
Now THAT's an ending. Thwap!
oooh- great ending. Gave me chills
Holy crap! You guys did it again. Seriously, you guys need to write a book together besides each of you writing your own novels. Wow!
Brian, Brian, Brian - you've been drinking the kool-aid over at Otin's haven't you? Yowzer! What an ending! Great stuff here! You two go together like oreos and milk, like chips and dip, like coffee and cream......Keep 'em coming and we'll keep enjoying them!
Wow, my imagination had me all over the place as to where you two were going to bring this tale...
You surprised me with the ending.
You know that domestic abuse is very high with families and spouses of both policeman and of those in the armed forces? Its true...
and you saw it.
The two of you freak me out, lol. Did you guys meet through the net or are you like real life buds?
awesome fiction,
are you polishing your tools in order to go for formal publishing?
We need some thrill in life,
one can not get a tiger cub unless one takes the risk to get into the tiger mother's den...
thank you for sharing your talent.
cheers, ;)
otin and i met online. sometimes hard to believe. he challenges me definitely to think outside of the box. part of the fun is trying to surprise him with my ending.
excellent story brian action packed, did read the first part and this made it even better, well done..
Chief of Police?? That surprised me! Although, I shouldn't be surprised because I think there's quite a bit of it in that particular profession. :(
Thanks for another interesting story. I hung on to every word. It is sad to think that these are really just stories. And I'm sorry that you probably have some even darker tales which come from the kids which whom your work.
Oh you twisty two! I wasn't expecting Otin's Martin to be at home or old enough to smoke and certainly wasn't expecting the bully to be his father. You two have a knack for the twistathon!
Wow! Scary stuff. It is so cool the way you two work together. You both had me in total suspense. Loved it! Bravo!
That was such an awesome story! Well done!!!!
Interesting story :-)
Very great that you are working together !!!!
Have a wonderful weekend
(@^.^@)
Ooooooh I love twisty darky shit!
I think I like this Brotin thing!
You two rock. Yes, even Otin.
I accidentally told Otin he sucked. But I wasn't for real. So if you happen to run in to him, tell him I'm sorry. Because he doesn't suck. At least not today.
Ok I'm a little scared now. But I'm following you now. So glad that you joined Friday Follow.
Tami
http://www.heartsmakefamilies.com
not what i expected...i feel depressed now...
good one, youz guys
Damn you Poobra! hahaha!
Chilling! And thought provoking too. Great job, guys.
WOW, you both are really good and I thank you both for sharing your talent.....dark side or not I loved this story......:-) Hugs
that last sentence. sent a shiver through me, too. well done, Brian. what work do you do that you learn of this kind of thing? it sounds important work. (i can't think of anything more important than helping children of abuse...whenever i'd hear those stories on the radio or television when i used to watch it or read it in the newspaper, i would get so angry that i remained infertile while people who would abuse the gift of parenthood so badly were allowed somehow to have a child/children. anyone who hurts a child is inhuman, period.)
Come on, let's twist again!
Good job, Brian. That one did take some turns.
Y'all are fun.
If I didn't know better, I would have thought that you two switched identities and Otin wrote the ending to your beginning! I never saw it coming! You scared me with this one.
One after the other, week by week, story after story, Brian is Otin, Otin is Brian. Together they take excellence to a new level. Time and again. Someone has to report this to Oprah before her last show!
Scary... but a good one.. :))
Thanks Brian :)
Take care
have to pop over to Otin's!
i hope to be back later
Bravo ! Yea Dark can be just as interesting........
Amazing.
Twisted....love it.
You guys tango awesomely!
I write it a couple of times.
You definitely took the opening
and dance with it!
OMG, really good job!
What a production relationship you guys have!
Stay blessed!
hugs,
shakira
OH. Such a good tale! speechless
Great Brotin story!
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