Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Theme Thursday: Collection

I came to visit you today, laying my head against the crunch of the grass, stretched out, superimposing my body over your memory. Some traditions say if you bind the mouth of the dead, it keeps the spirit from wandering, yet my fingers have pry loose those lacy shackles of ribbon. Drifting shut, my last glimpse the name etched neatly in the course stone, my own. We walk together again.

Old postcards and fading Polaroids flitter by like a flip book, pantomiming life. Memories best forgotten, taken out and examined, through the prism of my warm tears. The smells return dancing on the breeze, the bitter cold embrace of the old ways, of days with no return. Sweet nectar turns bitter, rolling across my tongue, wine from old skins, intoxication clouding the present making old paths glitter alluringly.

We had such good times, the seductress whispers, her breath upon my ear.

Loose soil falls from my fingers, feverishly digging until I wrap on the the solid confines of your sarcophagus. Nails screech against the force of my pry bar, relinquishing their grip, moaning against my desire. Stale air breathes from beyond, cobwebs clinging merciless to me, in symbiotic embrace. There you lay as I left you last, my collection of shame, still bound in the crimson ribbon like steel coins of payment.

Go back, this is not for you any more, live up to what you have already attained, leaks from your pale, cracked lips, though they are not your words.

Bringing you up out of your grave is pointless, oh ash of yesterday.

I am not who I once was.

So with strength, not my own, I cover you again.

Such sweet paradox, in death we find life.

Our lives take on the stories we choose to collect.

Collection.

56 comments:

otin said...

Is this about battling your demons? I was not quite sure? It sounds like trying to fight temptation of regressing to what you once were and do not want to be again. My Theme thursday has graves in it also! :)

Cabo said...

I had a collection of Polaroids of you in compromising situations. I never buried them though. I sold them on eBay.

Bah, I'm kidding...

I kept them.
-DF

Captain Dumbass said...

This was good.

Brian Miller said...

otin, yes along those lines. every once in a while our ghosts of life past come back to haunt, shame...even though we let them go...or feel we have left them behind...each day a decision to move on from them...was trying to give it a bit of a haunting, mababre twist as well just for the season.

cabo, if you were not my cousin...

captain, thanks! great to see you.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I love it! You are such a deep thinker and really give my brain cells a good workout. Thank you for that! ;)

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Brian: Thought-provoking. We must die many deaths in a lifetime - collect the learnings - and not stir up the wounds.

darsden said...

you are a very deep man with gifted writing abilities

Betsy said...

loved this so much I'm going back to read it again...

Alix said...

This is so beautiful, I want to understand it more than anything.

Jill said...

I wonder Brian...why we do not let these collections go...TRULY let them go...it is as if we KEEP them to punish ourselves when we feel at our lowest.

EXCELLENT!

lakeviewer said...

You're still coiled with that obsession, ready to bury it forever, naming it for what it was. Your new you needs to forgive that old you. Shame, once named, needs to be buried.

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Brian, yes, we are this moment now and all the moments past. Having faced death it is a gift to face life. I learned we do not need to forget, we need only to remember, to remember what was, what we gleaned from those gems of time, what treasures of resolve have we collected and what yet are we to confront. This day offers a full measure of NOW - a new "collection" in the making.

blueviolet said...

I sometimes struggle with the past as well. It's hard to not let it affect the present.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

wonderfully wrought how you wove the theme and this spooky season.....

MW said...

You are such a gifted writer. I could not stop reading. Very, very good.

...mmm... said...

I love your last line about our lives taking on meaning.

"Memories best forgotten, taken out and examined, through the prism of my warm tears."
--Love that. how poetic.

yes, demons of old must be wrestled at adn can come at any anytime when one least expects it. Good to read though you are living in renewed life. Keep to that, Brian.

Liza said...

This is fabulous work.
"Our lives take on the stories we choose to collect."
Such wise words from a great writer. Thanks for sharing this, and happy tt.

The Retired One said...

Demons are only demons if you give them power to be...
Memory of demons give them power too.
Great writing, Brian...

Meeko Fabulous said...

I used to have one of those boxes. I finally decided that clinging to what would have been wasn't healthy for me. So I lovingly looked at each item one last time and threw them away one by one. Each a distant memory of happier times.

Matthew said...

