“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ~Neil Gaiman
He could see daylight ahead in the distance, he was almost home free. His heart raced, only so much faster than his pursuers. Not daring to look over his shoulder, he pulled on all his reserves to make the last sprint.
Seconds later, my cousin lay bloody and broken among the shards of glass, all that was left of the sliding door. He never saw it coming as he smashed through on his way out of the house, during a game of tag.
Love can be like that, sneak up on you when you least expect it and then leave you broken and bloody. Long after the shards of glass have been picked up and removed, there is that sliver still stuck in you, making it's way from your hands to your head, and ultimately to your heart. That sliver cuts like a surgeons knife though nerve ending, separating you from feeling to stop the pain. Making you wary of love and what it has to offer.
I have been there. After high school, I found my heart ripped out, stepped on and spray painted black. I think the spray paint was just for spite, lol. I wandered for years, feeling little, promising myself I would never give myself away again. It was not worth it. I could get what I wanted and then slip away like a thief in the night, leaving the pain for someone else to deal with.
Through those three years, as much as I was protecting my heart, it was filled with unmet longings. I was searching for something to make me whole again, something to make me feel again. I tried to find that "missing piece" in many ways, but left with bloated tongue, I thirsted still. Then I met me wife. And then I found God again.
It's alright to be afraid, David, because this part won't be like a comic book. Real life doesn't fit into little boxes that were drawn for it. ~Mr. Glass (Unbreakable)
Life does not fit into neat little boxes, and neither will your heart. What once started as protection, becomes the parasite, sucking the life out of your heart. We have to remove the splinter of glass and stop listening to the lies it tells. If you love again, will it hurt? Yes, it does sometimes. I have found though, that love is greater than a few shards of broken glass.