Tuesday, July 21, 2009

5 hours

Today.
I sit in the aisle,
between the rows of beautiful thoughts
in a crowded bookstore
defeated.

Tight weave green carpet
pushes roots into
the soft flesh of my posterior,
pulling me further into itself.
Metal shelves,
cooled by the conditioned air,
massage my neck and back
with rigid fingers.

My head rests against
other people's wisdom,
hoping osmosis
will bring relief.

I want not to care.

Events of the day
play back like a bass drum
between my temples,
tension rising like hot steam,
twinkling under
yellow florescence.

Anger wrapped in exasperation
needles its twisting way
out constricted pores
in silent epiphanies.

One of those days.

There are questions
I can not answer.
There are things
I can not change.
There is help
I can not give.
There is pain
I can not bear.

Until I realise,
I don't have to.

I find joy in breathing,
for a moment,
before rising,
striding out the door
to face the day again
because I do.
Care.

78 comments:

Lady Mama said...

Your writing is beautiful.
(found you through VodkaMom)

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

The observer observes and known he becomes... the pondering of heart, the questioning of mind, the treasures of soul ever to be yours dear Brian... threads we weave into our cloak of BEING.

Well done!

Wings said...

Great, again. Very nice. We all have "those days", don't we?

Pastor Sharon said...

You make getting up for work Monday morning sound like poetry!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

That. Was. Beautiful. :)

lakeviewer said...

Heck, we all have those days. But, we care. So, we carry on. Well done, Brian.

Kathleen said...

Sounds to me like you the stacks shared their wisdom.

♥ Braja said...

I sent Vodka Mom your page and told her to get on it. She wrote back with extensive praise for your writing; now she's spotlighted you on her blog. You damned star :))) No wonder....

subtorp77 said...

Isn't it nice to just be able to go to the library and forget about the day you just had?

"My head rests against other people's wisdom"...

Candie Bracci said...

BEAUTIFUL!!Yes I know the feeling!Strange days :)

Shrinky said...

Sometimes we all feel defeated and overwhelmed by circumstances beyond our control, don't we?

To care is to hope, and hope lends us courage. There is always a new day lying ahead.

otin said...

Wow! I think that you may have joined our Wednesday thing after all! That was great!

Daniel said...

Good work today Brian. If only we could bottle the cure for bad days, frustrating days, anger-filled days. Now that would be something. But alas, we must seek relief where we can and take what life gives us and make the best of it. Blessings.

only a movie said...

Very nicely done. I think I've been here before, stopping by thanks to VM.

Have a lovely day.

Lorraine said...

Understated pain, in your simplicity and your caring heart you write so perfectly and make it seem almost easy to overcome the tragedies, how brave you are ;)

Van Wynsberg said...

All very profound.

Especially moving for me.

"There are questions
I can not answer.
There are things
I can not change.
There is help
I can not give.
There is pain
I can not bear.
Until I realise,
I don't have to.
I find joy in breathing,
for a moment,
before rising,
striding out the door
to face the day again
because I do.
Care"

{always a great write} :0)

Baino said...

Awww. Bad day? You have a soft posterior and there I was thinking you had buns of steel. Trust me, others are having much worse. Small consolation I know. Chin up sunshine! Sorry, I don't mean to be trivial.

Leah said...

Actually, quite inspiring. A lovely generalizable bit of wisdom that you drew from your specific hard day. As so many times before, thanks, Brian.

Bonnie, Original Heart Studio said...

Deeply moving and meaningful. Should be published.

Brian Miller said...

when i orginally scribbled this down on the tablet in my car after leaving the bookstore, it was titled Psych Ward. Have spent quite a few times there over teh last few days with clients. So that is a bit about where this came from...

@lady mama - ty.

@rose - deep...gotta think on that one today...

@wings - yes we do. maybe they make the good ones better?

@pastor sharon - yeah, it was a monday...hope yours was good.

@stacy - thank. you. : )

@lakeviewer - yes we do. carrying on. today is a new day, tomorrow is a memory.

@kathleen - maybe something seeped in...

@braja - ty. big smiles on my face today. lol.

@sub - the library, the book store...they have a calming affect. not just the escape, but maybe shared wisdom.

@candie - strange indeed. hope yours is wonderful. loved your poem today.

@shrinky - deep wisdom there...hope for a new day.

@otin - ok, it does not rhyme but it is thinly disguised as a poem. smiles.

