Thursday, November 12, 2009

55 - tapestry [PG-13]

she cuts
creating tapestries
to her pain
on alabaster
canvas
inside
her arm...

she bleeds,
releasing steam,
like pricks
atop the
pie crust
to let
it breathe...

she dreams,
pulling one scar,
like thread,
watching
her life
unravel,
on the floor...

she cries
go away
while really
screaming
notice me
so
she cuts.

to understand.

Tell a story in 55 words. Want to give it a try, or just read more, go see g-man.

Sorry if this one was a bit intense. This is another of those things that break my heart and is more prevalent than many realise, particularly among teens. We were never meant to walk alone. If you or someone you know is cutting, please talk to someone.

95 comments:

otin said...

That was pretty intense! It is terrible what people will do to be noticed.

Chef Kar said...

Brian ~ this one hits just a bit too close to home. It's not just teens, my friends ~ and it's not just to get noticed...the pain is deeper than the cuts that leave behind the scars ~ which become the reminders of what was, what could have been and can be with the proper help.

Extremely well done.


I'm up:

Friday Flash 55 ~ Delete

and the story behind it,

Facebook: Fertile Ground for Manipulators

Brian Miller said...

thanks for being real with us chef...it does go much deeper than being noticed...i rewrote this one several times...each with a different story from another person...

myrtle beached whale said...

all too true. well said.

Susan at Stony River said...

Oh no--you did capture that one so closely, right from the inside. Nobody knows what others suffer behind closed doors or a smile, and you're right, we should notice; and when it's us we should reach for help.

I just loved this. Brave and wonderful.

smarmoofus said...

Wow. Powerfully written. You have a real knack. And, yes... intense is the right word.

I'm up, as you've already seen.
-smarmoofus

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

"she cries
go away
while really
screaming
notice me
so
she cuts."

Yes, to be visible, to be validated, to have purpose, to have another know of your pain, your joy, your confusion, your need, your desire...and even a remaining dream, this so consistently voiced, sometimes in silent screams, by many who have come to avail themselves of the supportive services I render as an Educational Therapist. Brian you have said it - I see those who live it - Thank you for a knowing message...

clean and crazy said...

my daughter went through this after my mother died. it will be 2 years now come january. it is very, very tough, but it needs to be made aware.

Jaime said...

my ex was a cutter. said he did it just to be able to feel something. it's amazing what you overlook because you don't want to...

Bubbie said...

Thanks for bringing back a memory when a co-worker explained to me what the scars on her arm were. I liked your analogies - gave me a even a different level of understanding. Very nicely written, Brian. Good insight.

Meeko Fabulous said...

I recently found out that two of my friends are cutters. I was so sad. They're seeking help though, thank goodness.

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

It used to be a deep dark secret. Now there are cutters everywhere. Usually the reasons go much deeper than wanting to be noticed. Many cutters, in fact, cut in places where their wounds will not be seen. Many cut just to feel, many say they cut to release the pain, or to release what they see as the 'bad'.

The self-hatred runs deep and far in this culture and cutting can be a manifestation of self-hatred in the form of self-mutilation. It is a very serious problem and must not be taken lightly.

blueviolet said...

Terribly sad when this happens, but it's becoming so common. :(

Kulio said...

heartrending!

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

So many middle schoolers into this. Very troubling. Very heartbreaking.

Brian Miller said...

bonnie, thanks for bringing it home as well...long sleeves in the summer...lots of places to hide...scary stuff...

thanks for all of you sharing your stories...

An Open Heart said...

Beautifully done....this hits close to home....when I discovered my sister was hurting herself, it broke my heart.....she's getting help now.


S

Susan Anderson said...

That was a beautifully written piece. Thanks for sharing and for visiting mine. Have a great weekend.

Alice Audrey said...

*Shiver* Powerful. Well done!

Daniel said...

I have certainly read about this but have never known anyone who did this (that I know of). When I was a student, we released the pain by drinking and smoking way too much. We all have our ways. I'm clean today, but tomorrow is another day. A day to be vigilant, or a day to give in...

