Pale, the horse bearing it's dark rider pushes its way through my door, carrying with it King Vitamin cereal.
Blue fuzzy pajamas slip slide on the glossy finished wood kitchen chairs, as I wiggle in the uncomfortable light of morning. My aunts house feels strange, being here so early for breakfast with my cousins. King Vitamin reigns from the middle of the table, amusing us with the stickers once hidden under the kernels of cereal, now adorning the box like graffiti. This is the day a grandparent dies, yet I am too young to really understand the cold touch of those skeletal fingers.
Death forgoes its equine friend, when next we meet, choosing instead a shiny red firetruck.
Crisp uniforms stand at attention, lining asphalt roads, holding traffic at bay as we parade passed crowded intersections. I watch them watch me through the window of the car, in my new suit. It never felt so tight, constraining each breath that is lost with each hand raised in honor. This is the day another grandparents dies, and the touch still sends shiver every time I meet a fireman, and remember.
Clip, clop, clip, clop...I hear him come so many a time, taking mothers, children, friends...leaving only history in his wake.
Try as we may, we can not keep his hand away, only keep him from strangling the life out of those left living. Choosing to live on in memory, rather than walking dead in his shadow.
About Me
- Brian Miller
- Married to the most amazing woman and dad of two adventurous boys. I am figuring out what life has in store next. Enjoy the journey.
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62 comments:
My grandfather is buried at Arlington. He had horses bring his casket. Nicely done..
Namaste
Ah Brian, you and me! I love your stuff, my friend.
No, we cannot keep him at bay. Memories. We become only memories.
I like this. The last comment about walking in the shadow made me think. Sometimes, when people lose a loved one, they walk so close in that shadow, maybe out of guilt because it wasn't them or because they feel they can't go on.
And yet we must! It's the memories we make while living that keep us around long after the shadow has come for us.
Very well written.
The other day I heard a cool... um... lesson teaching thingy. Completely zoning on the word for those. A teacher was dying, and his students were lamenting, and told him that they weren't ready for him to leave. He said "Leave? Where would I go?"
All these encounters presage our future....a warning...to prepare...for the inevitable. And while we wait, we fight to ward off an inopportune arrival.
Your 'clip, clop, clip, clop' was haunting Brian.
I'm applauding.
Sounds like the reaper. Rarely fair and often random in who he decides to collect, riding in on his pale horse!
Great stuff!
very, very well done.
xx
How good you are to recall one of your grandparents' death time,
when we think about death in sight, we can become nicer, friendlier, and we cherish life more than ever.
Thank you for sharing part of your pain deep down and wish you a sweet evening. Peace with your grandparent,
Love be with you and your family.
Older family members dying are memories for most of us. I like the way the memories are shared in this post. I really like the very last line
"Choosing to live on in memory, rather than walking dead in his shadow." That is a really great line.
everyone - i may just start leaving a title and let you comment...i love the way your stories flavor the post, adding wisdom and thought...
My Father-in-law will pass away any day now. He is one of the best men I have ever known and is leaving a great legacy behind with his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Over the past few weeks it is as though he is living between 2 different worlds-just waiting for the right moment to say goodbye to us in this world. But he will live forever.
mama face...one i did not include was Ts mom...it was a long process and hard...especially that last night. he will live forever...thoughts and prayers.
I thank you Brian.
What a beautiful post ♥
Your writing, my friend, is beyond brilliant ~ seriously!
I actually "feel" something when I read your posts... what an incredible gift you have.
Always look forward to reading your blog!!!
I was a bit mesmerized, transported, watching the parade, horses and uniformed people enriching the occasion.
How we connect things in one big web is remarkable.
leaving history in his wake ?
for crying out loud, brian.
leave some words for everyone else.
Bry, I don't know why I said that, and I don't know how you write to so many of us in one day. This goes hand in hand with my poems, thank you for sharing.
you understand yourself and your boys well, that makes you a good dad. I am trying to be a good mom.
"only keep him from strangling the life out of those left living. Choosing to live on in memory, rather than walking dead in his shadow." very cool. I hope someone writes about me as beautifully as you do someday.
Thanks for the light and the dark.
Some powerful writing here I'm new to your blog. A self confessed autobiographer, I am interested in the ways people tell their stories and very pleased to come to your blog via Bonnie's.
Personally I intend to live forever. Or at least until I get tired of it. ;)
This made me shiver. The pajamas and cereal . . . it felt so close.
Just got back from the hospital where my MIL has been diagnosed with bronchitis. Thankfully, we think she'll be fine (or fine as it relates to her). Still, your story gives my pause to remember all who have gone on before me.
Yes, I do remember when my great grandmother died when I was very young. The air so heavy even though all of us cousins were together. Our usually righteous play squelched by our parents.
Brian,
"My aunt's house feels strange"
I wonder if we all have vague memories like this of being like strangers in a house we knew something was terribly amiss in childhood, like the death of a loved one? I can recall moments of feeling like this!
