Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Theme Thursday: Wh(oops!)

Have you noticed how wh(oops!) tend to run in packs like wild dogs. One wh(oops!) and the next thing you know you are at the bottom of the dog pile. A slippery slope that ends up something like this...

Periodically my wife has been brave (confused) enough to leave me at home alone with the boys. It was one of those occasions and I was feeling much like the circus ring master trying to keep their attention by directing them from one activity to the next. The natives were restless, and fearing the cooking pot, I came up with the idea to finger paint.

Pulling out the paint box, I realised we had none of the glossy paper that makes them work so well.  Improvise...we don't need no stinking paper! wh(oops!) Picking the most vibrant colors I squirted copious amounts on the kitchen table for the boys to create their masterpiece. Enough of my faculties were in place to have them strip down to their shorts to limit the collateral damage.

Swirls and smears transformed into abstract art just as the phone rang. My wife checking in and for a brief moment I turned my attention...wh(oops!) Assuring her everyone was still living, I caught the first break dance move out of the corner of my eye. Little bodies (now multicolored) spinning freely in the slippery paint. Amazing what can happen in less than 30 seconds.

"Everyone stay right where you are. I am going to start a bath. We need to clean this up, mom is on her way home!"

Moving quickly to draw a bath, the pitter-patter of little feet met me from behind. Didn't I tell them to stay...wh(oops!). Peaking out the door, little blue footprints all across the new (yes new) Berber carpet. wh(oops!) Panic sets in. Limit the damage. Boys in the bath. Why isn't this paint coming off? Little eyes, peering out of blue and purple stained bodies, started to share my panic. Running back to the kitchen, past the drying footprints and oozing table. Grabbing the paint tube...ACRYLIC! Who put that in the finger paint bin! wh(oops!)

Panic escalated to hysteria. Burning through cell phone numbers of all the moms I know. How do you get paint out of carpet!?! Laughter echoed at my confessions, when we heard the crunch of gravel.

 Turning to the modestly dry, still a little sudsy, mal-colored children and in desperation I cried "Your mom is home and she is going to kill us!"

Quivering lips shrieked "Really?"

"Yes, everyone hide!" wh(oops!)

We did not die that day on the slippery slopes of foolishness. I have redeemed myself since. But we did learn that when all of your choices are followed by wh(oops!) you might want to rethink your direction.

39 comments:

Dot-Com said...

Brian, you made me laugh! No idea why you'd ever consider finger paint to begin with, knowing it's a mess even when using the right type of paint, but then again, it's the messy things that are the funniest, isn't it?! Little blue kids *giggles*

Baino said...

Hahaha . . besides being a big fat cheat and posting a day early, this is genius. I've been in these predicaments many times. Why are dogs so much easier to train than children? Happy you avoided a whooping! Hot tip for next time, give them a bucket of warm water and some paintbrushes and ask them to paint the fence!

Van Wynsberg said...

Hahaha this post made me laugh the whole time reading it.

funny stuff. :)

Van Wynsberg said...

Wait, did you ever get the paint off!?

Jaime said...

too funny! how long were the boys in technicolor?

Books,Coffee,etc.... said...

Hi! Brian,
This was a really "ingenious", clever and funny post...using the theme thurday word whoop(s)!Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Wings said...

Great post, Brian! Fathers and mothers both know "whoops days" like these. Have a had quite a few here, as well.

Makes for a good memory, in hindsight! :)

kylie said...

this makes my worst kiddy nightmares seem like dreams.
hilarious post, brian

cheers

Ronda Laveen said...

This is hilarious, mal-colored children and I'm sure you had a mal-colored word or thought as well. WHat a WHoopsie day. Maybe, if you are really good, I'll tell my "Junior Bowlers Pinata Party Whoops" story one day.

Brian Miller said...

@dot com - lol. there seems to be a certain amount of fun thaat comes from making a mess, even for us adults..

@baino - wh(oops!) on the day early : ) will save the bucket of water trick for the next time.

@wings - days like that keep it interesting

@kylie - parenthood is an amazing journey filled with laughter, tears, joy and pain, but i would not trade it for the world.

@ronda - totally want to hear that one! and yes, I was scrambling physically and mentally that day. funny in retro...

@books= ty

@jaime - can't remember actually. enough that i was reminded everyday when i looked at them.

