Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Theme Thursday: Castle

Anguished sobs leak from the phone, like a needle pushed deep into my ear...Where are you?

I am at jail...

Moonlight paints the world grey beneath the coal black blanket of the night sky, a wave and a kiss chase her red tail lights down the asphalt. Tires fall into their well worn groove cut by many a trip to her parents, humming a traveling tune as the miles slip away.

A tire must have slipped off the road, sucking into the mud, throwing the car end over end...blue lights cast an eerie palor across his profile, glinting off his badge.

Yellow lines mark the way, sometimes dotting and dashing in morse code, calling her home. Rains had lashed the days before, replenishing the earth with a much needed drink, but now it is clear and the stars blink their eyes as they watch her slip through the mountain pass.

Ma'am, if you have any drugs in the car, I will take them...greasy hair tucks under green RED MAN hat, as he peers into eyes peeking out from the wreckage.

Everything slows as the earth spins out of control, hood over trunk the car tumbles like a domino down the length of the median. Wrenching screams pierce the frame, bending glass, whipping her body into a frenzied dance...then everything stops except the crickets.

cricket...cricket...cricket...

Fingers of carpet grind like glass into bended knees, a king trapped in his castle, so far from his queen, slowly realising he is not in control...letting his crown roll to the feet of the one that is.

Castle.

73 comments:

Brian Miller said...

Ts wreck happened the first year of our marriage...if there was a humorous part is was the reaction of the trucker that found her ...looking for drugs...she walked away with nothing but a scratch on her knee and the shell of a camry...

liza said...

That's one lucky girl. Thank God she came out okay. It sounds absolutely awful!

Meeko Fabulous said...

Wow! I'm glad everything worked out and that she walked away unscathed. That was a very dramatic story. Very realistically written. I couldn't help but picture myself there.

lakeviewer said...

Oh, you make us hang on a thread, each description delaying the inevitable bad news, the carnage that it foreshadows. Glad to know that she walked off without many injuries. You were all given a scare.

The truck driver searching for drugs broke the narrative.

A lot of this is too memorable to move on, needs to be taken in:
"yellow lines...dashing in morse code, calling her home."

You are a true artist.

Ocean Girl said...

They took her to jail, instead of the hospital, because she did not appear seriously hurt?

Scary. I always wondered if a near loss like this make a couple more cautious and grateful of each other.

staceyjwarner said...

Great story telling. Glad to hear she walked away with just a scratch.

I love your writing. Are you writing a book?

much love

Leah said...

Devastating.

And calls to mind the afternoon I got a similar phone call, Sarge had been in a terrible accident...and similarly okay, but that moment, so awful...

Alan Burnett said...

I never tire of your unique style.

Protege said...

You have a talent of describing a scene, making the reader feel as if "being there".
I am sure she must have felt incredible fear during those split seconds when all this took place.
Glad to hear that no one was hurt.
:)

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Brian, as well as being an incredible wordsmith, you are a master of suspense. I read riveted, wondering what happened . . . I'm waiting for your book!!!

willow said...

It's the phone call a parent dreads, and I've had a few of them, myself. Glad to hear your T was unharmed!

Hit 40 said...

The trucker is a riot!! I would love to see a poll of how many adults use drugs. I only see polls of how many teens take drugs.

Mama Zen said...

Wow!

only a movie said...

Yikes! Can't believe the trucker. Glad she is ok.

An Open Heart said...

would you write my descriptive essay for English due on monday?

Glad T was okay....I was holding my breath while reading....


S

kys said...

I'm glad she was ok! I've had more than a few wrecks myself.

Betsy said...

Yes, scary...and yes, we are not in control! ;) Glad all was ok...amazing about the truck driver. Maybe he was trying to help...get them off the scene so she wouldn't be incriminated.

tattytiara said...

That was uncomfortably kinetic to say the least. Very vivid.

otin said...

I know that you draw from personal experience, so you really had me worried there! Whew!

Kulio said...

I knew it had to be a true story! yeah you painted it.

big
phew.

Ronda Laveen said...

Oh, you had me @ "waving at her tail lights." U know how love a good car story. Glad it had a happy ending...well except for the Camry.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big sigh when I read your comment. I'm glad everything worked out okay. That had to have been VERY scary.

IB said...

I never know quite what to say after reading one of your posts. Is that a compliment? I hope you see it as such because that's how it is meant.

Your writing is sincere and honest and so heartfelt. My brain flat-lines and all I can think to say is: Bravo, B.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

This sounded horrible and I was afraid of the outcome until I read your comment. How lucky she was to have come away unscathed. But then, she most likely wasn't other than physically but I imagine mentally, it is still alive.

Maggie said...

Wow, that is very scary! Amazing how you can describe such a scene!

Glad everyone was, OK.

AngelMay said...

I'm very glad you explained that. And very glad she walked away (mostly) unhurt.

blueviolet said...

That gave me shivers. Car accidents get under my skin so easily.

smiles4u said...

Wow. Thank God it ended well. Great post.

Brian Miller said...

ocean girl, they did take her to jail...getting the call from your wife, in jail, in the middle of the night...yeah...they took her there to wait because she was an hour and a half away..from me one way and her parents the other...

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

What a fortunate young lass she was! And you, sir, write brilliantly.

Skip Simpson said...

Every week you manage to top yourself! Great artistry with words! I sincerely wish I could write as well as you do, my friend. Great post, and "Happy TT!"

JeffScape said...

New tires: $200.00

EMT bill: $450.00

Good samaritan willing to "hide" the evidence: Priceless!