Prayer Girl said...

Only too true!!!

I cut as a young person (with my fingernails) and I kept it hidden like I kept my feelings and thoughts hidden. That was one of the ways I was able to keep everything under wraps.

Thanks for this 55.
PG

smiles4u said...

I read this and just like that, I stepped back in time to a time oh so long ago that I had almost forgotten. But, one really doesn't ever forget stuff like this.

I think of all the reasons why. I remember having to wear long sleeve shirts in the summer to cover up my arms and jeans to cover my legs. I rarely went more then 2 days without doing it, yet not one of my parents or siblings knew...and they still don't know today.

It was a release and you are right, I just wanted to breath and get out the ugly pain inside...and most likely deep down it was a scream for help. Because I am sure I wanted someone in my family to notice I was bleeding all over the place. Sadly, I think they were too busy bleeding all over the place themselves to notice.

I knew few others that did it. In fact, I didn't know anyone else that did it until a couple of years after I started. I picture myself as this young girl cutting herself and it makes me very sad.

Excellent writing Brian.

kys said...

Whoa. I have known some people who were cutters. And I never "got it" for the longest time. You expressed their motivation very well.

enchantedoak said...

I was a cutter once. Painted my kitchen with blood. It was a crazy period. It would be another six months before I realized I was an alcoholic too. There's treatment for the dually addicted these days. They call it DRA: Dual Recovery Anonymous.
You win my eerie 55 award today.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

You have so much insight with your words......

MomsJournal said...

Sad that it takes that for some to take notice, and in some families it just incites more ridicule and pain. :(

Sandi McBride said...

We all need attention in one or another. Everyone creates their way to achieve it. Sad poetry...but lovely weaving of the pain all the same.
Sandi

Sande said...

There is a significance in feeling with your body the pain you feel in your heart ...

... there is also a significance that HE has already bled for us.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Heartbreaking. I've had a couple students do this...

AngelMay said...

Yes, intense.

Monkey Man said...

Very powerful. I have known her. My 55 is here.

VE said...

THis is about lumberjacks, right? All that cutting and such...

gaelikaa said...

Poetry or prose? But thought-provoking!

Ronda Laveen said...

Yes, it is more prevalent than many people realize. I don't get it, physically. I understand it, emotionally. As a bodyworker, I see all my clients without clothing. You can't hide cutting, anorexia, bullemia. But they are safe with me. I maintain confidentiality. And wait until they are ready to tell their story.

Joanna Jenkins said...

That was powerful.
Thank you.

anthonynorth said...

A powerful 55 today. Excellently done.

Protege said...

Very poignant and well written. I can feel the pain and despair here...
And I feel so much sadness knowing that some inflict so much pain onto themselves ...

Tom said...

sad stuff--children are so misunderstood and neglected; it's no wonder they misbehave when all they want is to be noticed and loved.

Hootin' Anni said...

Yes...yes....as you say, we are NEVER meant to walk alone.


My is now posted today - just scroll down a bit, below my show n tell Click Here

Nessa said...

Great 55. Sometimes we inflict one pain on ourselves to cover another.

Flash 55 - Blue Gill

Laszlo Brown said...

So sad.

Dr.John said...

Very thoughtful 55. One of the clients my daughter works with is a cutter. Very hard to help.

Jill said...

People act surprised and think that this is "new" in today's tortured society but in reality it has been an outlet/release/self punishment/self loathing for many many years for those that hurt deep...very, very deep. I see a great deal of this in my work.

Wings said...

Intense, indeed. You are good at the '55' thing. Never tried it myself. Not sure I could do it! :)

Jessie said...

intense -- but very well said!
beautifully done...in a very truthfully, sad way...

smiles,

Dulce said...

This somehow reminds me of my own 55 so much pain inside...

IB said...

Masterfully written, as usual, Brian.

My heart goes out to kids who, through no fault of their own, find themselves in this spiral of self-abuse.

Ms Hen said...

