bright light
blind,
she dreams
big city dreams
somewhere
over the rainbow
from her
small town
exile.
forgetting
who she was
chasing
who she is
becoming
concrete sidewalk
lost,
she dreams
cold nightmare
late night scenes
wondering
where her rainbow
went amid the
hustle.
remembering
who she was
hating
who she is
becoming...
chasing rainbows.
Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.
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94 comments:
Loved it!
I have been slack with visiting but now I've seen how well you write...I'll be back.
Thanks for your previous comments on my 55s.
"remembering
who she was
hating
who she is
becoming...
chasing rainbows."
That is powerful imagery and ideas. It is important to embrace where you are no matter how you diverged from your path.
I'm up too!
http://inappropriatesue.blogspot.com/2010/01/55-flash-fiction-friday-28-days-4-hours.html
Very good Brian! Is she a prostitute, or just a lost soul? I read it as prostitute.
NOthin like a long walk to clear one's head. :)
Sometimes the thought of a 'Pot-O-Gold' is all that keeps one going.
Excellent 55 Brian.
Thanks for your help and support, You da Man!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
It makes me think of a teen runaway and the life she thought would be better but isn't.
blueviolet, you are spot on with where my mind was drifting...
Great poem! I know, not very original comment, but I did love it! :)
Rainbows or grass, the colors are rarely brighter. I was here once and read your post but I was so enraptured I forgot to comment.
Maybe it's not rapture...guess it could just be old age.
Sad!!!
Loved the way you wrote this 55.
PG
Wasn't sure what direction you were thinking here until I read the comments...now that makes the rainbow seem more blue.
Oh, it has so many layers, so evocative.
That could have been about me as a teen. This one hit close to my heart.
Stop talking about me...
I really enjoyed this! Don't think I would be up to the challenge though.
Nice.... :)
it's me
The time wasted chasing a rainbow, the grass is always greener on the other side kind of thing....so sad yet so true with many people today. Love this Brian.....:-) Hugs
This is very nice. I'll have to try it some time. Lovely.
remembering who she was hating who she is becoming...
our past and our future are interlocked...because of my past, i am who i am, so i accept it, along with the mercy that brought me to this day
great 55 as always; beautiful and polished.
Hmmm - made me think of the ambitious, career-driven young woman who finds out the bright lights and big city are not all that her fantasy promised.
Well done Brian!
hmmmm I relate to this quite a bit.
This could have been written about me back in the day. :) It took me a long time but I did find my rainbow. :)
Brian, I really like this one. Gosh, alot of what you write feels like me in some places. Are you spying on me?!? ;)
Sounds like she is home sick..
Loved it!!
wow, so much in so few words, I'm learning from you
less of the verbiage for more action!
Ugh. Well done, but so sad. I hate disappointment. Especially when it's disappointment with something I thought I wanted so muchly.
Another great piece.
-smarmoofus
love it. One day soon I will have to try a story in 55. with the grants I write, the shorter ones are harder to tell the story.
very nicely done!
55 words?
Could I just ramble a bit? It's what I do best. :-)
Pearl
Well done! Many layers of meaning, so people can interpret it many different ways depending on their own personal experience.
I like it. :)
My Friday 55 is up too, right here. :)
A beautifully crafted piece, Brian! Sometimes chasing our dreams can lead to hardship, but it's all about growth ultimately. I think we were on a similar wavelength today! My 55 is up.
i gather we now know who holds the pot o' gold...
While reading this, I pictured a homeless young girl in her early 20's sitting in an alley of a large city, curled up to protect herself, hiding from the life going on around her. She is rocking back and forth, crying and wishing she could go home, back to the way things were.
Okay, enough of that sadness to think of, and to realize that there are so many runaways lost in our big cities. Their dreams shattered.
One can also wonder why this still goes on today. When will teenagers realize that they are not invincible. Big sigh!!!
God bless.
Oh I almost forgot, at least when I wanted to escape, I joined the Army. I think this is what makes me one of those people who believes that all young people should serve at least two years in the military unless they are going to college. And just possibly this might put an end to all these runaway children and the horrible life ahead of them. Maybe this might prepare them with the abilities to face the big bad grown up world out there.
Life is tough, young adults need to be toughened up and there is no better place to do this then in the military. Well except for if my mom was raising them. She makes the military seem like a vacation.
God bless.
Succint and lovely!
Is the grass always greener? You only know if you cross over to find out. My 55 is here.
Lovely words...