Kay said...

You are one powerful writer... i look forward to reading the books....?

Brian Miller said...

kay, i just had a friend drop me an email tonight about publishing...perhaps soon...

...mmm... said...

What's up with all these peeps writing TT and posting on Wednesday? trying to beat the rush, eh?

Another unique twist. I don;t know how you do it.

Accidents have ways of humbling us and allowing us to face our own mortality, don't they?

e said...

Wow. I'm so sorry she went through that. She was indeed fortunate, as are you and the boys.

Great writing...you had me on the edge just waiting...

gaelikaa said...

Chess allusion?

TechnoBabe said...

This is good writing, you take an incident and write in such a way that we go on an adventure. Nothing is a simple incident. Amazing way to write.

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Scary stuff to begin with, and then you cut it into a chunk of words that are more like picigrams. -Jayne

reyjr said...

Whoa! I was imagining it to be worse than it actually was. lol. Thanks for the follow up explanation. Haha.

But i do get that feeling of helplessness when you are so far away from the people you love and they need you. Badly.

Great job on another Theme Thursday!

Here's my take on the castle theme: Reyjr.com

Daniel said...

Yikes! Quite an adventure. I am sure that your wife did all of this on purpose so that you might have something to write about years later. I can't think of any other logical explanation.

Lorraine said...

Thank God! imagine...love the way you described it

Jill said...

A SMOOTH reminder for me to let MY crown STAY at the feet of the ONE in charge.
EXCELLENT and thought provoking!

Valerie said...

Oooo I was on tenterhooks with this one, Brian. Thank goodness everything turned out all right.

California Girl said...

Many of us are taking the princess route...not YOU! A different perspective for sure.

Poetikat said...

What a story!

I find your great skill, Brian, is in your descriptive passages: "chase her red tail lights down the asphalt", "Rains had lashed the days before", "body in a frenzied dance". This is what really puts your readers in the picture. This is why your followers are many. (This and the humanity you bring to each piece.)

Barb said...

Wow. You can really paint a picture. You have amazing talent.

Brian Miller said...

cali, i dont fit in a princess dress all that well...lol.

barb and kat, ty. i like to play...

dreamhaven said...

wow, that had me on the edge of my seat. I'm so glad it didn't end badly for T.

Happy TT

clean and crazy said...

you have an amazing gift with writing. what a wonderful venue to be able to share and release yourself from this pain. if there were drugs and alcohol involved i hope this was her last.

Jasmine said...

So glad she was not seriously hurt. i love your writing.

R.J. Edwards said...

As always, your writing just blows me away. I can't wait to see you published - and I have no doubt you will be.

tony said...

Every Castle Has A Dungeon .It's What Defines Them........

Kate Hanley said...

Such an interesting take on the theme. So glad to know she walked away but boy it must have been scary.

Dot-Com said...

That was one very lucky escape!

Wings said...

Scary stuff. Glad it turned out to be just a scratch! Great piece.

enchantedoak said...

Brian, you have a gift. Your narrative starts with a powerful simile, and builds from there. You're a natural at this. I'd like it if you came to visit me again.

Nessa said...

Amazing story. You have some really great images in there.

Dona Nobis Pacem & Thursday Thirteen

Colette Amelia said...

your writing leaves me dazzled! I am so glad that T was safe! yes how easy our safety is disrupted when we least expect it.

And no matter how much we fortify ourselves there is always risk.

The Retired One said...

Incredible story,Brian. You had me on the edge of my seat........I kept hoping all would turn out ok.

...mmm... said...

Jsut checking back to read more of the comments and takes on your writing here. Wow--60 of them!

CatLadyLarew said...

Glad to hear she made it back to the castle relatively unscathed... even if the camry was a little worse for wear.

Brian Miller said...

clean and crazy, there wasn't any real drugs or alcohol...except maybe the ones the trucker was imagining...

G-Man said...

Holy Shit...63 comments during the week?
Do you work?
Anyway....55...soon....Be there!!

Megan said...

Was the car a total loss? I'm sorry, you might have said it in there somewhere but I can't possibly read 64 comments right now!

:)

Happy TT and happy T to make it out of that okay!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

My sister was in a car accident when we were teenagers. The driver of the car passed out while driving and the crash was so close to our house that I heard it happen. It could have been a lot worse and no one died but their 4 lives were changed forever.
I'm glad that T's wreck was minor. It's still scary!
Smiles!

derailed hippo said...

I liked the falling crown at the end. Sort of like finally giving up.

Pat said...

Powerful imagery going on here. Glad she survived the accident.

Mrsupole said...

I imagine that after the accident, when you watched those tail lights going down the road, that you experienced just a pang of fear. I know it has been many years, but I think you will never forget the moment you received that call. It is as if you never forget that you will have cause to worry. But truly the worry never stops, because when the boys start driving you will worry then too. But that is when trust becomes so important. Trust that you have taught them well. Then just when you think you can stop worrying again, there comes the grandkids. I just think it is an endless cycle when you love your family. An endless cycle that you hope never ends.

God bless.

Candie Bracci said...

Magnificent!And yes glad to hear that she went out of that accident without a scratch.

Marianna said...

what a story! At least her health was unharmed...

xoxo

Mar said...

Glad about the happy ending, loved the description of the night... beautiful!!

Baino said...

Wow I thought it must have happened you describe it with such realism. Terrifying but an interesting perspective on the theme. Thank goodness she's OK. My one and only car crash was in the rain as well but no real damage, I just slid into the car in front!