Crumpled in a pile, little hands holding head together, as rivulets of blood seaped through. Wailing for absolution from the pain.
We are at the hospital. Logan fell off the stairs. There was so much blood, I did not know what to do. Get here when you can.
These moments bring a clarity of focus that passes understanding. How it happened seems lost in the desire to see him alive and healthy. It is only much later after scans, rays and stitches that we begin to wonder...
I accidentally fell off the stairs and went bounce, bounce on the big rubber container and then just flew into the post [of the stair railing].
Accidentally...bounce, bounce...hmmm....after two years, the scar stands in remembrance.
Just the other day, laying in their bedroom watching a video. Brother sick in his bed drifting in and out of conciousness, anxious squirmings overcame Logan. Peering over the precipice between his bed and floor, he leaned as much of his body as he could, belayed by my shirt tail. Gravity gripped him as his legs slid ever closer to the edge, caught short by my quick grab.
Didn't you know you would fall?
I had ahold of you. I knew you would catch me.
How quickly we forget lessons learned in our falls, that sometimes we are not caught. Sometimes we are left to our own folly, not because we are not loved, but because we are.
It would be nice if someone was there to make every decision for us, then we would have an easy target to blame. Looking for grace from our poor decisions, not for them...we still have to own the outcomes.