Monday, August 3, 2009

Secrets

Dad, if you tell me your secret I can keep it.

Really, how's that?

I just put it in my the front of my mind and then flick it out.

Nice trick you've got there.

Yeah. Did you know we got a coupon at Rue 21 when we bought your birthday present?

(Snickers)

What are you laughing at?

Oh nothing, just keep flicking....


Wouldn't it be nice if some secrets you could flick out of your mind? Secrets you wish you never knew. Or ones you know you can't keep.

Sure there are safe fun secrets, right? They are pretty easy to keep. Or when someone is looking for help, someone to listen and they listen back and get the help.

But then there are those just looking for someone to carry the weight of the guilt they feel. They just want someone to tell them it's okay. Or they want to try the truth out on someone just to get a reaction. Like the friend that told you about his extra-marital affair, but has no intention of telling his wife, or stopping.

Secrets can be scary. Secrets imply trust, but they can break trust as well. There was a kid whose parent told them not to tell, it would break trust...nothing said of the trust they broke with their kid. So this kid can't tell anyone, because they would be the bad guy, they would break trust...but not to tell would mean their trust would continue to be broken...several times a weak.

Telling the truth shattered them...and set them free from a very evil secret.

Some secrets carry a heaven burden of guilt and anxiety, that's usually how you can tell they are not worth keeping. It would be nice to just flick them out of our minds...i guess that would be the same as telling them. And that just might be the best thing to do.

For the record, I still don't know what I am getting for my birthday. Darn secrets.

36 comments:

California Girl said...

You got that right! Unburdening your soul while seeking forgiveness is probably not fair although I've done it, I confess. Interesting point you make about telling a child something they should not know and are compelled to keep. Off limits and not okay. Sad really.

Well put Brian.

Brian Miller said...

@cali - unburdening your soul while seaking forgiveness...i think is very healthy and implies you want to do something about it...unburdening your soul just to make you feel better about what you are about to do again...not so good.

femminismo said...

You are quite the poet! I like the one where you want to fall into your wife's eyes. Lovely. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I'm not sure what you mean by POTD. Post or photo and where? Clue me in, if you get the chance. (I'm the blogger who made the book with the love letters.) I hope Seth knows we are going to all have very littered back yards this winter!! - Jeanne

Sandra Leigh said...

I keep telling you, Brian - if you do figure out what your present is, it will spoil the moment for you. Hey - you've inspired me to write a post about presents. Hmmm. What's the theme this Thursday?

Brian Miller said...

@femminismo - thanksfor the return visit, and for the warm regards. sounds like a wonderful project.

@sandra - always glad to be an inspiration. smiles. i promise i won't peak at the presents.

Megan said...

:) The offspring is out of town with his aunt & uncle and he texted me that he bought me a present at a gift shop - but that it would remain "a secret gift until my return."

Love those kind of secrets.

The other kind, not so much.

Maggie May said...

Some times a secret can be a burden & someone telling you about it can help them but not you.

You cannot expect a child to keep a secret and some things they tell you just cannot be kept a secret if they're in danger. I never tell a child that I will keep their secret.

However presents and things like that are fun secrets! Hope you get/got what you wanted for your Birthday!

Ronda Laveen said...

I am very good at keeping secrets. Keeping my mouth shut is a part of my job. As I work for myself now and not for a doctor, confidentiality is more of a morality decision than a legal choice. Luckily, my clients don't often have large skeletons in their closet. And, for the most part, because I am so confidential, I get to be privvy to some amazing secrets.

Baino said...

I have no secrets. Seriously I sometimes wish I did. I don't keep things from my kids either except the fun kind. They know everything about me from my PIN to my emotional state and I know everything about them. Then I don't have any guilty secrets or bad things to hide from them. We are a team, a little commune of solidarity because we 'know' each other. I'd be lost without that side of the relationship. Then mine are a good deal older and ready to hear the truth. I would never ask them to retain a confidence that's been entrusted to me or to spill if they wanted to keep something to themselves.

And I hate knowing what my birthday present is. My sister is a present squeezer, you know when they're sitting under the Christmas Tree . .I avert my eyes cos I lurve the surprise!

otin said...

Secrets are definitely a double edged sword, you can feel honored that someone trusted you enough to let you in on something, but then maybe you would be better off not knowing!!

sheila said...

That was a wonderful post and so well written! I so agree about the kids keeping a secret. Should never have to be.

Goofball said...

This post really makes me sad that there's kids that think they must carry such a heavy secret. :(

I like the thought/rule that secrets that make you feel anxious or guilty are not worth keeping.

Oh and I hope you get a great birthday present ;)

Mrsupole said...

Hi Brian,

When is your Birthday? I never want to know what I am getting cause then that takes away all the fun.

As to how I am doing I just posted it on my "Mrupole's Crap" website. You can click it on from my sidebar or from my profile page.

So gotta go, which you will also read why.

God bless. I keep praying I get better, then this happened tonight. sigh!

only a movie said...

I love this post, it is also interesting to think about the motivation for keeping an telling a secret. Somehow a theme for me this week.

Also, I have no idea what I'm getting for my birthday.

:-)

Deb said...

You are right on the money with this post - once again. I love fun secrets - I think of them as pleasant surprises. But then there are the dark secrets...which I would often prefer if people did not share with me. Happy Birthday - and may it be full of many fun surprises!

Travel & Dive Girl said...

