Thursday, May 28, 2009

Confession

I have a confession. Even as I type, my palms are starting to sweat and I hope by the end of this post you still respect me. My manhood is at stake. I have struggled with this deficiency for years, at times feeling insecure, like a lost cause. No little blue pill to cure it. I suffer from MD. 

My name is Brian Miller and I am Mechanically Deficient.

When it comes to fixing cars, I'm impotent. I have the tools. My family gives them to me at holidays in hopes that some form of radical osmosis will happen. As if just having them in the house will somehow imbue me with the power to do something with them. They look good when I carry them out of the house, my chest puffed out for my neighbors, set them down next to the car and try to screw my face into that deeply contemplative look. Staring at who knows what under the hood.

The few forays into actually dismantling an automobile have resulted in the creation of very large lawn ornaments and the ability to speak in tongues. I even have the EZ Fix-it guide for our cars. It makes a great pillow when getting the grounds eye view on the problem. (This is an advanced technique. If you have MD, I would not recommend it.)

"Why don't you just call your dad?" This bit of wisdom...drops the red haze over my vision. What I did not get in mechanical ability, my dad got in spades. I am either a genetic anomaly or he is just selfish. Making the call, that's what gets me. Admitting defeat. Admitting there are things I am not good at. So, many a time, I have eventually handed him the box of parts and pointed at the general location they came from.

Why do we do that? Why do we wait until we have really messed things up before we realize we need help? 

Surgeon General's Warning: Not just any help is good. It's easy to go ask the friend whose car has been on blocks for the last six months. It's easy to ask the guy who is in the same situation as you. But what are you really going to get? Sometimes we need to ask someone who has been where we are trying to get, not someone that is still trying to get there. 

 "Just put the tool down and back away from the vehicle" has echoed through the phone lines enough times that I have stopped pretending. I have MD and I'm okay with that, because I know people that don't. And they are just a phone call away.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm SO giving you a wrench at Christmas.. just to watch you prespire.

-DF

Lover of Life said...

LOL! - so am I.

subtorp77 said...

No worries Brian! 'Tis not the end of the world. Maybe the end of the car, tho'. These days unless it's a far older car, I won't do all the heavy stuff. At least not whilst I'm still making payments.

As far as waitng to long to get something done, then yeah, I can relate to that. You start something and you can't finish it( much less figure it out ). And to seek help could lead to more trouble than it's worth, in some cases. But rarely I'll seek out any-one's assistance. Ican be pretty stubborn that way...

Megan said...

"I can fix this. My dad's got a lot of tools."

Candie Bracci said...

We love you as you are!LOL :D

Daniel said...

To make you feel better Brian, I am afflicted with "xD", where "x" = A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z. Just be glad that you only have "MD". Funny post today.

dad said...

Hello. This is dad. Honey, is our phone broke. I think i hear Brian calling but this darn phone doesn't ring. I think we need a new phone.

Rob said...

I'm glad you are embracing it. We don't ask people for help because of pride. The problem is God made us all different on purpose, so that we would need each other.

Van Wynsberg said...

"Why do we wait until we have really messed things up before we realize we need help?" Seriously! seems like we all do this in different areas of our lives. Humans! So not smart! ;)

Ps, your blog opened at LU!

Do you have a twitter?

Brian Miller said...

I actually called my parents this morning to let them know there is currently nothing wrong with my car. Think they were imagining my lawn looking like an auto parts store. ha.

@va wynsberg - yay! i am off the black list! yeah, being only human...difficult at times. yes to twitter, see sidebar...

@rob - you bring wisdom to the table. if we really embrace that we are not good at somethings and that it is ok, it helps keep pride at bay. thats why it is important to surround ourselves with others that are good in areas that we are not. "every body needs somebody...." (sorry, could not resist singing to you. lol.

@daniel - ha. you are alright man.

Brian Miller said...

@candi - thanks, i feel the love. : )

@megan - lol

@subby - yeah, stuborness tends to run in the human race. according to T, I am getting better, which made me feel better, until she added "this year" : )

@lol - lol. i am not alone!

@df - you would. : )

Gabby said...

Awesome! You made me smile and LOL this dreadfully boring and tiring morning at work.

I have MD, too. But then again I'm a girl and can get away with it. :)

Valerie said...

Great! Now I have a new name for hubby. In my house it's me who does the mechanics! Except for cars, I definitely draw the line at cars! Good post!

LENORENEVERMORE said...

hee-heelarious... now I know what to call it!
Great weekend dear... SMILES*

Debo Hobo said...

Poin well taken. Success, remedy, cure breeds success, remedy, cure. Stop following losers and shine towards the healers.

Brian Miller said...

@gabby - glad i gave your lips a curl. ha. have a great weekend.

@valerie - oh no another has fallen to MD! : )

@lenore - (smiles)you as well.

@debo - not sure on the first part, but definitely caught the second. ha..

Ronda Laveen said...

Yeah, but you can write:)

Tom said...

don't feel bad...for sure my mechanic doesn't feel bad...he makes more off of me than any doctor, lawyer, or dentist ever has.

California Girl said...

they call that kind of sweating Mechanically Challenged Hyperhydrosis.

Glad you went that route and not the one I thought were head in!

I too am grievously lost when it comes to anything mechanical or electrical. Not my bag. That's what plumbers and electricians and car mechanics are for. Oh, I can change a tire, however.

Lola said...

I have a mild form of MD, but I am an Italian female, guitar-shaped and a somewhat good cook, so the mechanical dementia kind of becomes charming.

I always have fun here. Ciao Brian, have a great weekend. And say hi to your dad from me :)

Baino said...

Brian that's what son's are for! Haven't got a Dad to call on and he'd have been hopeless anyway but the son. . .pulls things apart and puts them back together again more or less in the right order. Very handy to have around! It's a man thing not asking for help, directions etc. I'm sure what you do well, you do very well, leave the monkey wrench to the experts!