Brian - your writings always make me think, go to those deep places I didn't think I had. Thank you for reminding me. I know am thinking of those who I lost long ago, as I was a child. Missing the time I had with them, and the many many years I didn't get.
Reading this made me feel I was right there.
Like my grandfather told me, a long time ago, it's the memories that makes a man invincible.
Great work, this.
touched a still raw nerve. lost one of my grandparents ust a few days back...
may they have peace, the souls of the departed.
'chosing to live on a memory'... much rather than sinking with it. have a happy new year brian!
Ahh! Memories! That is our legacy...are longevity! Thank you for your words. I was in the car...I felt the tightness of the suit.
Happy New Year
Hugs
SueAnn
Well said Brian.
It's amazing to remember how death made us feel as children compared to how we view it as adults. I remember going to so many funerals for relatives when I was young.
Thank you for sharing your incredible gift with all of us in the blogosphere.
I hope you and your lovely family have a wonderfully blessed New Year.
You drew a very vivid image of how you see death with the description of those that seem to be unrelated things that ended up to be a delicious mix of flavor that added to the reflections that you showed.
Z
So well written!!! It reminds me of the deaths and funerals that took place when I was too young to grasp what was really going on...
You can do big work in a small amount of space Brian. This is a great way to share a memory.
Those days stand out in my mind as well. One of the most viid was my gardnfathre's funeral at Arlington, with an actual rider-less horse. Very moving.
Beautiful writing, Brian!
The cycle of Life is a hard lesson to learn..
Wow.. good one Brian, great job.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
The Bach
Wonderful writing!! Hope you have a blessed and Happy New Year!!
Deep thoughts, well spoken....
a well-written memory. i really enjoy the ink that flows from your pen (actually the pecking of your fingers on the keyboard)...
exceptional!
warm smiles,
Being young and innocent. Such a LONG time ago for me. I can scarcely remember it. You caught it rather well, Brian.
Nicely done Brian. It's in the details.
Happy New Year to you and your family. Wishing you all the best in 2010.
Brian, I think this is the best post I've ever read here. I'm tearing up, it was extremely powerful. Wonderful job, you are such an amazing writer. You are a master at setting the mood. I'm speechless.
Your words are always so incredibly powerful. Wonderful.
My grandparents died before I was born and can't even imagine how foreign it would seem to be at a funeral as a small kid. Although, I think I would remember the stickers and stiff suit like you portrayed in your story. It would be easier to remember that then make sense of the day.
I love the way this piece opens Brian.
Your reader's comments are fantastic!
Happy New Year!
Brian, you took my breath away with this one. So haunting with death imminent and lurking and inevitable. So innocent with the young ones around the table, not really knowing or sensing or feeling.
Brian I see I have a lot of catching up to do...waiting for the full energy and concentration to help the process!
Wishing you and your family much health wealth and happiness in 2010!
This was nicely done, and I'm sorry for your loss, of course. It's wonderful to remember those we have lost, at least they live forever in our hearts. No man (or by implication, woman, thank you very much) is dead until they are forgotten.
You'll have to forgive me Brian, as you don't know me at all -- I popped over from Hilary's Smitten Image -- and I do have a very irreverent sense of humor.
This post inspired a funny thought: I wonder if Death has a good sense of humor? For all we know he's marvelous company, quite witty, and a charming companion, but no one is ever pleased to see him.
I guess I thought that because Death is something we all have in common, that feeling of universal sadness that we all feel when the subject comes up. It does matter if Death is a delightful fellow, he's never a welcome visitor.
Your early images of death are very touching.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
Hey...I made the top 100 in commenting on this one... ;)
Well, my blog roll starts anew tomorrow. I'd be honored if you participate again in 2010. Leave a comment and you're on the blog roll! Thanks for visiting and commenting in 2009.
Hey! Happy 2010! Hope all is well now, or better at least.
Beautifully done, Brian. You have real talent. Happy New Year!
I love this. So poignant, chilling, heart-wrenching and uplifting all wrapped up in beautiful words. Nicely done!
Happy New Year, Brian - looking forward to many more wonderful words from you in 2010. ;)
Amazing.
I look forward to 2010 and visiting you.
Minimalist. Neat.
I like your blog.
trustyourtechnolust.blogspot.com
That really is how it feels, too. Great piece.
this is a beautifully written and haunting piece. Thanks for sharing.
I still hang onto so many memories of my grandparents.
This will sound strange to hear, but I have had the privilege to hold the hands of my parents and my husband's parents as each one, one by one, passed away. And it was a privilege to see their very last moments here with us on earth. Surrounded my loved ones, the air palpating with that love.
You so hate to let them go, but you must...
With my father, I literally SAW his spirit leave and a swirl of air float towards the ceiling in the hospital, and he gave a hard squeeze to my hand just seconds before. I was in awe and I know from that experience that we will meet again...
very enjoyable!
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