Tuesday, July 14, 2009

crush

Balancing precarious at the tipping point, the machine rests heavily on the tailgate of the truck. The wheel of the dolly froze on the lip, as I strain to overcome lost inertia. Infinite wisdom cascades into a push by my another dock boy, propelling the machine from it's perch. Pinwheeling backward, my heel finds the wheel well,my knee the wall of the truck bed and the world becomes a blur or color as it passes.

Warm asphalt eats into my shoulder blades, driving air from my lungs. Gravity does the rest and the machine tumbles after, seeking cushion from the fall. My legs deflate like pierced balloons under the mass of metal, the vacuum filling my lungs, to scream.

Fingers grip furrows, adrenaline coursing through veins, allowing me to toss the appliance like a small toy. I am ok, I am ok, to the surrounding crowd as I rise. One step, two, three...searching for the door holding back the refreshing air condition. Just need to sit d...o...w...n. The world goes black as I follow that thought to the ground.

Laying there with my legs elevated I wonder if I appreciate more what I had before losing them that day at work in high school. Only temporary, all muscle damage, no bones broken, amazingly, luckily. There is so much we take for granted in our every day rising, walking, talking, seeing, hearing, eating, sleeping, working, playing, loving world. Moving so fast, we forget their significance, until they are gone.

Over at Baino's today, I was reminded of all we have to be thankful for. In times of pain, in times of struggle, our lives can begin to be defined by all that we don't have, as what we do have is pushed into the shadows of the corner. A reminder I need often.

In our losing, we gain something more important. Perspective.

Crush.

28 comments:

Daniel said...

I have pushed my plusses so far into the shadows that they no longer seem a part of me. The negatives seem all that's left, all there is to define me. I struggle to make progress, head down, full effort given. When I look up to take stock, sadly, nothing has changed. The passing years are adding up, and at times I don't know how many more times I can try.

Pastor Sharon said...

Brian,
Thanks for that post. Beautiful! I needed the reminder!

Wings said...

Sometimes we all need a reminder. Good post, good message.

Beth said...

It would seem that everyone has lost something at some point in their life. Sometimes it is even their perspective.

Well written and thought provoking post.

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

That is a wonderful perspective!

The Girl From Cherry Blossom Street said...

It gets tougher as one gets older.
I tell myself that often...("I'm ok, I'm ok...")

This is a very good post. I needed this today!

Kathleen said...

How true. I think that rest that must accompany healing also adds to the perspective. I had 8 weeks of "brain rest" after a severe concussion this winter -- and as hard as it was to truly rest, I gained so much perspective from the experience.

Thanks for the reminder!

otin said...

OMG, That was chilling! Bainos post was also eye opening! I always loved that Cinderella song, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" It is so true!

Hilary said...

We all need this reminder sometimes.. maybe often. You're right - there are too many thing we take for granted and we complain about the comparitively minor things. Thanks for some wise perspective.

Deb said...

Hi ~ Thanks once more for the reminder to be mindful of moments and to never take my life or my loves for granted. Take care!

Brad said...

Great post Brian!

Nancy said...

Oh yeah! I have experienced this type of loss and you are so right - all of a sudden we have lost something so precious, something that we paid little attention until it was gone. Glad you were okay.

Valerie said...

Good post, Brian. One stab at life's end taught me to appreciate the positives. Scars are a permanent reminder and I'm thankful they're there. I wrote a great screed here, and deleted it.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Life is so very precious. Some of us struggle through, others sail through. If we're lucky we will experience both, enriching our souls and giving us a reason to live.

CJ xx

subtorp77 said...

Brian, something similar happened when I was in the navy. Too long to go into here. And yeah, Baino hit it spot on with that post but you're right about the perspectiveness of it all...

Candie Bracci said...

Ah I just been to see Baino's place and now,you!What do I find?That love is certainly flows everywhere and spread around,it becomes an ocean!Beautiful post Brian!Have a wonderful day!:)

Pyzahn said...

There is amazing power in gratitude.

Very nicely written post.

Lorraine said...

Indeed an important reminder, and oh gosh you write it so so well, in fact you are such an extraordinary writer that I find it delightful that you can't spell 'its' properly, remember It's is a combo of IT IS, and not the pronoun ITS....
(as in : (it's)it is time and its feather was a lovely colour)
thought I'd add that for fun ;)

Brian Miller said...

@lorraine - may have to fire my editor...now i am getting the elbow in the ribs.

@pyzahn - there is. ty.

@candie - what better way to live than spread the love..and add tot he ocean. smiles.

@subtorp - ach. would love to hear sometime, though would wish it upon no one. Baino was spot on.

@CJ - i think there something to the balance...

@val - scars will do that. have a rather long one on my leg from barb wire...i got the point. smiles.

@nancy - hope you passeed your test yesterday...loss adds to us, if we won all the time...where would the adventure be?

@brad - ty man!

@deb - anytime. capre every moment!

@hilary - i think we do. it makes life much sweeter.

@otin - saw them in concert once. i do have a flari for the dramatic.

@kathleen - sorry to hear about the concussion. i hope your healing continues well. my mind would be hard to put to rest.

The Retired One said...

Why IS it that when WE get hurt, the first thing we do is say: "I'm okay, I'm okay!"...consoling others?

Maybe we need to remind ourselves that we need attention sometimes.
Sometimes we are definitely NOT okay.
We need to say it more often.

Next time I get hurt, (besides swearing) I will try and remember to say:"I am not okay." "I think I need some help and love." I bet it will make me feel a ton better.

Brian Miller said...

@daniel - i think there is hope for all of us, even you. keep your chin up buddy.

@pastor sharon - don't we all. smiles.

@wings - ty

@beth - yes, i lose mine occassionally, its usually in the little dish on my dresser though.

@muthering - ty. i try to keep it, or maybe give it away.

@the girl - glad to offer it.and yes as the days go by it becomes slippery.

@retired one - yes, i tend to fein my wellbeing too much. if we were more transparent i wonder if we would develop more community.

willow said...

Gratitude does unlock the fullness of life, doesn't it? Beautiful post, Brian.

Rain said...

I really appreciate your descriptive narratives Brian, it makes me live what you went through. I do know that feeling of gratitude after losing. Great post!

Baino said...

You're so philosophical for such a young fella. But it's true. We're so consumed sometimes about where we're going we forget to reflect on where we've been. You had a lucky escape by the sounds of it. We're having a reflective week you and I!

Ronda Laveen said...

It is so true. In an instant we can lose it all and not eve know it. You were very lucky.

Brian Miller said...

@willow - it does indeed. ty.

@rain - smiles.

@baino - thanks for the inspiration. great things on the horizon.

@ronda - in the blink of an eye...yes i was

JennyMac said...

GREAT writing!!!!!

5thsister said...

Egads! True stories are sometimes the most harrowing! Thanks for the link.