Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Great Veggie War

"Eat your vegetables, they are good for you!"

"You must try everything on your plate!"

The call to arms was raised, as scouts peered across the expansive battlefield that was the dinner table. They are good for you, what sinister propaganda of the parental machine. If they were good for us, why did they taste so bad and cause our stomachs to evict their foulness in putrid streams of bile?

We constantly devised plans to thwart the veggie loving army and elude their consumption. My brother, in one attempt, dumped pepper on his mashed potatoes until they become gray. Tears running down his face, we gasped for oxygen, laughing as he was made to eat them.

Cheaking the veggies and asking to go to the bathroom would not work. Dogs and cats turned up their noses at collaborative consumption. Accidentally dropping your plate off the table may work once, by you only avoided your fate for a night. It was a lonely place, in exile with a plate of beats, hoping that the tea was strong enough to wash the taste from our mouths.

Trying everything was defined as a spoonful, and my eventual victory came in measuring a spoonful of limas and then taking them one at a time like pills, washing them whole into my gullet. Hoping they would not germinate and eat me from the inside.

I have finally succumbed to the mind control, as vegetables do not hold sway over my taste buds anymore. I rather enjoy them, except the lima beans. Permanent scarring on the palette still causes retching at the mere smell. Children...there is no hope in defiance...resistance is futile...the vegetables will win!

37 comments:

Megan said...

:) I am off to read this to my recalcitrant offspring!

Colette Amelia said...

I have to ask, do parents even like lima beans?

And what are the vegie rules with your kids?

It is great to be an adult and just eat the vegetables that you like!

tony said...

Strange.When I was a kid i hated Spinach + Mushrooms.they now are my favourite Grub!

Ronda Laveen said...

This is wonderful! My husbands equal to your lima beans is squash. No way. No how. He is 59 years old and his mother still puts a "spoonful" on his plate at Thanksgiving. Yes, kids, the vegetables will win!

Mrsupole said...

I really like lima beans with corn, I think that is call succotash. We always liked the veggies, they taste pretty good. It was the meat that we did not like so much. I can still eat a plate full of veggies with no problems.

I am glad you like them now, cause the veggies do always win.

God bless.

Mom said...

I am happy that you are now eating veggies and loving them. I like the idea of putting limas on your Thanksgiving plate next year. Mom and the limas may still win!!!
Colette, Brian's mom loves limas :)

Daniel said...

He screamed at the broccoli, "away from me vile weed!". The evil green shrubbery was then banished from the kingdom and the handsome prince lived happily ever after. The end. (Hey, it's my story.)

subtorp77 said...

Ugh! Mom loves lima beans! That and okra are the only ones I won't eat. Bleah!

Mariane said...

A classic. You have a talent for storytelling.
Like your post, totally hate veggies ! :o)

mouse (aka kimy) said...

what is it with children and vegetables? as a wee lass, I avoided eating veggies and now I can't have enough! well, all except lima beans, still can't stand them! but maybe they'll grow on me....

Brian Miller said...

if i won't eat it, can't make my kids. limas will never grace our doorstep!

Brian Miller said...

@daniel - nice story! ha.

@mouse - maybe the kids can see reality that becomes clouded as we get older. it's mind control, i'm telling you.

VK said...

"Cheaking the veggies" has to be one of the greatest phrases I have ever heard in my life. I have to use it once a day for a week now. Priceless. *wipes away tears*

Yea, Lima Beans... kind of like chewing morsels of dirt.

VE said...

Oh yes, isn't this one familiar to us all. I now juice my vegetables with fruit because I cannot take the smell of most for that very same reason. Juicing is more nutricious anyway...

Wings said...

That was me as a kid, and now it's my daughter! My son on the other hand was always on the side of the veggies. Gotta keep an eye on that one...

Great post!

R.L. Bourges said...

ah yes. 'They're good for you' - how's that for a snazzy come-on? Or 'if you don't finish your plate, you don't get any dessert.' That's a winner, too.

How about veggies so tasty you have to tell the kid 'hey! save some room for dessert' (in your case, this clearly eliminates lima beans, yes?)

