Sunday, October 4, 2009

Mining

young love,
the space
between us,
pressed flat
to fill the gap,
reserved for
shimmering pools of
afterglow, after
the gentle whisper,
your skin
against mine,
dry kindling smoke
to consuming fire.

searching lips,
a cooling drink,
leaves thirst
for more, upon
my cheek,
our love
in the making,
turning round again
to fill the gap
of things left unsaid
secrets unshared,
forbidden to
bring up
leaving us
exhausted and
empty, even in
our most
intimate moments.

two people,
one bed,
worlds apart.

We have several friends that recently separated from their spouses. The similarity in their stories is scary...We just stopped. We were seldom physically intimate, but even before that we were disconnected, always running in different directions and then I was at work and...you can fill in the gap. Secretary. Client. Friend. Follower on Facebook. It's not like they jumped right in bed with the other person. It started because someone took an interest in them and they were not getting that at home.

They stopped being naked well before they stopped having sex.

Intimacy is about connection. Its about knowing and being known, about exploring the infinite depths of the other person; one conversation, one experience at a time. Its in realising that the only way you'll ever reach the bottom, is if you give up trying.

38 comments:

Leah said...

Yes, Brian. How true. How very very true! Today is my wedding anniversary, and that is because we've never stopped trying.

blueviolet said...

I just find this so terribly sad and true.

Jasmine said...

A beautiful poem. The more I read of your posts the better I like your work and you.

Its a shame that so many associate intimacy with physical intimacy. To me, spiritual and emotional intimacy, meeting of minds and hearts must come before physical intimacy hold true value. Maybe that is why I have always held true to my love :)

only a movie said...

Some people in my life are splitting too, and it makes me sad.

You always have to try.

Ronda Laveen said...

Some how people turn their back on what got them together. Once that has happened, it must be hard to get back to where you once were.

Beth said...

So much truth here. I do think that most relationships have peaks and valleys. Some times things are really great, sometimes they really aren't. People have to decide to keep working at being in love and falling in love again.

I love your line about how they "stopped being naked before they stopped having sex." So true.

Daniel said...

Nice post today. Words so true and so obvious, but, alas, too late for me. Hopefully others will listen, really listen.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I have a few friends I will share this with. It's beautiful, and sad, and unfortunately sometimes very true.
Great writing.

Pastor Sharon said...

Brian,
This is a such needed post! THank you for the beautiful story of love making between two people. And thank you for your blunt truth and what happens when people in their relationship quit being naked together. Married people need to hear this!

It is all too true and can happen to anyone, regardless of who they are, what they do, and where the go.

Otin said...

Happy anniversary! Leah!!!

Very true thoughts Brian! Words that can make a difference.

willow said...

It is sad when love ends.

I am one lucky girl to have been married for 32 years to the same wonderful man.

Happy Anniversary, Leah!

Amy said...

Lovely poem Brian!!
How sad it is when it all ends, when people stop trying. Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. It is not just physical like so many people think. Relationships take work, and they are ever changing.
People certainly need to hear this bluntness! Thank you!

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

It's not always easy. Sometimes marriage is work. But if it's important to you...you keep trying and things get better. Thanks for the reminders.

An Open Heart said...

Great poem....as always....

Thanks for stopping by.....


S

Kay said...

always love your heart felt words...i spent my early 20's asking the couples that survived 20-30-40-50 years of marriage; the one that has always stuck?

The man answers (after 50 years) 'we were just lucky to have not fallen out of love at the same time'

your words, replicate that so well, may you and yours survive together forever :)

Alan Burnett said...

I love the phrase about "exploring the infinite depths of the other person" and the idea that "the only way you'll ever reach the bottom, is if you give up trying". Creative as ever Brian.

Protege said...

This was a beutiful post because you managed to define eloquently what goes wrong, when people grow apart.

Rob said...

Good thoughts.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Very, very true.

Beautifully put, Brian!

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Very well put and so true. We have experienced many friends that have lost touch physically and then emotionally - very sad.

The Retired One said...

Well, we are going on 38 years of marriage and I agree....there will be times where you get distracted by life's pressures and when this occurs, you have to make a concentrated effort to get it back on track. You may temporarily fall out of love (but you always love them)..but the fun part is to fall back in love with them, over and over. I think since our 35th anniversary, we are more in love than ever. With age, comes wisdom.
You realize that this ONE person is the one person on the face of this earth that knows you better than you know yourself and still is in love with you. To me, that is a miracle....

Candie Bracci said...

Many claps to that beautiful full of sense post!

Liza said...

"They stopped being naked well before they stopped having sex."
Wow, how powerful is that sentence?
My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up on Friday. Time flies when you are having fun!
Thanks for sharing this post Brian.

Kate Hanley said...

Absolutely true. So well-put. I've caught up on your other posts as well which were, as usual, amazing.

Lorraine said...

Oh you are so right, but both have to agree to remember the intimacy...I love what you wrote here, I love the fact that you and the woman you love, your wife will more than likely last forever...that gives me hope...always beautiful writing Brian :)

TechnoBabe said...

I have heard people say they just fell in love with someone else, they didn't want to, it just happened. Like they didn't have a choice. It is so sad that they put energy in getting to know someone who is paying attention to them in a way that is flattering and fills a void. That energy that could be in the relationship they are already in. The relationship that may have children who will never be the same after the divorce. Sad.

Meeko Fabulous said...

Wow. That's all I have to say. Wow.

Cheffie-Mom said...

Wow, Brian. So, so true. Making "together" time is soo important. Thanks for the reminder!!

Mariana Soffer said...

Excelent post, The disconection among people is such an intersting subject, and a depressing one. Jung already talk about it when he said that "there is no sexual relation" meaning people do not really relate to each other having sex they just relate with the fantasy they have from the other person indeed, that is what they do, he thought in his theories.

Valerie said...

Very true. Marriages are not made in heaven, they are made in hearts. It's as well to remember that sometimes it takes a concerted effort to make sure they stay there. And to discover that it was worth the effort.

Goofball said...

sad when people lose that connection. Scary how things can evolve between 2 people.

Ekanthapadhikan said...

"Its in realising that the only way you'll ever reach the bottom, is if you give up trying" - Profound is one adjective I can say about this. Maybe I can find more if I try.

But is this a coincidence? "The similarity in their stories is scary". I just posted a mail I send in response to my x-g'friend today.

The Things We Carried said...

It is a story I have heard too many times. Your poem captures the painful depths of it well!

Kulio said...

Truth.
This brings up a sadness inside of me.

...mmm... said...

This is again, so true.

Unknown Mami said...

"They stopped being naked well before they stopped having sex." Wow! So true.

Yodood said...

This post, at every level, penetrated to a depth where a voice cried out, "Is it possible for humans to mature beyond needing attention to know they are loved — or is this childish adulthood forever to be the final stage of life?"

MV said...

Such a wake up you know? Especially when this happens to people around you that you know.
Great truths here Bri.