We all have secrets - some good, others not so good, either ones we keep for ourselves or on behalf of others. I think the ones we keep on behalf of others are the tough ones, especially if they will have a negative effect on others.

Love the post by the way...

The Retired One said...

I had a nephew who would always find his Xmas presents and carefully unwrap them, see what he was getting and then wrap them back up. His parents never knew until he was much older and told them. He kept the secret that he knew what he was getting...
hmmmm...maybe you should try that with your upcoming birthday present.
The only thing is, now you gotta hunt for it. ha

Lorraine said...

Secrets are burdens, not meant to share...yet there are secrets that have be be told LOUDLY, I don't envy your position my dear Brian, still thanks for the lighthearted finish :)

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Oh I love it! I'm going to suggest to the Princess Nagger to put it in the front of her mind and flick it out...that way we can avoid any future accidental disclosure of what Dada gets for his birthday or Christmas like she did when she was 4... ;)

I absolutely love, love, LOVE this part:

"Some secrets carry a heaven burden of guilt and anxiety, that's usually how you can tell they are not worth keeping. It would be nice to just flick them out of our minds...i guess that would be the same as telling them. And that just might be the best thing to do."

I could not possibly agree with you more.

Jimmy Bastard said...

There is some real logic in your words. Secrets do little but increase the unwanted feelings of guilt.

lime said...

a very wise contemplation on secrets and those that should or shouldn't be kept. hope that birthday present turns out to be a superfun secret.

thanks for stopping by my place earlier.

Brian Miller said...

@megan - too fun. nice to know he was thinking of you as well, right? enjoy the break.

@maggie - that is one caveat i always tell my clients...if you are someone else isbeing harmed...no secrets.

Brian Miller said...

@ronda - in business there are many points where confidentiality is key and you are right its good the skeletons are not too scary.

@baino - you paint a wonderful picture of your family. i'll admit to a squeeze or a shake when they are under the tree but i won't go looking for them...

@otin - and a mighty sharp one ideed.

@sheila - ty. and yes it should never be.

@goofball- yeah pretty scary the things that come out...got about 18 days until i find out!

@mrsu - off to check your other blog. my bday is the 22nd.

@only - i think the motivation tells a lot about the intent of the secret...

@deb - yeah fun secrets are just that...though if you want it kept i would not tell Logan. smiles.

@travel - and there are the secrets we keep from ourselves which may be the most deadly...ty.

@retired - lol. i think they hid them too good. smiles.

@lorraine - tried to leave you with a smile. sometimes it makes the pill easier to swallow, eh? sometimes i don't envy as well...

@stacy - yeah he gave us a good chuckle with that one...ty.

@jimmy - too true.

@lime - thanks for dropping by. ty.and we shall see soon enough. smiles.

Alan Burnett said...

If you could flick secrets out of your mind (I agree, great idea) would other people who are passing be able to catch them? Hay, I know what your birthday present is.

oiasantorini said...

secrets feed more secrets... whilst a present is not a seemingly huge deal, the concept of secrets within the family is. With four kids I've always thought it better to use the term "surprise" that embed the concept of secrets in their minds. Keeping a surprise is one thing, keeping secrets is another.

Thoughtful post Brian.

blueviolet said...

Sheesh, thanks. I used to think of secrets as a magical and fun thing. Now, I hate them and I don't want anyone to ever tell me one again.

Shrinky said...

When I was ten, I swore my best friend to secrecy, before telling her I was in love with John Coffee.

She ran right up to him and told him in front of everyone, and he laughed. Beetroot red, I denied it. It was the first time I had ever felt such humiliation, and betrayal. It was the first secret I had ever told, I thought I could trust her. I had a lot of deeper darker secrets at home, I think one of the reasons I continued to keep them was because of that (so seemingly silly) incident.

Another wonderfully, thought provoking post, my friend.

Betsy said...

Our family had some secrets growing up that children should not be forced to keep. I'm still dealing with some of the fallout.

Now the birthday present kind of secret...love that kind! How can you stand the suspense! ;)

otin said...

I also liked everything running together, but you have to please the majority sometimes! I loved the comment though! Thanks!

Micaela said...

Brian,

Yeah, so true! Some secrets are fun, like what you're going to get on your birthday, but lots (most, actually) secrets are dangerous. They can get you in trouble either way, if you don't tell, or if you do. Secrets are tricky like that!

xoxo,
Micaela

BabYpose said...

Hi Birthday boy, Its hard to keep a secret for a kid like mom's story of those days.

Mom took along my auntie aged 7 to a movie asked her not to tell my grandpa. they got home, auntie told the grandpa, the cinema had big screen and nobody went to see a movie.

You have the best birthday ya :)

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I love the idea of flicking them away. Of course, now that I'm of "a certain age" I just forget what folks told me, so it's easy to keep secrets. (Not to remember them, though).

Daniel said...

Flick them out of my mind huh? Alright I shall give it a try. This shouldn't be too hard. (laughs)

Michael Rawluk said...

I have a few things that I would love to flick away.

victorian inn bed and breakfast said...

I think "Secrets" is Secret don't sharing the secrets with every person because after sharing the secrets with other become they are our weakness so, why sharing the secrets with other.

Thanks,

Ben said...

Haha, that's awesome. When's your birthday? But I agree with you about secrets. They can make you waste away. They can also be kind of cool at times; when you're trying to understand someone and they tell you a secret about themselves that brings things to light and helps you finally understand what makes them tick. I like when that happens.