Saturday, May 2, 2009

Monster

Small peripheral movements in the corner of my eye are the only warning. My serene repose shattered with the first onset of attack. Tentacles prick like needles, furrowing into skin, pushing under, reaching to strangle the heart. His big eye stares, boring into my brain, waves of hopelessness pour upon me. Guttural words declare my every sin, the verdict...condemned, despised, worthless, small, weak. Silent screams echo in the canyons...

Worry Monster...we all have one. How they look, their tactics may be different with each of us, but they are there waiting in the shadows. Looking into their eyes, like looking through a magnifying glass, makes that which is manageable into the impossible. Once they have you, all strength ebbs, as you diminish in your own eyes. Lies are daggers, they use to pry confidence from your bones.

Your monster wants you to believe the person you wronged will yell at you, hate you. Better to let it go and stay safe, he sneers...you will lose everything in this financial crisis...your wife is going to leave you, because you don't deserve her, you might want to start looking for someone else...did you hear the comment your boss made, you are probably going to lose your job, go give him a piece of your mind...you might get the flu going around, you better just spend the rest of your life locked in the house...

The only way to beat him, is to tell him the truth. The truth that you are more than his ghastly utterances. That you are a good person. That it's not as bad as it seems. Not frilly lies to make yourself feel better, that is only temporary relief. But the truth about who you are, about the situation you find yourself in, about the hope you have for today. 

Then do something about what has you worried. My worry monster would rather I wait, so that he can build the tension to the point I will do nothing. Inaction only makes it stronger. Go talk to the person you need to talk to, mend the relationship, work smarter, make the phone call, get out...

Your monster is only as powerful as you let him be.

12 comments:

Daniel said...

I seem to struggle more than most with the monster that plagues me. Is it Satan or just my own psychosis? Time will tell. At times I am listless under the pressure. Other times I am immobilized by fear. Both lead to self hate and longing and inaction. Days, weeks, months, years slip by. The regret is powerful and overwhelming. Sometimes this monster makes me long for the end. Powerful? Oh yes. Defeatable? Again, time will tell.

The Clever Pup said...

This sounds like the worry that won't let me get back to sleep at 5 in the morning.

Ronda Laveen said...

:O The Worry Monster survives on the fear factor. Neuter him with love. Over and over, this monster must be defeated. Timely post.

RE: Twitter...You got a new comic book? I love comics. Have collected for years. Got away from it for a while but still love them.

jake (to the) holla said...

my worry monster lurks under the surface now.. after years of dealing with it running amok all over the place... i've kept it under control & tranquilized over the past 2 years or so, and it's been amazing... but there's still those rare moments where it rears it's ugly head & i'm being pushed backwards ever so slightly

Brian Miller said...

@ronda...totally forgot it was free comic book day yesterday. was going to take the boys...know it is all over the US, not sure if international...it is an effort to get kids into comic books. i collected them growing up and have a pretty large collection still.

neuter the worry monster with love...lol. true.

@clever - hope you are resting now...

@daniel - defeatable, yes. easy, not on your life.

Lover of Life said...

Hi, I stopped by from Women of a Certain Age. Great post.

Minka said...

Worry monster is mightier than Santa - being able to be in so many places at the same time - all over the year...

Marianna said...

The times we live in...'nurture' the monsters. So much that at some point a person feels like a little boy saying to B. Willis "I see...scary monsters!". But as long as we realise that we can make the monsters go away, I think we are OK and well...or are we?

Great post to start my week lol Oh dear, Monday is here (after midnight) better get some sleep :)

Take care Brian
xoxo

JML said...

Great post. It's this worry that makes me think I'm headed to a mid-life crisis when I'm only in my twenties. You're a good writer!!

Brian Miller said...

@ronda - grew up on comic books...batman and Xmen were favs. both outcast in their own way, that helped me along those paths in positive ways?

@marianna - the times do tend to nuture the "monsters"...knowing we can and doing it seems a chasm apart at times.

@jml - midlife crisis at twenties...i can believe it...

@minka - unfortunately yes...need more santas though.

@lover of life - thanks for stopping by!

Mrsupole said...

My inner monsters thrive and do well sometimes and then other times they are gone. My main monsters name is allergies. I think I might have to go to the doctors if I don't get well in a few days. I can feel it moving into my lungs and that is not good. All in the last hour. I have to say "Go away monster" and hope it works.

Your monsters can come stay with mine and I will try and take care of them all. What is a few more to deal with? I can handle them all. Yeah right. Let's try and find someone to send them all to. I am thinking. Still thinking.

Okay I will have to get back to you on this one. Those little monsters are all arguing right now. Maybe they are little leprecauns and that is why when we see a rainbow we feel so good, cause the little buggers are checking for their gold. They need to share. Slapping those little buggers again.

God bless.

Brian Miller said...

@mrsu - your commentary cracks me up...slapping the little buggers....lol.