Weird - I read yesterday's posting whilst at work and then I get home and there's this new one!

Both were very good, by the way. Thoroughly enjoyed my visit. :)

Maggie May said...

We have to let go eventually and move on to the new things in our life.
Lovely writing. Made me think.

Nuts in May

Tom said...

oh, creepy! 'tis the season...happy TT!

Baino said...

This is a bit disturbing Brian? I don't give in to past ghosts . . .what's done is done. I'm kinda pragmatic like that.

Baino said...

Oh . . I want Cabo to publish the polaroids . . no really!

Candie Bracci said...

That was such a great post Brian!Yes we change,got to move fowards,there is a time when we have to say "no" to those ghosts from our past!Great post Brian,intensity in anything that you write!

Beth said...

Ghosts of the past are always lurking around. There are times when I feel strong enough to fight them. Then there are other times when my confidence wanes.

Great post!

Ocean Girl said...

You are too deep for my shallow mind..but I am not complaining :)

Protege said...

I am a collector. One day when I will be gone, I pity those that have to sort out my belongings.
I love the dark twist to this post; you dare so much with words.:)

TechnoBabe said...

It is our nature to allow a glimpse into the past now and then, if only to remind us to be grateful that it IS in the past. Maybe that helps put the guilt and shame in perspective.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I think about my dad when I read this piece. I have so wanted to lay myself across his grave, pretend I am laying with him. Yet I know his grave only hides an empty shell of a man I will always adore. His soul is with me now; and my own memories.

Beautiful post as always.

CJ xx

CatLadyLarew said...

I guess we must all be collectors... of stories. Great post!

subtorp77 said...

I'm guessing old snaps but more towards old love letters( hence the crimson ribbon? )...

dreamhaven said...

Coffin, her frozen body embraces.
Wanting her arms never to leave you
Here on your own.
A soft touch of madness
Quickly passes.
A voice saying go
I am with you no more.

VE said...

I thought grave robbing was illegal...and those cash-for-gold places don't pay well enough for all that digging... ;)

Seriously...good story

Joanna Jenkins said...

"We had such good times, the seductress whispers, her breath upon my ear."

I'd lock her in the basement. That's where I keep my old demons :-)

Great job.

AngelMay said...

Very enjoyable Brian. Both you and Otin have been spending time in graveyards lately.... :)

Jasmine said...

So beautiful. It made me cry.

Kay said...

oh....you. are. good. no, fabulous!

Hilary said...

Personal haunting demons. I suppose we can all relate to that from time to time.

Cabo's comment made me laugh. :)

e said...

Haunting words and images; you are so right about the demons...thanks for sharing.

Skip Simpson said...

Excellent. A reader can interpret that in so many ways. I truly admire your ability to conjure up images, with your words! Bravo!

Wings said...

This a "collection" post or something for Halloween? Eerie and dark and then bright and hopefully.

Hmmm....

Brian Miller said...

wings, think of it like a blended coffee...tried to mix a bit of the season into the story...

Cheffie-Mom said...

You are such a great writer. I always leave your blog with much to think about!!

Nancy said...

I have been haunted lately. Funny how those little tendrils of memory trickle out every once in a while. I really don't care for the ones that I'm ashamed of...

Verily I go. said...

"Stories we choose...." WOW! So glad Cabo's not my cousin with pics. :0 xo

Not For Jellyfish said...

You always have the most amazing blogs that really get me to think... :)

Coffee Messiah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coffee Messiah said...

Is a flipbook like facebook?

I enjoyed what you've done here!

Cheers!

ps: sorry 'bout that, didn't remember how to spell ; (

Otin said...

Glad you didn't join in on the "something about Otin" theme! lol!

Hit 40 said...

I honestly do not have ghosts that haunt me from my past. I just move on. Maybe, I should care more? I just try my best.

Brian Miller said...

otin, i'm just saving it all for my parody...i do hope you had a great birthday!

R.J. Edwards said...

Beautiful and very deep.

California Girl said...

I'm glad I read Otin's questions and your answers because there are alot of interpretations.

Battling demons who return again and again...boy would I like to be able to let those "memories best forgotten."

An Open Heart said...

Dark, very dark....most halloweenie!

LOVE IT!


S

lettuce said...

mmmm and in the sarcophagus - could be almost anything!?

good one