God is incapable of failure. yet here i am.
brilliant shadows of stained glass rainbows sprinkle across my road worn face, the gaping wounds in my back, mimic the ones in Your side and hands. a crown of thorns pushed into my brow as you turn your back, leaving me here, crucified by my broken heart.
i am not good enough.
damp lips press firmly into my cheek, while the silver stiletto slips between my ribs, the first drop of poison to my withering heart. my everything blows like dust in the wind, alone and afraid i embrace the cackling beast in the corner, thankful for his open arms.
he becomes me, i become him.
dwindling dregs remain from all that is poured into my cup, empty though i pour intoxication into the moments between heart beats and replace the hollow with dime store friday night love. the sun rises on my shame, flopping like a fish in a pool of my own refuge.
does anyone see me here.
whistling chokes are all that reach my lungs as my heart drums staccato, threatening to burst from my chest, the crescendo of my decent, until i lay shattered on the soft white sheets of this hospital gurney. why have i been forsaken.
one. two...thirty. breath.
crooked smiles as grace shines into my barren soul, the prodigal returning from his hip deep pig sty existence. loves warm kisses in the evening snow, wash me white again having never left as i ran out the door on myself. i surrender.
God is incapable of failure. yet here I AM.
this is my story, or part of it. each of these stories are, but there was a dark chapter, my shadow years between 16 and 20 where i walked in scary places trying to fill the void left by a broken heart. everything i thought true came crashing down around me, a discordant resonance in the rhythm of my life. finally i had a system crash and the next week i met my future wife. then together we found our way home again.