I heard about this... (hugs).. thanks for such a real viewpoint of it all. (hugs to those that do this... ) Is it just girls??

buffalodick said...

Well said. I try to understand why people do that, but end up just shaking my head.

The Retired One said...

So explosively sad.
Thanks for calling attention to a real syndrome that occurs with people.

Our minds are our own worst perpetrators aren't they?

TechnoBabe said...

They cut to feel.

Lorraine said...

Intense and so sad, and happening way too much...

Jessie said...

brian -- if you used to enjoy candid camera -- check out the show Scare Tactics on the Sci-Fi channel -- it's hilarious!!!

G-Man said...

I used to work on the girls wing in a secure detention facility. I understand this completely.
Great Job Brian. Thanks for being such an excellent supporter as well!
Hve a Kick Ass Week-End...G

swapnap said...

How sad! But well written flash 55.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Pretty powerful 55. Thank you for making us think and be aware once more of an issue that really does need more attention. Have a fantastic weekend and thanks for you commments over at my place.

Mama Zen said...

Brian, this is intense and heartbreaking. Beautifully written.

Akelamalu said...

Oh my what insight in your 55!

Incredible writing. :0

kerrycharacters said...

Powerful stuff! I just discovered the 55 club today and posted something on G-man's comment form.

You are an amazing poet. I will be following your blog.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Intense but a great PSA. I had never heard of this until a few years ago. You are right it is much more prevalent than most realize. And many times, it comes with another problem or two to compound the situation. So many are hurting.

Cat said...

amazing piece.
I am speechless.
my son cuts.
and I think this is partially why.

Travel & Dive Girl said...

True, but so well said.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Pain, pain go away
don't come back another day

The empty bottles and empty cartons are proof that there was a hole in my soul.

Pain from the abuse, hurt from one-sided love. The scars are many and they run deep.

Healing comes in time. Love fixes the hurt makes the pain go away.

(55)

Baino said...

I hear of it but I've never come across it. Such a sheltered life I live. Look at all the people in your comments who've experienced this. Terrible.

Barb said...

Wow. That was really intense. And beautifully done.

dopey1 said...

never knew anyone that did this...at least I don't think I did. But had a friend with an eating disorder and the pain she was hiding in that had nothing to do with her weight. Very sad! Scares me raising a daughter...or a son!!

The Things We Carried said...

Oh my gosh. This trend is heart wrenching!

Tall Kay said...

Another great 55 on a topic rarely discussed. I never knew anyone who cut until I got into recovery. So many of the girls I see are covered in scars. One girl told me she did it because it was pain that she could control. This behavior is usually only a symptom of a much larger problem. Thank you for having the courage to bring up a subject which is generally "taboo". Have a great weekend!

Mango Girl said...

That was very poignant.

roughruby said...

Thanks Brian. You've captured it deeply. There are as may reasons for self-injury as there are facets of a very dark gem. Each person has their own reason or reasons and all serve a personal purpose. You do not have to understand them or their reasons in order to help. Listen, express your concern and offer to help them get help. Let them know there are people out there who want to listen and want to help. http://www.selfinjury.com/ is a great place to find resources for self-injurers and those who care about them. Their toll free hotline is 800-DONTCUT. Self injury can also lead to thoughts of suicide. If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call 1-800-273-TALK.

only a movie said...

Ack. Close to home, this one.
Well done.

masterymistery said...

Hi Brian, thanks for stopping by Cosmic Rapture and for your comments. Yes, this one hits very close to home. Self-mutilation and eating disorders--Both of our teenage daughters. Notwithstanding all the professional help we have been able to access, the sadness continues. Read this poem dark sprite you will see what I mean.Worldwide accelerating trend of self-harm amongst teenagers. Like canaries in the coal mine, they are warning us the culture we have created for them has turned toxic.. What are we doing about it? Nothing.

Find the contents of your blog very interesting. I've added Waystation one to Cosmic Rapture's friends list (other domains). Hope you will do the same.

masterymistery at cosmic rapture

lakeviewer said...

