We traveled to Home Depot, as Cole loves to sit on each and every tractor in the line, dreaming of the day he gets to ride one. While he mentally reviewed the merits of the zero turn versus traditional, just like any four year old, I searched for the particular spark plug we needed. I had brought along the old one, just to make sure I got the right part. Having secured my prize, we ventured to the checkout, because we had a lot of grass ahead of us and ever increasing day behind us.
Reaching around to grab my wallet, I felt empty pocket. We should probably pause for a second here, as I did to regain my composure...I hate it when I forget stuff like that. Now I had to run home, get my wallet, come back, go back home, fix the lawn mower and then cut the grass. I was tempted to go buy a herd of sheep to eat the grass, but then remembered the whole wallet thing again...ever increasing circles of frustration.
Wouldn't it be nice though if it was as easy to forget other things as it is to forget something like a wallet. Like the guy who played cutsys in line in front of you at the check out. If you could just forget that as opposed to breathing heavy on his collar, envisioning what you would do with a pneumatic hammer. Or maybe its a little more serious than that, someone that hurt you emotionally. If we could just forget it, wouldn't it be easier to forgive?
I don't know how healthy that would be. Forgiving doesn't mean I am going to forget and put myself right back in the same hurtful situation. Really, forgiving someone doesn't seem to be about forgetting, but realising and relating that it mattered, then releasing yourself from the guilt or shame and still wanting what is best for the one who offended you.
I think our own releasing can be the hardest part, we tend to want to carry it around, until our pockets are full and then they spill out all over the next helpless soul to get in our way. I think I'll stick to just trying to keep my wallet in my pocket, and my heart clear.