:-)

Marianna said...

haha

Well next time one starts this 'war' maybe they should think of...cows (they eat veggies all day and look how 'fat' they are lol--a common joke I know)

thank you Brian
Great TT post as always
Take care
xoxo

willow said...

I used to do the cheaking technique, too, until I was found out! I almost posted on this very same subject. It's so universal. Great post!

Candie Bracci said...

Great post Brian :D
Yes there's no point in resisting!lol

Marianna:lol

reyjr said...

haha! poor bro.
i loved veggies as a child. hm. even the bitter gourd!

California Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
California Girl said...

thanks for visiting my blog. i just posted my first Theme Thursday and it was about helping my children learn to love vegetables using a magic ingredient!

Dakota Bear said...

The taste for vegetables depends on how they are cooked. Quite often they are overcooked leaving them with a blah taste. Okra is one I will never like, because it is slimy. Lately I have found that roasting many vegetables gives them a superior taste.

Roy said...

Oh man, if you still don't like lima beans, find yourself an authentic, old-world Portuguese family and ask for their fava (same thing as lima) bean recipes. These ain't your parents' lima beans!

I used to hate Brussels Sprouts until I started following the Grill A Chef blog. They had a post about sauteeing Sprouts instead of boiling or steaming them, and I've never been the same since. I LOVE Brussels Sprouts now!

BluNBlond said...

I'm with you on the lima beans Brian, yuck! I love the way you word things! makes me laugh!

Leah said...

This is hilarity itself.

My daughter will eat vegetables if they are miniature sized--mini carrots, mini cukes, mini squash. That does the trick.

runmotman said...

my mom made us eat liver a couple times...but finally gave up on that...gross. And lima beans are just disgusting...who ever thought up succatash in the first place?

tut-tut said...

I remember sitting for a very very long time in front of a congealing, cold sunnyside up egg. I feel your pain.

R Miller said...

Thank you for bringing up the wonderful memory of the mashed potatoes with pepper. I can still remember the site of grey and black mashed potatoes. Thank goodness I have blocked the memory of the taste. Squash was my other troubling vegetable and has ruined me with creamed vegetables forever. But my boys are required to taste everything on the plate. I guess Mom's teaching stuck. They like them.

Baino said...

I once was forced to sit and eat a plate of cauliflower au gratin and flatly refused until a neighbour took pity on me sobbing at the kitchen table and spoon fed every cold soggy bit. I actually love it now! One reason why I think aversion therapy prolly doesn't work. Mine still won't eat zucchini or eggplant but they're pretty good with everything else . . yep, the veggies always win! And I don't know what you yanks do to Lima beans but they're certainly unpopular!

dennis said...

Dennis eats greens.

Jaime said...

my uncle hates green peas. he wasn't allowed to leave the table til he cleaned his plate. so he'd hide the peas inside a stuffed tiger. he did this for weeks...he was busted when the smell of rotting peas stunk up the house and they tracked it back to his tiger.

Evening Light Writer said...

My mom used to bribe us with money to get us to eat veggies. I made a nice sum one year. I come from the South where macaroni is considered a vegetable..now that's a veggie I can get behind!

Kris said...

I am currently endeavouring to convince my toddler that lollies are made out of vegetables.

Brian Miller said...

@kris...lollies made out of veggies...they got to be out there somewhere, and maybe it would help?

@eveninglight...macaroni salad has veggies in it, so it crosses the border, maybe. lol.

@jaime...lol. bet that tiger was ripe by the end.

@runmotman...someone looking to torture people everywhere

@VK...glad i could entertain you...cheak away...

BooksandacupofCoffee.... said...

Hi! Brian Miller,
Your post is 2 things -"Funny,"(Incident about your brother) and "True"...About Vegetables (I use to hate broccoli,when I was a small child, now like the end of (George Orwell's novel 1984, I have learned to "love" broccoli.)

Yes, Brian, in the end "The vegetable will win!"
Once again, Thank-you! for sharing.
Deedee ;-D

Ross said...

I had some gross green jello mold with carrots trapped inside forced upon me one night. I will never forget it.

A great kids book about eating your veggies is "Little Pea". Did you know peas are forced to eat candy before they can have dessert(which is spinach)?

Sandy