It's amazing to me how much emotion you can pack into just a few words.. a specific number of them, no less. Lovely
hating is such a strong word glad that I don't use it people need to understand life is simply to short for hate. I'm posted also just follow the links provided below.
Crows Cawing
There's a sadness to this one. Wonderfully written.
As enchanting as rainbows are, it is important to realize they are an illusion in light.
Beautifully poignant in so few words.
Have a great Friday,
xo
Zuzana
Very nice way of saying to me "careful of your dreams" they may not be what you want because you carry the dreamer with you.
ohhh lovely! you really rock at this 55 deal b.
xxm
Big City gal...hope as she is walking the concrete, chasing her dreams she isn't becoming a street WALKER!
My FF55 is fiction to some, but to others not so. It's...
HERE
[scroll down below my pencils sketches to find "The Shaft-a"]
I feel sorry for this gal, and at one point in my life I could relate.
In only 55 words you have created a picture worth a thousand words.
Well done
That's a little melancholy.
Awesome post! We all seem to chase rainbows at one point or another in our lives...
i know this person ... i LOVED this post!!!
warm smiles always,
Unfortunately, too many young girls think the big city is the place where all dreams come true. In some cases, it does and you sure hate to tell someone not to dream.
But it seems your girl went to the big city and did not find her dreams, or they weren't realistic and now she's stuck in a very bad place.
Sad story. And nobody could have told her otherwise....that's the sad part. The young don't listen, even if they're lucky enough to have people who love them.
Do I sound old? I am.
this is my favorite...hits the mark...tells it all in only 55 words. wow. Sarah
The life she thought we be better until she lived it. Kind of a long and sad road some of us have gone down a few times. Deep thoughts today.
I still love Kermit the Muppet's version of "The Rainbow Song"..It keeps me young!
55 words.
that's brilliant.
This poem reminds part of me,
witty,
creative,
delightful
poem.
I almost think you're at your best when you work within these kind of constructs. This is excellent.
I imagined her running by the sidewalk chasing a flickering light the she fell and the light disappeared taking her hopes with it.
Oh wow. This one's gorgeous -- but you know I expect that coming to your blog Brian, you capture such moments so well.
That's just where my daughter is, starting out and full of dreams -- and I don't like knowing what might be ahead for her. Just crossing my fingers and telling her she's doing great LOL
My 55's up too.
this i know... great 55!!!
fortunately it's never too late to start over
The story of a starlet. Well done.
A slim and powerful tale well told.
When I bounce between past and future it sometimes blurs enough to make me stop and look at this moment. Sometimes I forget that this moment exists.
Reminds me of a friend . . . Chasing a dream and hating who she is becoming in the process.
Reminds me of the young people who head to Hollywood hoping to be discovered and become famous and end up on the street with all the other throw aways. Sad.
This is so sad! I love the opening lines.
You brought back memories of wanting to get away from home and make my mark when I was 18. Ah..some dreams come true, some luckily do not.
That was great Brian!
So beautiful and so sad at the same time. It discusses one of the poignant and painful experiences most of us go through when we deviate from the path of our ambitions and wander into uncertainty.
This was sort of sad but well done my friend. You write so well. Have a wonderful weekend :)
brilliant poem here Brian, good imagery, loved the short simple technique used.take care.
I LOVE IT
I go also try it :-)
You are a fantastic writer...
Have a wonderful weekend
(@^.^@)
You sure do capture the feeling of being swept into a life that is far from desired. Gritty and real.
What's with Otin and hookers?
Elegant, under-stated and fantastically poignant...chasing rainbows; what a lovely saying!
Wonderfully potent stuff!
i have been this very girl
I like it, you've put so much emotion, and evoked so much imagery, in just 55 words.
Great 55. It has to be to get 80 comments.
I love these 55's!
Man! That is something else! I LOVE it!
We dragons always marvel at how you humans lose yourselves.
Great 55
I always enjoy your writing for this exercise!
Those were 55 powerful words.
Great job.
jj
Is there really something wrong with chasing?
I finally made it here!
Don't we all chase something at times, only to discover it wasn't exactly what we thought. Well done!
And WOW!Seriously WOWie that one!:)
You convey such powerful images. Haunting. Loved the last part.
striving to be someone and having achieved that we want to be someone else or something more. this one's for everyone.
I've felt like this before, in between, unsure of who you really are and who you are becoming. Hard place to be.
Ahhh.. the classic: be careful what you wish for....
I think most young people think the city is where to go and long to go there and some do it and make it....
some do it and hate it....
some do it and get lost there....
Great piece!
I can relate to this one. Great job :)
Jen
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