Yes. Absolutely. Be present.

Blondie said...

So sad. I don't see as many cutters anymore as I used to. I teach high school, so I come into contact with a lot of teens with problems. Thank you so much for checking out my blog and for commenting on my Veteran's Day post. I hope you will stop by again soon. Have a great day! Kori xoxo

Thom said...

WOW...very very intense. Who knows what goes on behind close doors. This is just wonderful and well written :)

Sam!! said...

Such a thought provoking words... thanks for sharing Brian.. :)

May God bless you n ya family.

Regards,
Sam

lettuce said...

compelling images

Candie Bracci said...

That was really intense Brian and beautifully said.It's tough to be a teen,I know.Adults tend to forget later,it's like being between two world,not a child anymore,but not an adult yet,it's hard,well I really feel for all the parents who have lost their kids too.Cut,I've never done that,but I knew someone who did.I wanted to die once,but that was more of a cry for help than the will to really die.Teenagers,uh?It's already tough to be an adult,so a teenager!I understand them cause I never forgot how it was.Thank you Brian,I really like that piece of work.Have a nice weekend,you and your family.

DreamDancer said...

Very intense and sad... a need to feel something, to try to release the profound sadness in their soul. You wrote this very well, Brian.

Felicitas said...

Brian, you have painted such a clear picture of what it must be like to experience real pain. You have such a gift for casting light on issues that many people probably wouldn't see otherwise. Wonderful 55!

Gaston Studio said...

Intense, yes. I understand that way too many teens are doing this; so sad.

Rain said...

Hi Brian. I suffered that same problem, but it was a reaction to my burnout 6 years ago. I've been okay for just less than a year. In my case, it was to release adrenaline to ease panic attacks when the meds weren't strong enough. It worked every time, but because quite a crutch and was a challenge to "quit" so to speak. There are many reasons why people cut, in my case, it wasn't out of inner turmoil, it was a means to an end. I liked the way you wrote this because WAY too many people assume that teenagers do this to be cool or get attention, which is far from the reality.
:)

Cinnamon said...

it's hard to watch. there does not seem to be much help around for people who are going through this.

a hard-hitting 55 Brian.

staceyjwarner said...

This was great. Cutting is a physical manifestation of emotional pain that is "unseen" it makes the "unreal" real!

This is why I use to get tattoos!

much love

hope said...

Wow, she uttered quietly.

It is a scary topic but I'm glad you addressed it. As awful as the topic is, you drew me in and held my attention. Well done!

Beth said...

I've worked with several students (when I was teaching) who were cutters. They broke my heart.

This was a wonderfully told story.

Ace said...

Cutting is the worst!! The kids hide it very well under long sleeves.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

This really hit close to home...well right at home several years ago. I had one troubled teen who thankfully is a happy successful 23 year old..that tried to get attention this way. She tells me now that even though she wanted the attention, she realizes that she got far more than her brothers and sisters and doesn't understand why she even thought of doing it. Fortunately, it was short lived. Good 55!

Kathleen said...

I have cleaned up the bloody arms, legs, and shoulders of a cutter many, many times. I'm told it's often part of a terrible triad--alcohol abuse, bulimia, and cutting. As I've been told, abuse of substance leads to shame. The cutting seems to be a way to relieve the disassociative effects that spiral out of control once the shame gets a foothold, to feel the body again. The cutter I know did a remarkable job of hiding it for many many years and then confided in me. So, so heartbreaking.

Beautiful way to raise awareness, Brian.

Mona said...

wow! Some attention seeking that! Great piece!

Vodka Logic said...

well said..my daughter started but hopefully we have got it under control..xx

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Chilling in its reality. Well done, Brian! :)

Brian Miller said...

not in the farthest reaches of my mind did i ever think this many people would respond...and with all the stories...thansk for the love all...and my hopes for a brighter tomorrow.

Kay said...

I thought it powerful

Pat said...

This is so beautifully written - it's too bad it's about such a sad subject - and a serious one. But your words - wonderful. You serve up words like the best chef does desserts.