@van wynsberg - yeah. something to do with the dry suds from woolite takes hte paint out. my wife swears she can still see it but i think she's seeing things.

Mrsupole said...

Funny.
God bless.

Rob said...

ha-larious.

Miles McClagan said...

I was just delighted to read a mention of fingerpainting! My only good art grades came from that noble art...and a plaque!

Poetikat said...

You win! (and I haven't read all the others), but who could top this? "Little blue footprints" on the new carpet. OMG!!!

Liza said...

hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! From one funny Whoops to another. This is the greatest Daddy sitting story EVER! You're such a great story-teller.

Still laughing!

Candie Bracci said...

LOL,OMG,so funny!
I can picture it :D

Leah said...

OMG I laughed at this! When I was little, maybe 3, my dad was running our weekly playgroup and he had the same brilliant idea for me and my two girlfriends! Only difference was, he LEFT US with the fingerpaints so that he could grade papers!!!

Luckily, it really was just fingerpaints...my mom laughed her butt off when she came home.

Holly said...

Oh my god....and you are still alive to tell the story!! And that your mom laughed....lucky lucky man you are!

Brian Miller said...

@mrsu - thnx. hope you feel better.

@rob - ty, and for the encouragement on yesterdays post as well

@miles - we have something in common...lol

@poetikat - ty, you should check out willows post, hillarious!

@liza -ty, wish it was my worst daddy story ever, but those are for another day...

@candi - if you could have sen the look when she walked in the door, you would laugh harder...

@leah - glad i am not alone in my poor art supervision choices...lol

@holly - yeah, T was pretty good about it, now she gets a sitter for me and the boys...

VE said...

Hillarious. I always enjoy your stories. I'm sure I had similar ones when my kids were small...they're just blocked out for my protection...

willow said...

"Everyone hide" is usually the best way to deal with most "(wh)oops" situations.

Daniel said...

Thank you Brian for this one.

subtorp77 said...

Brian, you mean you didn't check the paint box first? Big whoops, that one. Kids have the darndest thing about hiding stuff where it doesn't belong. And the Berber carpet! Lemon Fantastic or Lemon Joy works for me!

Brian Miller said...

@willow - in extreme circumstances, lol.

@daniel - welcome bro!

@subtorp - yeah, it all statrs with one wh(oops!) will file the lemon ideas for next time. ha.

Tom said...

you are lucky to still be alive after that (wh)oops!

Roy said...

What? You didn't know that finger paint is an invitation to boys to transform themselves into Indians (Aborigines, Masai, Maori... pick your culture)? Although I think the funniest part is the following footprints. That's classic!

Marianna said...

Oh god this is the wh(oops)siest story I've ever read lol I bet you all laugh when you think about it now :)

Lola said...

I'm still giggling. Been in similar predicament, but no rugs or risk of being caught, as E. and I live alone in our paint-stained 2 room apartment.

This has to be the greatest Daddy-alone-with-kids story, ever. You're a delightful storyteller, Brian. So funny, and your posts are always topped with a thought-provoking question or closing message.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

I hope you were able to snap a few pictures!!!!

talk about a series of whoops....slippery slope for sure!!!!!

Anonymous said...

"Everyone hide.." Yep, that's the Miller way. It never actually works... but it's still filled with hope. 5*

-DF

otin said...

Kids+House+paint=Wh(oops)!

Sandra Leigh said...

Still married, Brian? ;>)

A.Decker said...

Whoops, I reckon! You're wife must be veeerrrrry understanding.;-D

The Silver Fox said...

This is the type of thing that kids are supposed to do when there's no parental guidance! If your wife had killed you and you alone, but not the kids too, no jury in the world would have convicted her! You are indeed a lucky man!

Thanks for the hilarity.

Squirrel said...

Wonderful lively story. "Quivering lips shrieked ~ Really?"

man, you can SEE their faces. I was always easygoing about messes with kids, it's only stuff at the end of the day, and the acrylic paint--not their fault or yours. I would have hosed them down outside though, then a bath.

Cuppa Jo said...

lol, we used to hide from mom too.

tony said...

Well Brian! Another (wh)oops.I hate to add to your list!You forgot to video this for YouTube!

roughruby said...

Thanks for the memories!

Kitty said...

Excellent. I'm wondering what happened to the carpet.