@daniel - wiser men have tried to bottle it, i may have even bought it once...but think we know the answer to that one.

@only - thanks for dropping by. hope yours is great as well.

@lorraine - some of the most complex usually find their answers in the simple...brave, maybe some days.

@melanie - maybe dipping my pen in David's ink well...

@baino - you never cease to give me a smile. trying to show my tender side here, maybe that is a better word than soft. lol. many people have it much worse, we often forget that in our wallowing...

@leah - smiles. hope your trip is going great.

@bonnie - smiles. ok maybe blushing. lol.

Mrsupole said...

And now we know, you have the poetry, in that we have always suspected it was there lurking, trying to get out, be bold young man and go forth into the world of thee poets, it is a grand place to be.

And now that you got off your butt, we will expect more. Lots more. I would say just kidding for others, but for you I could not. It was great and will be so glad to see much, much more out of you. Totally awesome and we like it a lot.

God bless.

Mariana Soffer said...

We did knew you care from the begining, otherwise you would not feel bad about all those things you mentioned like "there are things I can not change"

There is nothing that provides more relief that breathing, for really. And even more if it is when you realize a thing about yourself that you thought was different than it is really, and you have the wisdome enough to accept it without resigniation.

Valerie said...

I'm glad you found happy release, Brian. Wonderful phraseology.

Brian Miller said...

@mrsu - you are too much. lol. never ceasse to brighten my day. off my butt and into gear. maybe the inner voice will reveal itself again come wednesday.

@mariana - i figure as long as i am breathing it could not be too bad. sometimes its the journey to realizing that one thing that can not be taken is your ability to care, only you can choose to stifle it.

@val - ty. smiles.

Ronda Laveen said...

Yep, gotta keep the sunny side up. Great read.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

This is wonderful - I think, sadly, we've all been there. Sometimes for me, a wonderful bookstore is overwhelming, rather than soothing. But I'm glad you do. Care.

Vodka Mom said...

whew. That is amazing.

I have been there - those days are tough. But the great ones? They make it all worth it.

Jenn@slim-shoppin said...

Loved it!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I know these kinds of days all to well.
Beautifully written.
Onward!

RuneE said...

You have a way with words that I do not have, so I'm impressed. You use your words - I try to use my photos.

PS Thank you for the visit!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Thought-provoking works. Nothing like caring to make ones life worth living.

CJ xx

Madame DeFarge said...

You have a fine way with words. Liked this a lot.

Kay said...

Wow. Amazing the feeling put into this piece. Relatable and clever at once. Glad to have been found/to find you, I look forward to reading more.

Brian Miller said...

@madame - smiles.

@crystal - too true.

@runeE - you have a way with a camera, i only have with words. i am jealous you see so i paint vividly. smiles.

@joanna - i imagine if we were honest we all do...onward though! much better today.

@jenn - ty

@vodka mom - yes they do. string enough of them together and its almost heaven.

@jen - we each have our places of peace. another for me is the mountains. can't get enough.

@ronda - my sunny side was rooted to the floor...lol

Brian Miller said...

@kay - just missed you. thanks for dropping by!

secret agent woman said...

I like that. It sounds like the bookstore respite acted as a sort of meditation for you.

Betsy said...

I loved this! And...I do this all the time! Worry, exasperation and then the realization that I can leave the burden behind. Of course, I'd never be able to put it into words like you have here...very nice!

GypsyFox said...

Amazing. Loved it!

California Girl said...

Brian: that is beautifully expressed. I read it twice. Excellent expression of pain, frustration and despair

The Silver Fox said...

Too many excellent quotes there for me to focus on one or two, thereby damning the others with faint praise. Incredible.

The Retired One said...

You can make your pain
sound beautiful.
Just wonderful writing. Loved this one!

Muse said...

Love your writing, thanks for stopping in and commenting on my blog so i can follow you now :)

Crystal @ Plush Palate said...

lovely. beautiful. touching. brave !!

JStar said...

This was beautifully written Brian! Your words touch my soul!

petemarshall1 said...

i am glad this one was highlighted by jingle as i would never have come across it, spot on...a GREAT poem

Jingle said...

very impressive writing for this piece. your words truly shine!

Happy Wednesday!

Jingle said...

There are questions
I can not answer.
There are things
I can not change.
There is help
I can not give.
There is pain
I can not bear.


absolutely sense making lines.
you are a rock star in your own special ways. rock on, your poem sounds like music...I love this poem 500%!

