Friday, March 20, 2009


It has been a long time since I got in trouble in the school cafeteria, obviously not long enough.
Yesterday, I went to lunch with Logan. I try to do that at least once a month, and it is typically a blast because they let me stick around for recess. I almost had that privilege taken away.

When I was in elementary school, we had a principal, Mr. Garber. He loomed over us, tall and skinny with fingers like daggers. He must have been raised by ninjas, because you would never hear him coming, before his long, bony finger shot into your collar bone. Like the Vulcan nerve pinch, he would completely incapacitate the most wily adversary. At that point it was too late and "mercy" and "uncle" would not alleviate the suffering. You did not play around in the cafeteria.

Lunch yesterday was chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, green beans and an orange. After consuming everything, in an attempt to influence our young in the way or veggies (especially after yesterday's blog), I began to eat my orange. Oranges can be fun, because you can make teeth out of them. Always good for a laugh.

It became like a virus, kids three tables over saw me, laughed and proceeded to make teeth themselves. Hapless cafeteria workers tried to staunch the revolt, but were thwarted when one ingenious child decided to stick a whole orange in his mouth. If it was funny going in, it was fall in the floor hilarious trying to get it out. Hundreds of kids joined the uprising, as I came to the realisation I was doomed and began to flinch at the memory of those fingers.

I got busted by a stoolie at my table and had to apologize. Luckily, the cafeteria lady showed mercy and I was allowed to play on the playground.

Influence is a funny thing, you don't have to do a whole lot to use. Each of us influence many each day, without even thinking about it. Maybe it is the lack of thinking about it, that leads us into these situations, where we wonder how it ever got to this point. Oh well, better go as I have to write "I will not not play in the cafeteria", 100 times before lunch.


Daniel said...

Brian, you are supposed to be the grown up! Lecture, lecture, lecture. Blah, blah, blah. You know the spiel. Glad to see that you are staying young at heart (and mind).

Cinnamon said...

Oh Laugh Out Loud!! You little rebel!! What sort of an example are you setting to young Logan? I bet he thinks you are the coolest Da in the world :)

Children are like elephants- they never forget-I would love to see what happens next month when you go to lunch with him.

Seriously, I am sure your influence was all good- I mean, there has to be a bit of laughter, and mealtimes should be social occasions :)

R Miller said...

You got off very easy on that one. You should have to serve in silent lunch next time you go for causing such chaos in an elementary lunchroom. And Poor Logan... he will now be watched like a hawk by all the cafeteria workers. He better not mess up.

Megan said...

That's hilarious. Love it that they ratted you out. Not even knowing what the cafeteria looks like, I could easily picture the whole scene!

Mrsupole said...

"Go stand on the wall young man.", that would be what they would make my grandson do at his school. That story was hillarious. Just brings back memories of one kid causing all the other kids to start a food fight. Bet it was a lot of fun for you to do this.

Thank you for the great post.

Auntie, aka cagny said...

If I were the library teacher in your school, I would have joined you.
Nevermind the lipstick!

Brian Miller said...

yeah, i got off easy on this one. there was one kids eating his chicken through a straw...could not work him into the story, but definitely deserves a mention...must be addicted to preprocessed, plastic coated food.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.