Sunday, April 26, 2009

Spark plug

Cutting the grass is not my favorite thing to do. Once I get started, I want to get it done. Only ten minutes into the ordeal this last week, my push mower died unexpectedly. I say unexpectedly to curb any thoughts that I finally took out vengeance upon the malicious machine. Inspecting the contraption with the wizened eye of a man who has little clue what he is doing, I quickly deduced it needed a new spark plug. Cole conferred, so we were off to find parts to fix it.

We traveled to Home Depot, as Cole loves to sit on each and every tractor in the line, dreaming of the day he gets to ride one. While he mentally reviewed the merits of the zero turn versus traditional, just like any four year old, I searched for the particular spark plug we needed. I had brought along the old one, just to make sure I got the right part. Having secured my prize, we ventured to the checkout, because we had a lot of grass ahead of us and ever increasing day behind us.

Reaching around to grab my wallet, I felt empty pocket. We should probably pause for a second here, as I did to regain my composure...I hate it when I forget stuff like that. Now I had to run home, get my wallet, come back, go back home, fix the lawn mower and then cut the grass. I was tempted to go buy a herd of sheep to eat the grass, but then remembered the whole wallet thing again...ever increasing circles of frustration.

Wouldn't it be nice though if it was as easy to forget other things as it is to forget something like a wallet. Like the guy who played cutsys in line in front of you at the check out. If you could just forget that as opposed to breathing heavy on his collar, envisioning what you would do with a pneumatic hammer. Or maybe its a little more serious than that, someone that hurt you emotionally. If we could just forget it, wouldn't it be easier to forgive?

I don't know how healthy that would be. Forgiving doesn't mean I am going to forget and put myself right back in the same hurtful situation. Really, forgiving someone doesn't seem to be about forgetting, but realising and relating that it mattered, then releasing yourself from the guilt or shame and still wanting what is best for the one who offended you. 

I think our own releasing can be the hardest part, we tend to want to carry it around, until our pockets are full and then they spill out all over the next helpless soul to get in our way. I think I'll stick to just trying to keep my wallet in my pocket, and my heart clear.


Mrsupole said...

Yes, we must forgive and it is almost impossible to forget. But I think that if we have a lot of contact with that person it is easier to forget. We have that amazing ability to move on to greater things in life. It is when you rarely see a person that you tend to remember if your last experience was bad.

So sorry you had to make the trip twice, but it seems like you got the lawnmower fixed, and that is what truly matters. Although if you had a non-motorized push mower, then you would not need spark plugs. That is what we had to use when we were kids. We were so jealous of the neighbors to have a motorized one. But now look at it as a way to go green.

Oh and I have gotten all my shopping done and then my ATM card does not work due to computer problems or whatever caused it at the banks end. That is why I still carry my checkbook with me.

Brian Miller said...

@mrsu - agree with having contact. too often we move to avoid and that just leaves us carrying the pain and guilt and never dealing with the issue. the only time i would disagree would be when there is danger of continued physical abuse. in that case, get out.

lol. was not so bad to have to return to the store, but pretty annoying. had cleaned my pockets out getting ready to mow and just did not think. Cole enjoyed it as he got to check out the lawn mowers twice. wow, how much grass do you push cut? will admit, i am envious at times of riding mowers. i push mow 6/10 an acre with a pretty even slope.

willow said...

Excellent thoughts on forgiveness, Brian.

Daniel said...

Forgiveness, it seems, is not necessarily something that we have to face or do just once for a given person or infraction. At times I try to forgive only to find that the same rage, the same anger, the same hate resurfaces. I then have to kind of start all over again with the forgiving process. Tis a problem with being human I guess.

lettuce said...

for a minute there I thought "push mower" meant manual. Relief at mention of spark plugs. Manual mowers are just such hard work.

The Clever Pup said...

Hi Brian - I left an award for you over at my site. Do with it what you like - ignore it even. But it would be fun to see what you can make of it.

Marianna said...

Well said Brian...

it's not easy to forgive and forget but it is even more difficult to keep it all in and never let go. I mean, eventually, we all realise that it is too short a life, the one we live, to spend it with a sad and spotted heart :)

Take care
Peace and love

Megan said...

I like the way you structure these posts, Brian. Very illuminating and interesting.

Brian Miller said...

@marianna - too true, you can waste a lot of life carrying around bottled up feelings that will ruin your experience. too high a price for as short a time as we got if you ask me.

@ megan - thanks, I owe my storytelling to Jon Dupin, great friend that taught me a lot.

@lettuce - i think that would make me abhor mowing all the more.

@daniel - good thoughts. i find too i have to continue letting go sometimes.

@willow - thanks : )

@cleverpup - thanks, it think. lol. actually i have enlisted my wife's aid in putting it together...will post it on Wednesday. That way on Thursday for TT I can use "water" to cool it off.

Ronda Laveen said...

I believe that forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about ourself. When we forgive someone, it is our heart that is truly heald.

Maybe your wallet is dallying with Megan's lost cell phone. (See her recent post). Those sneaky little devils!

The Silver Fox said...

I'm glad I found this blog. You continually impress me with the way your stories often progress from Point A to Point B to Point... 3. And yet it all makes sense as a whole. Congratulations for being so unpredictable.

Colette Amelia said...

Brian you are a wise soul. I find it easier to forget where I put my keys and so many other things...but I have to admit I am having trouble with the forgiving of some people. I am trying though.