Emmanuel Ibok said...

It is always a pleasure reading your work. This was outstanding. I feel the image you tried to paint with every word in every line. You remain awesome...Cheers!

Tiffany said...

feels like when i'm in the laboratory.

there's help i can't give.

Alexandria said...

Very well written- I like the emotion that is expressed and the change in thought.

laurenmichelleotheim said...

WOnderful! I absolutely LOVE the line "My head rests against other people's wisdom" How I wish my head always rested there...

fiveloaf said...

"^o^" - a perfect of everything only needed a smile from me- cheers bro!

TimKeeton said...

Brian,

I can feel the frustration and feeling of "lack of power" in this piece.

These are my two favorite parts:

My head rests against
other people's wisdom,
hoping osmosis
will bring relief.


and

I find joy in breathing,
for a moment,


Moving and powerful. Thank you for sharing.

Rhyme on!

Tim Keeton
(Undead)Poet / Wizard / Teller-of-tales

D.S. Lear said...

Your words stack up into beautiful thoughts counting the cost of what it takes Today to Care.

Rajlakshmi said...

your write always amaze me... they have such dept and wisdom...
//My head rests against
other people's wisdom,
hoping osmosis
will bring relief.// totally loved these verses... these so well penned ...

joesuzz said...

i wasnt feeling the firt half of the poem. however, I liked how the poem ended. It was really cool and convey a beautiful meaning.

Anonymous said...

You are such an old sweetie! As always, your images imprint on my mind and allow me to imagine yours. Glad you're back in the Rally!
http://mairmusic.wordpress.com/

joanny said...

Brian

I seen you in the bookstore pondering those thoughts and was thinking to myself -- now there goes one interesting man.. Really nice work there -- I spied you on jingle this week instead of willows.

Joanny

Laura Lawless said...

I love the flow and the imagery.

I felt such a world weariness in the lines:

"My head rests against
other people's wisdom,
hoping osmosis
will bring relief."

And you tie it up nicely to convey a sense of hope, in the end. Wonderful words! Great Poetry!

soulintention said...

I can lonely repeat everything said in the prior comments.... so easy to picture sitting in Borders resting breathing in, hoping, wishing you could absorb all the knowledge all the wisdom within its walls.......Bravo.....bkm

morganna said...

I've had days like this, and you put it so beautifully.

Marinela said...

Your writing is all ways beautiful :)

sirenadelfirey said...

A solid poem, full of emotive awareness and creative descriptions which pulled me in deeply. One of my favorite places, a room of written word.

Amit said...

beautiful composition! Liked it!

luna12780 said...

I really enjoyed reading your poem. I like the structure and what you were discribing. Good work!

hpicasso said...

always intersting to read the "first" when it is from a mature mind...we think of early writes and expect youthful words, yours are anything but...bookstores are intimidating, libraries are terrifying...HA

aging is not the same as growth

Peace, hp

JL Dodge said...

So this is one of your first writes? No wonder you have so many followers, you are magnificent !

Marian said...

whew, i think i have been to this place. thanks so much for sharing it. (also, if i ever got 65 comments on a poem, i think i'd probably faint.)

ladynimue said...

always the master of words eh ? liked this post :)

Ramesh Sood said...

Great poem this!!! Loved each line.. a lovely creation..

Came through One Stop Poetry.. you can take the same route to visit me too..

Claudia said...

enjoyed your first poem bri - esp. the last two lines are really good and very typically you

hedgewitch said...

Beautiful work, brian-- a bit more formal and structured than some of your current stuff, but none the worse for that. Very glad I got a chance to read it.

Gigi Ann said...

I love bookstores, when I am in one the times just flies by. "So many books, so little time." as the saying goes.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"There is pain I cannot bear." Yes, the human condition. And I love the last stanza, where you walk out the door, renewed, "because I do care." Wonderful!

Elizabeth said...

Do you really need another comment? Lol, Brian this is a poem worth reading over and over again, just to get to that last word. Yes, I Care. Thank you for doing so,

Elizabeth

shah wharton said...

First time here from onestoppoetry - this was a feast of imagery. I won't repeat all the commentors here - Well done. Shah .X

shah wharton said...

First time here from onestoppoetry - this was a feast of imagery. I won't repeat all the commentors here - Well done. Shah .X

Pete Marshall said...

as soon as i read the opening lines i knew i had read this before...amd yep there i am in your previous comments...a great poem that really does deserve to be revisited...cheers pete